my brother's best friend....oh great

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2009
my brother's best friend....oh great
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 8:06pm
I want to make this short and simple but I doubt I can do that.  I have adored my brother's best friend for 15 years.  He is the worst person in the world to have a baby with.  I am 31 and he is 33.....he already has 3 kids and one is autistic.  He has been married and divorced twice.  He doesn't have a good job, he has issues with drugs, he hates his ex-wives, and basically has nothing good to say about anyone.  I only hear that his kids are his life but he doesn't pay child support because he can't affort it.  He and I don't get's what I call the absolute love/hate relationship.  We love being together but we really can't stand each other.  He is very sarcastic, I take offense; he laughs at inappropriate times; I take offense.  Yet, I still care for this guy more than I ever should have.  I have tried to be his friend and support him and treat him with kindness because I care SO MUCH.  When we see each other we have an amazing time...until something happens and we stop talking AGAIN for who knows how long.  I usually end up seeing him with my brother and it starts again. ANYWAYS, we had sex one time.  He knew I wasn't on any form of birth control because I haven't had sex in a LONG time.  I found out I was pregnant a few days ago.  OMG.  I have a decent job and a great education and my head on straight.  He refuses to speak to me now.  He is very mean to me actually.  I asked him why he won't answer my calls and he said (via text) that he has nothing to talk to me about.  He then says he refuses to text me about the pregnancy whatsoever.  So that leaves us needing to talk but not getting anywhere.  I don't know what to do.  Everything points to me not going through this or giving the baby up for adoption, but for some reason I care for him so much.  I havent told anyone yet though because I don't know what to do.  I can't force him to care but that's all I want.  I feel alone, helpless, and confused. 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 4:16pm
So sorry to hear what a jerk this guy is being. The important question is what do YOU want? That is first and foremost. If you want to keep the baby, abortion, adoption. You need to figure that out for yourself and leave him out of he picture for now until you have decided what YOU want to do. Once you have decided then you can go from there with dealing with the jerk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 7:59pm

I have to agree with the PP. Since it is so early and you are very upset, not to mention the added hormones, it might be good to just put him out of your head for a while. If you are considering

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 10:51am

UMM, jeez I thought you were gonna say the FOB WAS your brother! whew, glad that's not the case!

OK all terrible jokes aside.......

1. You DO need to figure out what YOU want! For you, by you, only you can make that choice!

2. Fair weather friends fly the coop in a storm, just think on that one. It'll come to you!

3. IF you didn't "whatever" he seems to THINK you may have done to "dupe" him into to this SAY IT! If for no other reason then to get it into the air! BLEEP happens, yes, as I'm sure he knows but there are conniving women as well! one of the possible "fob's" of my daughter didn't talk to me for 6 MONTHS, it took him some time to get over it! He didn't "Ask" that BIG question til she was 8 months OLD! It can take some guys a LONG time to come around.

4. You cannot change or save this guy from himself. The baby won't either. Yeah I'm repeating it but in the end YOU will most likely be the one with the baby ALONE!

5. The single Mom's board is a GREAT place for you! MY sister had a "GEM" of a guy that totally LEFT after the 2nd baby! REALLY! (Long story, religion plays a roll but still, jeez) And she's happier for it. Broke yes but she got LOTS of help from family & friends. She'd not trade her kids for anything, except maybe for him to have left sooner, lol!

hugs, you story is NOT horrible unless you make it that way! Sounds pretty normal so far! hugs again!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 3:01pm

It sounds like you've already gotten some good advice.


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