I don't want him to settle for being a 'C' student

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Registered: 10-08-2004
I don't want him to settle for being a 'C' student
18
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:04pm

Nathaniel's 2nd report card of the year came home today.

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Registered: 07-25-2007

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Registered: 09-12-2003

Liam had c and d last time around. It was not a suprise to me but to him it was. See he wants a and b without the work. I know he is capable but similar to Nathaniel there are obsticles in his way. To me in many ways a C for him is a B, he does have to work harder and it doesn't help he does not have an IEP friendly teacher (now she would rather send the work home with him to redo then to explore options to overcome his writting issues) I look at his work sometimes he has the right answer she can't read she marks it wrong...well yes but no, saving these to review with OT. Yes he has to produce legiable work BUT in same OT has declared he will never catch up.

Anyway, like I said he was expecting better grades, explained yes you got some high test scores but some real low ones it averages out. Also explained 99% of people don't just get As without studying. there is a small group of people who are just that smart rest of us have to bust our butts. Now I run hot and cold if I truly believe he is trying its one thing but other times he is being lazy. I do restrict when its clear its laziness. Like Friday he had homework agreed it could wait, well comes time to do homework discover 1 its not homework but incomplete classwork 2 he had more then I was lead to beleive. So DH was out working all day and I let him play the Wii and the use the computer meanwhile he had ALL this homework I NEEDED to help with (we have 2 options on homework he tells me answer I write or we do on computer, worksheets are hard to do on computer some I have templates for but not all) I went off. Took the wii away.

When he got his report card I was not happy but there was no punishment, I did stress bringing things up. He is NOT happy I am more hands on with homework because now finishing worksheets not enough I make him review stuff even if they didn't do it in school. Math he is OK with but those spelling and vocab words he fights me on it. We should get report cards soon but not sure if there was much of an improvement because of the IEP battles (I can review as much as home but if he is forced to write it we have a 50/50 shot) Hoping if there is a slight improvement he will get excited and be willing to keep working harder,

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Registered: 10-08-2004
He's not really rushing through homework, its classwork. Somethings, like spelling workbook pages, he chooses to bring home rather than to do at school. He just doesn't feel comfortable doing them at school. It is getting better but there are still things I just think he doesn't feel comfortable with so he would rather have me nearby if he has a question. Since the beginning of the year I encourage him to ask his teacher for help, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. I am not sure he feels like he can sometimes. I know that sounds like a crutch but after the conferences I have had w/ her she just doesn't seem like a warm and fuzzy type.
The C in spelling, I think that is the best he can do. He works really hard for his spelling grade and he did bring it up from a D to a C. Math and grammar should be more around a B though to me, same w/ Soc Studies.
The idea of telling him that there are 2 wrong on a page and not telling him which ones is a good idea. I do tell him they are wrong and to rework them but I always tell him which ones are wrong. I will try it the way you do it. I think alot of his 'bad' grades are like that test Zeph took, him not reading the instructions.

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Registered: 10-08-2004
Our teacher isn't a big fan of IEPs either. She tells me 'I have had kids w/ dyslexia before' I just want to shout at her 'THEY ARE NOT ALL THE SAME!!!' She cannot compare my child's level of dyslexia to other kids. He says he is ok w/ the grades but he has to notice them and others might have higher grades.
We have times like you had on Friday. I have started telling him that he must get his homework done on Friday and not wait the weekend b/c then come Sunday he has no desire to do it and it turns into a battle. Sometimes when he comes home and tells me he has a substantial amount of homework the first thing I ask him is 'did everyone else have that much or is some of this stuff you didn't finish in class?' I am usually 100% right and that is the case, he didn't finish it in class. I think lacking motivation or whatever in class is a big part of his grades....I just don't know how to fix it. And I don't think taking the TV away is the way to go.

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Registered: 07-25-2007

Zeph has Aspergers and it plays a part in his executive functioning.

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Registered: 07-25-2007

If he chooses to bring home work rather than do it in class, what is he doing in class during that time?

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Registered: 01-05-2005

Any ideas on how to motivate him? I don't want him to feel like he is not good enough but like I said I want him to to try harder especially to avoid careless mistakes.

I don't have any brilliant ideas, but I will say that in our house, we try not to tie grades to punishment OR rewards. We do expect the kids to do their best level, and we do emphasize education/reading/learning for the sake of learning, not for school. For example, everyone reads for half an hour before bed, always, in school or out of school. We order educational magazines. The boys both did beestar math for reinforcement and challenge (beestar.com- LOVE it). Now, ds11 does Art of Problem Solving if he has time. I have educational apps on my iPod which they can use if we are in a waiting room. We talk about what's in the newspaper... I try to really make them realize that education is important and they need to do their best, not for me or for dad, but for THEMSELVES. I try to engage them in activities and homework and tell them often how proud I am of the effort they are making, but again, I try to make it about them, not me/my disappointment. I don't punish them if they do poorly on something because I want to convey the message that they are the ones being hurt and that they are capable of more!

It stinks that you have an IEP -unfriendly teacher, and that

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Registered: 09-12-2003

Now this is just based on our experience. If she isn't IEP fan is she maybe not as enthusistic with her motivation. Sorry forget what grade he is in, but for us the transition from 2nd to 3rd has been HUGE. Teacher claims she is preparing for the bigger leap to 4th grade but she is old school vs some of his teachers from the past. Past teachers were more into rewards systems. I get they are getting older but to go from having it to not some kids will adjust different. Also if she isn't that warm fuzzy type he might feel out of sorts asking for help so he feels more comfortable with you. I think with Liam he is adjusting to being different and wants to avoid drawing attention to himself as much as possible so he wont ask to use the computer and she also is more rgid then teacher last year so if she sees him struggle she is less likely to jump in and do stuff orally like teacher last year so he just feels more comfortable doing at home and I understand and I'd probably be better with it if we didn't get home until 6!!! I like being more hands on because I know what he is doing but at the same after a long day at work sometimes I just want to scream.

Now we don't take TV away per say but its more teaching logic. If he has unfinished school work and homework its twice sometimes three times as much to do which will cut into his TV time, so what we try to point out if he misses a show because we were still doing work or he didn't get computer time, I will point out if you finished in class we would have had tp spend so much time at home. I get why he brings home just want him to learn there are services in school to help he needs to speak up.

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Registered: 08-31-2009

Is there some activity he really wants to do? (sports, karate, some club, whatever)




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Registered: 05-02-2004
Well, first, how is the teacher grading? If she is doing a bell curve, he is average. Somebody has to be average or being above average means that it is average. He is still in elementary school too - plenty of time for him to get work habits down. Also, how are the other kid's grades in comparison? Is this teacher a really hard grader on everyone? Some classes are like that - one teacher does not expect as much effort for a high grade as another does.

Now, those above were all for YOUR mindset, not his. My mother was a smart woman, in my opinion. For us 6 kids, grades were not what was emphasized. Effort was emphasized. I studied my rear off for Spanish in high school and just barely passed. My step brother never opened a book and got the same grade. He got chewed out, and I didn't. Some teachers expected more work to get that great grade. Sometimes for some of us could do that, and some times, lets face it, being of average IQ, we got an average grade.

Yes, discuss with him what he can do to get better grades. Have him go to the teacher and ask what he needs to do to get better grades. Have him tell the teacher to email you what she said so that you can help him keep on task from home. If he follows through and still doesn't get great grades, praise him for his effort.

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