Confused and Torn
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|Wed, 07-15-2009 - 11:13am|
Here is my story ... I am looking for advice.
I am a 29 year old Mother of 3 and pregnant again. My boyfriend has flat out said no he does not want another child not now or ever. He has made his decision and has made it nearly impossible for me to talk to him about things.
Here is our background story. We each have 2 children from a previous relationship only my children live with us his visit. We just had a baby and she is 5 months old. I am breastfeeding and had not gotten my period after having the baby. About a week and a half ago I went to the doctors because I was not feeling good and my milk supply was dropping rapidly. Only to find out I am pregnant and due the week that our now baby will turn 1. This puts me at 10 weeks already and I didn't even think I could be pregnant. The boyfriend has brought up his issue that we have to many children....that the baby now would get pushed aside...that he didn't want anymore children and we are not ready for another. I agree with all of his points to a certain point. He was not there when I had an ultra sound last week and saw a heart beat! He will not be the one who has to go through anything if I do have an abortion. We are already not getting along very well at this point and I have to think will I hate him if I have an abortion and then regret it? or what will I do if I can't go through with it and things don't work out. Then I am alone with 4 children which 2 are babies. I feel so torn like I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I have always believed that I was pro-life for myself but thought a woman has a choice to do whatever with her own body and now I at a point I never thought I would be having to make a decision. Will I hate myself...will I be able to even go through with this ...I think of being at the doctors and not being able to bear the thoughts...
what do I do...