Unplanned pregnancy at 42--I'm horrified

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2011
Unplanned pregnancy at 42--I'm horrified
26
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 2:53pm

I've been with my fiance for 13 years (engaged/living together for 6), and I've obviously been uncertain about whether to go through with the marriage. Actually, I've been pretty certain that he wasn't right for me, but he's a great guy and I didn't want to hurt him--I've been very cowardly, hoping that eventually he would have enough of it with my uncertainty and end it himself. That hasn't happened.

As I got older, I've been worried about whether I would regret not having children, especially after staying in an uncertain relationship for so long. Well, after being religiously careful for all these years, we had one night of stupidity. Afterward I figured I was 42, so nothing was likely to come of it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2011
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 3:33pm

Hello there, I'm sorry that you are going through that situation, very confusing and stressful!

I am in the same place as you - I am 6 weeks pregnant, completely unplanned while I was on the pill, however, I am 32 and I have not known the father very long, only 3 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 4:15pm

I am now 41 expecting my 5th.

http://s494.photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2011
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 12:14am

Thanks to both of you for your responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2011
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 12:02am

Has anyone read this blog post?

http://innerpieceblog.blogspot.com/2005/12/today-i-hate-being-mother.html

I had started to try to look at the bright side of this, but then I found this post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 11:59am

Hey sophia88,

As i read your posts, they play in my head as a made for TV movie...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 12:04pm
PS... Post partum depression is a difficult time some women suffer through. I was one of them after the birth of my second child. its normal but it does not happen to everyone. The state of mind before the birth is important leading up to and after the birth. Thats why i ask that you embrace this pregnancy. take care of you and your baby. everything else will fall into place...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2011
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 1:14pm

Thank you so much angelbaby, for your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 1:54pm

Hi - I just wanted to add in some thoughts.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2011
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 7:00pm

Dear lettinggo,

Thank you so much for taking the time to response. You're definitely right--I've spent the last couple weeks (not even a couple weeks, since I found out) grieving my life before this happened, before I had to face such a horrible decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 3:14am
I've debated days about responding to your post because I can see both sides and I understand how emotional this can be, but here's my two cents. I've experienced abortion, miscarriage, & parenting.....out of them all I'd have to say abortion & miscarriage effected me in the worse way. I had two abortions when I was young 15 & 17, listening to everyone else and not taking the time to listen to me. I ended up having my daughter at 19 because I was so remorseful, the only thing I wanted was to be a mom and "right my wrongs". My daughter is awesome and I have not 1 regret about having her, sure parenting gets challenging at times, but they are not little for long and the problems you are faced with becomes which school to send your child to or which instrument should they play. 5 yrs after my daughter I conceived twins with my now ex.....he had no children & as soon as he found out I was preggo, he went and brought a house, moved my daughter and myself in.....our lives changed drastically in a short period of time. I miscarried our twins at 18 wks( meaning I still had to give birth)......that crushed my world, his world, our world.....we spent the following 2 yrs trying to conceive, which didn't happen and it weighed so heavy on us. That weight coupled with some other things lead to our demise. But here I am 2 1/2 yrs after our break up & I'm pregnant by a man I've know for 1 1/2 yrs, that I never had an intention of having a baby by, but I'm almost 30 & feel I need to take responsibility for my actions. We were not using any firm of birth control, hell we were barely having sex.....although the decision was difficult it was almost a no brainer for me because I try to live what I speak. My situation is not ideal for a baby right now, but I have to deal with it and make it work because I'm an adult and I've made decision, so I must deal with the consequences. Believe me the lengths I now must endure to have a healthy baby are ridiculous! I'm high risk, I go to the dr every 2 wks, I have a suture in my cervix which prevents me from doing almost anything besides remaining pregnant. All of this with or for a man I'll probably never marry, but it's not about him or me, it's about doing what's right. My point in all of this is your life probably has and will continue to be altered.....please ponder very carefully how you feel and what you can deal/live with, make your decision for you! I hope this helps

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