I don't want it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
I don't want it.
10
Sat, 06-20-2009 - 10:44am
I'm 24, single, and I'm about 9 weeks pregnant - and have just found out in the last couple days. I'm Atheist, pro-choice, and have no problem in theory terminating the pregnancy. Unfortunately, the father of this fetus is a lazy Christian, and both mine and his families are extremely Christian - evangelical to be exact.

I've been told by both sets if I abort I'm damned for hell and will be disowned. The father wants me to make my decision either way and will support it. I don't want this thing in me any longer; but I don't want to be hated either.

I'm looking forward to grad school, traveling, moving to a different country, etc - not living with giving birth to a child I may resent because I feel forced.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 2:36pm

What about adoption? Is that something anyone would consider?

Marla



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 10:08pm

I really don't want it that much, that I don't even want to carry it to term. The baby-daddy's parents have gone so far as to say they want it; but I would NEVER EVER EVER do that to my child. Hoist it off on a bunch of religious nutjobs (no offense, but these people really are totally off their rocker with some things) just to "spare" a life? What about my own life?

I know that if I were to carry it to term, I wouldn't want to give it away; but I still don't want it at all. I know I sound cold, but I'm so completely ambivalent about the thing growing inside me that I don't see how it's fair to the child at all to even be brought into the world. It didn't ask for any of this. It doesn't deserve this. As a result, the more merciful thing to do is probably to run screaming to planned parenthood.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 12:28am

Wow, so sorry this is how you feel about a life that you helped bring forth. I don't know what has soured you on christians or what has made you an atheist after coming from such a "religious" family. I can only imagine it must stem from a lot of pain.


I hope that you think long and hard about this decision, and the impact it could have on you years from now. Today you might think it's a "thing" but it's not a "thing" its a life, which you helped create. I wonder why you have a baby ticker if you don't care, or if you're just so scared and angry about being told what to do by your family.


I hope one day you feel differently about the beauty and capability your body has to create such life, and that you deal with the obvious anger you feel towards Christians or "religious" people

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 8:19am

Ignoring family fallout for the moment what do you and BF want to do? It is great that he is saying he will support you no matter what you decide but if you intend to make a go of this relationship I don't think it is fair of him to hoist the entire decision up on your shoulders.

You mentioned grad school and that is possible no matter wich option you choose. I had DS1 at 19 and went on to get two degrees after that. It was hard but I also had great motivation.

Are you willing to walk away from your family because it sounds like that is what you are going to have to do if you decide to terminate.

If you want to terminate you need to decide soon as your window of opportunity may be narrow depending on where you live.

Sit down with the baby's father and address both your concerns and decide what works best for you as a couple.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 1:42pm

The ticker is an attempt to see if I can associate with it to change my mind at all. So far it's not working. If anyone finds it hypocritical or offensive for me to have because I want to terminate, I'll get rid of it ASAP.

I'm not angry at all Christians - that's an unfair statement. I'm an Atheist because I was born to a family of Atheists. My religious upbringing was after my adoption which was at a later age. I'm angry at the 2 Christians (his parents, not mine) which told me I was going to experience the full "wrath of God" for even wanting to "kill their precious grandbaby", and that they would rather see me locked in a closet for 9 months, forced to have my baby, and then have it taken away from me and given to them to be properly raised to love their god than see me terminate. They would even rather see me be a single welfare mother (which I have no desire to be - I want to be married and at least somewhat financially stable when I choose to have a child) than continue on to my goals because they claim that even though they have known me for 10 years, they love the jumble of cells inside me more.

The baby-daddy? We have gone over everything - several times over. He honestly doesn't care. He knows that as long as he says "I tried to stop her" to his parents, they'll accept him back. I've already told them it's my decision, and he's told me he'll support it.

I'm sick, I'm tired, and I'm depressed. I don't suffer from clinical depression - it's only since becoming pregnant. I just want it gone so I can continue with my life. The daddy doesn't even want to be with me. He told me that BEFORE we found out I was pregnant, so there's not even the excuse of him getting scared. I want to be able to raise my children by staying at home for a couple of years, or even until they're in school full-time. I want to be married - I'm not even engaged. Instead if I keep this I'll have to pick up at least 1 more job (even though I'm working full-time now, $8.50 an hour is NOT enough!) to even survive! I'll have probably 2 weeks off for maternity, no time to sleep (I work nights), no physical support system in terms of a daddy, and barely any time to bond before I will have to let someone else raise my child every day at day care or some other thing. That's not what I want.

I know I don't have much time - I just needed to get everything out. It's easier on the internet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 4:18pm

I'm glad you feel like this is a safe place to get your feelings out.

 

reena050809.jpg 0809 picture by reena102

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2009
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 8:34pm
I can understand that you are scared and you sort of seeing your future disappear if you have this baby. I can understand that you may become attached to the child and after taking it to term you wouldn't want to give it up. And I can understand your dislike for his parents, I have dealt with "bible thumpers" and they can be a bit overwhelming.
But you need to think about this long and hard. You need to understand what it takes to be a mother and if you don't think that you could provide a good and stabe life for a child, then don't do it. I believe there are too many woman who have babies and can't or don't want to raise them, they see them more like a paycheck than a precious child.
I believe in abortion but not as a birth control method.
Maybe make a list of pros and cons, and talk to the father and maybe try to talk to your parents again. Explain to them how you feel.
Good luck with this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 7:47pm

were you on any birth control at the time? im just wondering if you were actively trying to prevent since you are so against the idea.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 7:53pm

and.. who told your parents? and the fathers parents? im sorry, but if i were to find out i was pregnant and was planning an abortion. i dont think i would tell anyone, especially the would be grand parents.. that would cause so much pain for them... and with the religion issues.. just say in a polite voice, in your belief yes i will be dammed, but

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-1998
Sat, 07-04-2009 - 6:22pm

I do feel sorry for you. I hope that what ever you choose, that you really think it over before you decide what is in your best interests. You are the one that will have to live with what ever you decide -boyfriend or his parents. If you decide that you want to have an abortion and if I were you, I might be tempted to tell you bf that it was a miscarriage, that way if he tells his parents- you wont have the problems of him going back to his parents and telling them that you had an abortion and the fall out from that.

My older sister was in situation similar to you years ago. She only told our mom as our dad is catholic (mom isn't). It was only after she decided on continuing the pregnancy, was when our dad was told. Our mom is pro-choice. My older sister continued her education and now works for CIDA (Canadian international development agency). Her son is now 24 years old. She had married her son's father and later divorced him.

But what ever you decide, its important to only look forward.
Shon