Welcome, it's so nice of you to ask for advice for your friend.
The best advice I can give you for her is to let her feel what she's feeling, but let her know that it's normal and common to be freaked out and upset to see twins. I was angry, disappointed, scared, you name it I felt it. Now I cannot imagine one without the other.
It's going to be harder sooner on her body, so stick close and offer to help out around the house, cook meals, run an errand for/with her. That will likely mean more to her than any object you can buy. :-)
Hi Kelly, I hope your friend joins too! I can tell you that I don't think anyone has ever freaked out more about having twins than I did when I first found out. I cried for two days straight, and I told myself it would be better if I would just lose one of them (thank the Lord I've come to my senses and that hasn't happened). Anyway, for about a month I went between being excited and terrified. One day I was okay with having twins, the next I would be crying again. If you look up some of my previous posts you can see how insane I was about it in the beginning. Your friend might find comfort in reading some of my earlier rants and meltdowns ;)
Anyhoo, I'm now 23 weeks along, and I love my babies so much it makes me cry sometimes (in a good way now). I can't say exactly what made me come around...time I think. I asked for help from people...took my biggest concerns and asked people how I would deal with them, and everyone has been extremely supportive. Many people have given me great tips that I never would have thought of on my own. This board in itself has been a huge source of support.
I hope your friend begins to feel okay with all of this...she's probably just shell-shocked right now. It honestly took me a good month or more to get over myself and realize what a blessing it is to be carrying twins :) Hopefully she joins the board, but in the mean time let her know she's not alone, and give her some time. HTH!!
I was right there with you. When I was bleeding I went back and forth between relief and terror.
At about 16 weeks we found out genders, and that helped a little. Then seeing a 4D photo of YDD and seeing how similar she looked to ODD helped more. Each major milestone made it easier, and by 32 weeks, the point I *knew* they would 99.9% likely survive if born, I was finally at peace with having twins. I wish I hadn't been through such a mental struggle with the concept, but we fear the unknown.
Congrats to your friend! Yeah, finding out you're pregnant with twins is a surreal experience. She will probably have this roller coaster of feeling up and down about having twins well into their babyhood! That is so normal.
Everyone has had great advice so far... I agree that she needs to join this board and/or find a local Moms of Multiples group in her area (her OB's office might even be able to help her find support). Talking to other parents of multiples and other moms pregnant w/ multiples was one of the best things I did in my first twin pregnancy. I realized that I *could* do it, and that lots of other normal women my age were doing it every day!
My favorite twins book is "Having Twins and More" by Elizabeth Noble (http://www.amazon.com/Having-Twins-More-Pregnancy-Childhood/dp/0618138730/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1264383652&sr=1-1) Reading this book gave me a lot more confidence as an expectant MoM. It also gave me a lot of positive feelings about giving birth to twins (which went really well for me, thank God). You might get a copy of this for her, or another good one is Barbara Luke's "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads": http://www.amazon.com/Youre-Expecting-Twins-Triplets-Revised/dp/0060542683/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1264383925&sr=1-1
DH and I wanted a baby so badly and it was still a shock to see the two of them at our first ultrasound. I was very fearful of all the possible complications and didn't know how I felt about having two babies to care for at the same time (one seemed hard enough), but in time it has started to sink in.I didn't realize how blessed we are or how much I love (both of) them until we were scared we were losing one, I now know that I can't imagine life without one of them and they will grow to be two amazing individuals and I'm lucky enough to be a part of that.I think joining a multiples board or club would be very good for her, I know it's helped me- especially in the transition to acceptance.