For the women whos men did a 360

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
For the women whos men did a 360
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 9:32am

I wrote this in response to someone elses topic but I think its good for us to know if your a woman who is doin it solo because the man just did a complete 360 on you..........

Hello my dear..congrats first off. I know its hard most of the women on here in some way have the same type of situation including me. It will be becomes harder when your suppose to have birthing classes or thinking of the day you give birth and even though u despise someone it would of been nice if they were there.
One thing I learned is if a man cannot be there when you need him most he will never be there when you need him. Now there is another innocent life involved who doesnt derserve to be treated how u have by the same person. break the cycle. In my psych class we learned someone abandoning you is like someone is a loss. There are stages : Hurt :anger:acceptance .
You think maybe they will change once the baby is here. No they will not. They call or text throughout the pregnancy for their own guilty conscience but still selfishly are not truly there.
Its the hardest thing to do..but u have to forgive. Dont let him have that power over you. The power of making u depressed and thinking of him all the time. He is obviously not thinking of you or the baby so dont let him steal ur energy.
Once u can forgive and let go you will feel better. I finally had to do that. I told my ex you are more than welcome to see your son...but if you are not there for the birth you will never see him at all. you leave that door open that way you did everything you could and they cant say "oh she told me to stay away". Trust me most will not be there. You end on a good note with them leaving them feeling more guilty than ever..thats the greatest revenge. You tell them :
"Yes what you have done has hurt me in a way you will never understand....but at one time i loved you and cared about you. and out of that love we created something great. The greatest gift I have ever received. I will be ok because i am a strong woman and a beautiful woman and I will provide for this baby the best life I can. But you, you will not have a good life. You cannot treat someone the way you have and have a good life. I wish you the best of luck."
and for sure they will be like wtf? and try to text or call back saying nonsense..possibly to make u take you off ur game. but dont respond. once u stop responding is the day you have grown and become a stronger woman.
I wish you the best of luck my dear and when u need to cry ..cry..get it out...if you werent upset by wut happened you wouldnt be human. *hugz*

Edited 3/15/2010 9:33 am ET by isolated82
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 12:45am

Now what if you just want them to turn around walk away and never look back and they want to be involved from a distance? My ex moved back to WA but wants to send money, call and text every day. Is constantly asking how I'm feeling. To be honest I just want him to GO AWAY. He made his choice to move back home instead of proving he was a man here from my couch. I can't believe a word he says, he has told me too many lies (and 1 is too many).

So any tricks to get rid of the leaches???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 8:12pm
Well my ex use to call and text, and when he wanted to send money I sure as hell let him. But then it became an issue of he really wasnt you said from a distance. Id say leave the door open but if he is not there for the birth then shut that door..or if he wants to be there for it then wants to leave again. either he's in it or he's not. But if you really just want him to poof be gone. Just slowly start not texting back or not answering calls. Any man that truly wants to be a childs life would do what he has to do..he would be there in person taking care of his responsibilities which includes the woman holding the child. So just take the not answering approach and see how he reacts...the ball sounds more in your court than anything. hope this helps *hugz*
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 03-28-2010 - 10:19am
I just read your message you wrote. It helped me a bit, I just have gone thru the guys complete 360. It is going to take time, but hopefully soon I can move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 1:58am
I wish you the best :) *hugz* jus remember we are all stronger than we think we are
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 10:30am

It's so hard! Your post really makes me realize I'm not the only one. The hardest part is that my ex is now living with another woman - a hairdresser who did his hair. He fell in love with her a few weeks before we found out I was pregnant. He begged me to have an abortion when we found out and I couldn't understand why! He moved out that second, in with his friends. Then when I was 6 months pregnant, I found out about her. He tried to make it work with me, but like you said, it was only to ease his guilty conscience. He couldn't stay for long, I guess he missed her too much. I am alone and due in 8 weeks. I have many friends and, of course, I depend on God for everything. But no matter how much support piles in, the heartache doesn't go away.

I'm just wondering if he'll show up at my door with her waiting outside in the car, wanting to see the baby all of the sudden. He's been so mean, I don't even know who he is or what happened. We had a great relationship for 3 years, I wish he would have told me he wasn't happy at some point. I could have avoided all of this. I wish he would have been honest.

Anyway, it helps to read these posts. Stay strong, girls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 8:55pm

Wow, I love this post. It is so true and has very good points. You must forgive. For yourself you must forgive. The stages hurt, anger, acceptance will come and go and you will go through them a few times. I have been very hurt, very angry and the last few days have got into the acceptance. But, i still get back into the anger and hurt. Also, pregnancy is a very emotional time in itself. Please read my post that I wrote. I am very scared and afraid. I never wanted this to be this way. I dont have control over that. i do have control with the way that I react and respond. I have been tryinng very very hard to be in control of my own emotions and try and not allow my anger to come across so harsh. He feels guilty or so he says but at the same time he left when i needed him most and just 3 1/2 weeks before baby is to arrive. He left me in a home that I cannot afford and I am so afraid. I am stuck in a lease and on ei. I am scared. I know I am a strong woman and a good mother. i have a 5 year old daughter who I motherd completely alone and I can do this. i will do this. I would suggest to check out it helps. They have a free worksheet for radical forgiveness and it does help.. read the side notes they are great. I will be up and down with my wmotions no doubt but he has done nothing but hurt me and abondon me and my babies. He has left us at the worst time. How does one move with no money, just after baby is born??? arrghh so much to think about. I just dont understand how someone can do this to someone they say they love. I believe he onl;y says his " nice " words out of his own guilt and he is trying to make himself look good after being so so bad to me. I will file for child maintenance as he by law must pay and the rest is up to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2010
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 7:31pm

OMG thank you so much for your post. That helped and I will be praying for all the single moms and babies out there that this has happened to.

Your post gave me hope and direction but like you said there are stages and a Happy Ending! I am looking forward to finishing the stages and being that strong beautiful woman that I am!

I am going to print your post and put it in my Appointment Book so I can read it daily and move to a better life for me and my baby...
Thank You again and God Bless!

*BTW I was told at 42 I would not be able to have children due to my eggs being to small... etc... I was married at the time and the fertility clinic stopped working with us... My husband sperm wasn't any good either... eventually we divorced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 9:16pm
Congrats on the lil bundle of joy soon to be here :) ! Im so glad my post makes me feel good to help other ppl who have had this experience as well as me...its nice to have this forum i feel so connected to all of the women here. I pray for all to stay strong will get better :)