Devastated and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2011
Devastated and confused
4
Sun, 09-04-2011 - 8:40pm
I'm am totally devastated and confused. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. Last may, we briefly split up (for a week) and by the end of the week we decided we truly loved each other and wanted to make it work. We started trying for a baby. The first month, we tried with no success. We changed our lifestyle to a healthier one and I researched ways to conceive and both followed along. Half way through June, I told him maybe we should get married first because there is an order to thinks. He began looking at rings and did not want to stop trying. I was excited through the process and he was upset each month I got my period. Come around to July, I missed my period, took a test, and it was positive! I was so happy. He seemed a little freaked, like I suspected but, thought we'd go through this together. The next day, he ask me where I can purchase the abortion pill because he does want this any more and is thinking about breaking up. My world just came crashing down. I told him this was the plan! What was he talking about? I know he's freaking out but, come on! He asked me about it for the next 3 days and asked me to take another test. I literally fell into a depression. After a few days, he tells me that he was freaking out and it's going to be ok and let's plan. Afterwards, wouldn't talk to me for days. I finally told him, I will leave, no problem but I'm not having an abortion because he brought it up again. I don't need any money or what not. I can't do it. I will take full responsibility. He was not comfortable with that. He finally came out and told me he didn't want me to be the mother of his children, I was going to turn them against him, he will lose his Serbian heritage (I'm from here), his kids won't know Serbian, I'll make the be catholic and shun on the orthodox..... I told him a million times before, your kids will be raised orthodox, I will convert if were married, I will try to learn Serbian...... But, he feels this option is better.
Now I'm just completely lost. Do I go through with an abortion and get rid of him? Do I go against what I believe? I cant have a part of someone without their consent if he's insistent on getting rid of this. He doesn't get it either. He's like what's the big deal, it's not a baby yet? I told him it's not a sweater, you don't just go return it. I explained to him what happens. I don't know what to do. This is not how it's suppose to be! I wanted this more then anything. He said if it's just about having the baby, I can go do that with anyone but that was our plan and i wanted it with him because I love him. I'm lost, if I knew it was going to be this way, I would have ran for the hills but, for the past 3 months, he bragged to people how were trying. I'm lost, tired, stressed and confused. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2011
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 4:56pm

I say DO NOT have an abortion UNLESS that is what YOU want. If you want this baby then have it. Either he will be a part of it or he won't. If you abort just for him and to stay with him you will just end up resenting him and you will probably loss him as well as your unborn child and be faced with wondering what would have been if only you would not have aborted. If he does not want this relationship or child then fine, you are a strong woman and many before you have raised perfectly wonderful, well adjusted children. Maybe this is all coming from him freaking out! Guys can be real pains sometimes. Most importantly I feel you should do at this time what is best for you and your child and everything else will fall into place.

PS I just yesterday found out that I am pg with our #3 and my husband isn't talking to me about it, so I am somewhat on the same boat.

dannimoe

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2011
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 1:22pm

"He finally came out and told me he didn't want me to be the mother of his children, I was going to turn them against him, he will lose his Serbian heritage (I'm from here), his kids won't know Serbian, I'll make the be catholic and shun on the orthodox...."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 12:04am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 10:09am

YES, you can do it alone if YOU WANT to.