Accident May Be Ruining My Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2009
Accident May Be Ruining My Life
4
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 3:47pm
I met the love of my life 7 months ago and things happened quickly as it was everything I ever dreamed of and more. We were both in unhappy marriages and he was separated from his wife. I quickly divorced, quit my job and moved to another state to live with him upon his encouraging. I have lived with him 4 months now and everything has been perfect. We have the perfect life. We have money and freedom and travel all the time. It is all I have ever wanted. We stay in fancy hotels, fly on a whim to see friends and visit family twice a month out of state to see his 2 daughters. We have everything. We recently got engaged, but due to the fact that the state he filed in takes over a year we were not able to get married until 6 1/2 months down the road. We were ok with this, planned on having a small wedding and then spending 2 weeks in Europe for the Honeymoon. This new life I chose was to be traveling to a new state every year for his job and constant travel back and forth to see my family and his daughters....I loved this life. I thought I could never get pregnant so I was foolish about consistent birth control. I found out this week that I am 5 weeks pregnant. This is the worst timing ever as he is still married and I was to be on his insurance once we got married. I had it so implanted in my mind that I could not have kids, that I never thought this would happen to me. I had 2 previous long term relationships and never had anything close to this happen. I have been crying for a week straight now as I am scared I have ruined our lives. I am 37 hears old so this may be my last change to have a baby if I ever did decide I wanted one. I thought about terminating the pregnancy but I don't think I could live with it as I would look at his children and always know what happened to ours. Also the fact that this could be my last chance due to age. I am scared as this is not what we both signed up for. It is horrible horrible timing with him still being married, me no insurance and he already having a family. He says he will love me and take care of me no matter what I decide to do. I am scared whatever I choose will ruin our relationship. I am so scared. I am 5 weeks pregnant now and thinking I have ruined my only chance for happiness. Can someone please tell me the advantages to having children? I only seem to see the freedoms they take away and I picture myself having no life anymore. I have no family or friends to help me with this burden since I live so far away. Is there anything positive about this situation at all? I have been praying I miscarry so the decision will be made for me. Help Please
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2006
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 3:58pm

First of all, I want to say congrats on finding the love of your life, and doing everything that you can to be together.



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 10:18am

Hi there:


I'm happy to hear you found your soul mate and are so much in love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 7:48am

First congrats on finding someone who makes you happy.

For myself the benefits of having children are not as easily measured as my freedoms before.

"I love you mom" is a lot harder to put a value on than a trip to Europe for example.

You can have both though if you are willing to put in the work. Kids can travel with you. It is harder when they are school aged but still doable if you want to home school.

Right now I think you and your fiance need to measure out the pros and cons as a couple. It is great that he is being supportive but he also needs to be a part of the decision making process. This is too big of a decision to hoist entirely on you.

Good luck and keep us updated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2009
Sun, 08-09-2009 - 12:12pm

I wanted to send some congratulations. First you are blessed to be able to become pregnant many family friends have been trying for years and have resorted to adoption and are still waiting for their bundle of joy. I also can understand how you are feeling. I became pregnant at a young age. After meeting the love of my life we moved in and that month I was pregnant. So shocking he knew I would never terminate and never asked me to which showed the type of man he is. He thought his life was over and had to get everything out of his system, but after our daughter was born found his life just beginning. To this day he says she is the best thing that ever

 

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