Still in disbelief....
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|Thu, 07-09-2009 - 8:39pm|
This is my first time posting on this board, i have been with ivillage since i was pregnant with my first baby, so i hope no one minds if i vent, share my story, ask for advice, etc...
So here goes...I have been married for 7 years (in August) have three great kids, ages 5 1/2, 4 and 19 months, all born by c-section. I was supposed to get my tubes tied,but i chickened out at the last minute; DH promised he would eventually get snipped...but, it didn't happen. I am still BF my youngest, and was on the mini pill for a while, but i had some yucky side effects from it, so i switched to FAM and condoms..although my charts have been very erratic, i guess due to breastfeeding still...
So, i have been feeling kind of wierd, super hungry, tired, moody,crampy. Thought it was AF, but no such luck. And despite going to the gym 5 days a week, i have ceased losing weight....i finally broke down and took a test and it's..yep, +.
The problem? DH is out of work, i have no insurance, because we are the primary caretakers of his grandmom who has alzheimer's (she is going to a nursing home in October/November); i had insurance thru my employer but i had to cut back on my hours due to the constant care needed for her.
I haven't told anyone. Not a soul, not even DH. I honestly feel this would be the breaking point in our marriage, we have been thru many ups and downs, and our last baby was a HUGE SUPRISE, and it took both of us quite a while to come to grips with having another baby, although now i can't imagine her NOT being here.
I just don't know what to do. I know i need to talk to my boss about getting insurance, going back to full time (which is going to be stressful on DH,as he will have the kids AND his grandmom for 45 hours a week)....I know i could qualify for medical assistance, but i am afraid; i had the same dr deliver all of my babies and this would be my 4th c-section, i dont' want to go to someone i don't know or trust.
I am just in shock, i dont' even know what to do. And even though i am 29, i still worry about everyone's reaction; i know my entire family is going to think so badly of me for getting into this position when we are barely scraping by as it is.
I appreciate any thoughts, and thanks so much for letting me get this off of my chest.