bathroom hijinks

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
bathroom hijinks
9
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 12:44pm

well got a shock friday night, well mini one friday afternoon. I only do morning drop off so don't see most of the parents. Have had conversations with 1 set of parents so do know some of what has been going down with a specific kid but at first thought it might have been an issue between their kid and this kid because it all seemed to have stemmed from an inncident where the kid was on the floor there kid accidentaly kicked him then that kid made a HUGE todo but teh parents stuck to their guns because other kids backed their kids story. So truth came out they thought resolved then found out kid grabbed their kid in the privates. Now again of the parents I know in that class I don't see alot most just drop and run in the morning, so Friday I was off picked Liam up early and one of the moms came running. "ive been looking for your number" turns out Liam was punched in the stomach last week same kid. Now Liam plays with this kid in the morning. I do watch them (why I hate drop and run 3 teachers in charge of over 500 kids they CANNOT see everything) they play fight I am not a fan. SO I ask Liam if he wants to tell me about anything that happened last week, he said no, dug more asked about bathroom issues, he said his friend x has been getting in trouble denies being hit but something in the way he responded and reacted and I knew another kid would not lie about him getting hit. I let it go but later then night I pressed again, this time I got I don't remember then a we were play fighting. I said no more of that because he can get in trouble too and teachers don't know its fake. Then something told me to ask the other thing and sure enough he admits kid grabbed him in the privates earlier this week. He was scared to tell the teacher. Well addressed that and if he can't tell her tell me. he did tell a friend but thats so much for an 8 year old. Did tell him I asked because so and so father said it was done to his kid (didn't want him to think friend ratted) So now school is closed until the 3rd which is probably good because if it was open today DH would still be steaming...although his solution is for liam to fight back if he does it again...um 2 things wrong with that the obvious he will get in trouble but also reason Liam said nothing was part he sees this kid as a friend and doesn't want to get him trouble. We will work on that, tried telling him friends treat you with respect. But trying to plan my next move. I know the teacher knows of at least 1 other incident, I know he was sent to principal for the punching and also wondering how many other boys has he grabbed in the bathroom clearly 1 is too many but sounds like some issues there. I know the teachers can't be in the bathroom and I wonder how many other boys like Liam who are scared to say anything???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 12:46pm

When I first heard this from the other boy's dad I wondered if it punching in that area not grabbing but the dad said no grabbed so when it happened to Liam I asked grabbed or punched. I don't

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-28-2000
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 1:00pm
Heidi -

I'm reading all of this and thinking it is very possible that with the "play fighting" that grabbing privates is a continuation. I've seen plenty of shows where the men are fighting and they grab privates, kick there, etc. If that child is watching these types of shows he may be play fighting on that level. I guess what I am saying is that I can see if not being sexual in any way. Just not smart and the right thing.

I hope the school has it worked out and all of the boys are feeling safe. My older son was bullied for a large portion of last year. I still don't feel like the school helped him much. This year they rolled out an anti-bullying campaign. I'd really like to know if they are doing anything to support the kids being bullied or if it is all lip service.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 6:14am

We do have a counslor, actually I think there are 2 one for k-4 and one for 5-8. The one thing that is an issue is we have a zero tolerence for bullying. Right now its reaction to a sucide in the western part of the state and we are not the only town in state with these zero tolerance which in itself isn't

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 12:26am
I do see that you care what happens to this boy, as well as your son. I just hope the school does too. You know your school best about how they handle things.

I keep reading stuff about kids (young kids) being labeled and then as adults having all sorts of issues with finding work and such. They need help when they are kids - sometimes as simple as saying "Don't do that silly! You will get in trouble!"

Yes, if brought to the attention of the counselor, red flags should go up. But too many schools have no counselors, and resort to the police first. If your school does have a counselor, you may want to talk to her/him before talking to the teacher - she/he may have a way of addressing this with the whole class - talking about personal space, etc. The teacher is probably not trained at all to deal with stuff like this, where counselors are.

I think your son is very brave to say anything. He knows it is wrong, but doesn't want his friend to get in trouble. Even if the friend is not really acting friendly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Sun, 01-01-2012 - 5:43pm
I had the same thoughts on the boy with Nathaniel. Kids just don't do this kind of stuff....what has that little boy been exposed to in his life that would make him act this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sat, 12-31-2011 - 8:45am

People think I'm crazy I feel for this kid a bit. Now granted Liam is my first experiene with 8 year old boys...well aside when I was 8 and that was a WAY different time...but to me this is defeinaltly more then boys being boys but where does an 8 yr old come up with grabbing down there unless he's seen it or had it done to him.

