feeling guilty about school choice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
feeling guilty about school choice
6
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 7:10am

My youngest misses our town kindergarten cut off by 17 days. We check out a few options for next year. Preschools were over priced and he wasn't impressed. We check out a catholic school that will let him do kindergarten and he LOVED it and its less then the preschools so we signed him up all along planning he'd repeat kindergarten at older DS school the next year. Honestly maturity wise I think more then acedemics but I know how older DS school works so I'm not worried if he has the acedemics but being on the young side needs another year to mature because they do work with kids on skill level not class as whole in most things. When we went to the open house to check out the school we had an easy explaination why we are only enrolling 1 of 2 kids. Older DS is on an IEP and they don't have those services. I know he is in the right school for him. Well this is where the guilt starts and maybe its not guilt.

Turns out a half older DS baseball team goes there. Some of these kids and parents we have known in passing for 5 years. I know some choose the school because they couldn't get into the local charter school and hated the public school. I have LOVED older DS school and normally defend public school so here I am doing catholic school (should add I'm Jewish to boot). Now I was very impressed with this school and if it wasn't financially and logistically a challenge I wouldn't be in it for just kindergarten. Like I said ODS is in right school for him, but as a younger sibling I wonder if being out of big brother shadow is a good thing. I was pre judged because of my sister and I wonder if they would assume his brother has delays he might and be quicker to jump. I know I make this jump some days. I paniced after his testing they mentioned how he held a pencil and I flashed back to ODS motor skills and worried did we make wrong choice what if he needs similar intervention. DH usually brings me back to reality. YDS has never been in a formal school so how would he know how to hold it right.

So I was talking to my mom last night and she was like its no one's business why I pull him the next year and I know she is right but they have been so welcoming and I flash back to being a newcomer at ODS school and we didn't go through the towns preschool or have older siblings in the school so no one talked to us at open houses before school started and even after school started it was cliquey and maybe this school is the same its just while I don't have the older sibling in the school they know the older sibling. Time will tell I guess and since I am already panicing over the cost let alone how to get 2 kids to 2 different school via the bus I know my mom is right and know most of these mom's would have pulled their kid for the charter school and under that every kid is different and while ODS IEP makes catholic school not a good mix it makes charter school just as bad so maybe I put younger DS on there too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 11:55am

Seriously you need to relax--your mom is right--it is no one's business and if they ask you, you just say either you can't afford it or if you don't want to say that cause it's kind of embarrassing, then you say that it's too difficult to arrange everything having your kids in 2 different schools--end of story.  My son ended up going to private school for kindergarten (he had been at this place since age 3 for preschool and pre-K) because they had full day KG.  when my Dd went to public school for KG, it was 1/2 day but there was a daycare center near by that not only arranged for daycare for the other 1/2 day but also provided bus transportation to the school--that daycare closed by the time my DS was ready 6 yrs later.  So he started 1st grade in the public school & I'm sure most of those kids had gone to the same school for KG--it's not like it made a difference or he couldnt' make friends.  I work full time so I have never really worried about being friends with the other parents--the kids made their own friends in school & I got to know those kids' parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 12:36pm

Yah I know but I also get the building a school comunity. We have had kids ODS started school with move on and in some cases it was the "oh this school isn't good enough for my kid" and I never want to come off like that or that I was using your school. I don't drive so biggest thing will be getting 2 kids to 2 different schools but its still an issue when YDS moves to ODS school because then ODS is in the middle school part of school so goes 30 min earlier but yes they don't have to know that.

I get the excitement over your kids school. I do really like ODS school, which brings up a different guilt because I know sending kid 2 to a different school may make people wonder and most that end up with private do it over issues with the public school (yes I hear comments "i'd never send my kid there" about where ODS goes). Plus I know some parents at ODS school were a bit confused until I explained the age thing. I am 100% pro public school. School is what you make of it and i am sure these kids would do just as good at the public schools. Although I will admit there are aspects of each I like.

Guess if I didn't know going into it I am using the school and I do know if I loved it and money wasn't an issue I can't keep him in it in the upper grades as the religion aspect increases. Boy if picking an elementary school is this tough imagine finding a college :)

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 4:53pm
I think you just need to look at it as you are doing the best thing for each of your individual kids. Not all schools are "one size fits all", your kids have different needs, as does your family, and you are adjusting and picking schools based on that, end of story. I agree that while building a school community is good, and just because you know he isn't going to be there next year, shouldn't stop you from doing that and being friendly with other parents, in the end its not any of their business how and why your family makes its decisions, just that its best for your family.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 10:05pm

Replying to orginal poster - this jumps around and I got the wrong one.

Here is what I would say if anyone asks:   "My son didn't qualify for kinder due to age, and we didn't want him repleating the same material where he was.   This place seems to be a higher quality than some of the daycares we looked at.   I think he will be happy here."   If they ask about next year, I would put them off with "I don't know yet."  

With that you are not putting down the public school, you are praising the private one, and not committing to the future. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 10:22am

I never thought or heard of the concept of "using" a school.  If it's private school, you are paying tuition to go there so it's hardly using them.  It would be different if you took some kind of free place on false pretenses.  Believe me, the school admin. isn't going to care that much that one kid goes to public school after kindergarten unless the reason is that you're saying bad things about the private school, which you won't be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 4:45pm

I agree with Treddle, and really, you're overthinking this.  If you are paying the stated tuition, you're not "using" them.  It's perfectly legitimate to do what you're doing.

Gwen

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