As for his parents never seen them. I'm only there in morning and never see anyone drop him off he just appears in playground and when class is dismissed no one waits in school yard for him. My mom thinks I hoover but I like to have some presense in the school. heck if I didn't I never would have known he was punched let only grabbed. With the otehr innncident with other boys parents were spoken to seperatly.

At this point I'd guess seperate bathroom times is a solution. while I am not opposed for other reasons of switching classes that just solves Liam's problem he's not the only boy in class, same with moving this boy. If he is the only issue making him go alone even.

I guess my bigger worry is Liam standing up for himself and speaking up and realizing good friendships vs toxic ones...boy life was so much easier when my biggest bathroom woe was him actually ever using one!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sat, 12-31-2011 - 8:35am

what bothers me most is Liam's reaction..its almost like he wants to be this kids friend so bad he doesn't want to say something (well as far as the punching went) He did say he was scared to tell about the grabbing and he is shy. As much as I beleive its probably innocent and not sexual, they do ALL need to learn its not acceptable. With the whole penn state thing in the news I have gone over this with him. To the point he is old enough to clean himself there so there isn't even reason really for mom or dad to go there. Course I covered the Dr thing. This boy does have a history of turning it around on the other kid but patterns surely when the second boy comes foward going to be hard to make that case.

I'm going to pull her aside on Tuesday, just say Liam says this happened, I am aware it has happened before. while I don't think its was necessarily sexual I do think it needs to be addressed if this is the second kid and I only got it out of Liam because someone told me he was hit and in asking him about that I eventually got this out of him which makes me wonder are there any other scared boys not willing to say anything??? See to me kids don't just do this so I also wonder whats going on in that boys life...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sat, 12-31-2011 - 12:07am
Tell the teacher what happened and recommend that the boy only go to the bathroom alone, or last in line from now on. Counselors and school will probably get involved, if this has happened with more than one kid, which is why his telling you is a good thing - the school can explain to this boy how to better react to stuff in the future. Which is what I would tell my son.

Fact of the matter is, it will go on his permanent record and may end up as a sexual harassment case, if the case of a girl kissing a boy on a dare is any indicator. Or the kid who has to register as a sexual predator for life because he looked up the dress of a girl when she walked over him during nap time in kinder. His chances of getting a job, or even a rental in the future are nill.

Just, consider that they are kids. No, you don't want him branded for life for some stupid things at age 8 or so, but do consider how the school handles things. You might want to talk to the parents, in a calm and concerned manner, explaining what I said above, so that they can address it before the school does think he is a predator. And do explain that your son is his friend, but he doesn't like this behavior.

Either way, it will be addressed if the parents are at all concerned about their son's behavior. I know I would be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Fri, 12-30-2011 - 9:08am
This is awful. Bottom line the school can and has to do something b/c he is touching these childrens privates on school grounds. I would probably be sitting on the principals desk until something was done about it, it is obvious this boy has problems and they need to taken care of, not just pushed aside by the school.
I don't generally say anything but when Nathaniel was in 2nd grade he had a friend in his class who lived on our street. I met his parents, went to their home, walked w/ them to pick the boys up and got to know them well. One day Nathaniel went over to their house to play, they were like 5 houses down from us and the boy had been to our house as well. I had even been to their home w/ Nathaneil for the boys to play. Well this day I walked over with him and then walked back home. The mom walked Nathaniel back from playing a few hours later. All seemed well. A few days later at school this boy started telling people that he had touched Nathaniel's privates and the counselor called me. I was furious! I felt like my child had been molested by this boy. I approached the parents, of course the child turned it around on Nathaniel and said he had done the same. The parents said teir kid was innocent. The child started bullying Nathaniel at school and the principal took the child out of Nathaniel's class. I told the mother and grandmother of the child they'd better keep him away from Nathaniel. It got pretty ugly. The school told me they couldn't do anything about the touching the privates b/c it had taken place off of school grounds but they could handle the bullying which they did.
Since this happened on school grounds where Liam is concerned they can and should do something about it.
I remember how terrible I felt when it happened to Nathaniel....I know how you must feel.

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