"The talk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2011
"The talk"
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 2:20pm

Just wondering when any of you had the sex talk with your child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 3:04pm
My son will be 11 next week and is in the 5th grade. I have pondered with this myself numerous times but I can't come to an answer. I often wonder how much he knows already and I am thinking to just flat out ask him sometime.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 11:52am
At 11 they know plenty. If you watch TV, they have seen it. Not the mechanics, but they do understand why Marge and Homer are "snuggling". You may want to find some books to leave around, then maybe discuss in the car (when they can't get away?) You can also term it in that you want their friends to be safe by talking to them some things that might come up so that they can give good advice to friends. But do make clear what you expect in your family. They want to know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 3:11pm

We have a Dating & Sex section for parents here~ http://www.ivillage.com/dating-sex/6-s-124598 with lots of articles, but I think this is a good one to start with:

Talking about Sex: 10 Bases to Cover


Hope that helps!


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 10:31am

Am I foolish to think that she knows nothing?? She will go to middleschool next year where who knows what all she will see and hear.

I hate to say it, but yep, I think it's foolish. Obviously, I could be dead wrong, but I was really surprised when we talked to ds11 to find out JUST how much he knew. We never had one "talk," but instead had a number of discussions over a long period of time. Plus, they go to a presentation in 5th grade, which talks about puberty and sex to a certain extent.

Seriously, though, we are really strict. My kids watch almost no TV (they get an hour a day media and ds11 almost always uses it to play Wii or Minecraft, *if* he has time, which since he got to middle school is rare). We monitor their movies and books, too. But, when dh started talking to him more extensively, he had heard a LOT. I actually was a little freaked out (this is a kid who is very quiet, and whose pursuits include math club, chess club, orchestra, etc ;)). I talked to dd21 and dd19, who made me remember (or maybe told me for the first time) how much they knew at that age. They both talked to some guy friends, the vast majority of whom said that they had seen porn by that age (which actually fits in with what I've read).

We live in a nice suburb that has been voted the best place to raise kids by numerous publications like Money magazine. I think our schools are fabulous... yet, since ds11 has started 6th grade I've heard of:

1) friend's dd with hickey

2) kids making out on the side of the middle school after school (6th graders)

3) "dirty dancing" at their quarterly dances

4) talk of which girls are easy

I could go on and on.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sat, 10-29-2011 - 7:15pm

We're kissin' cousins to Theresa, but in an even MORE expensive suburb--and we had a girl pregnant at 11. And at 12yo, our older dd told us that the reason she didn't want to hang out with a particular girl, was that she gave bj's. By the time they were 14, they knew kids with STD's.
We started having explicit sex talks with our kids around 8, and never stopped.

You need to get started NOW. This is happening EVERYWHERE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Tue, 11-01-2011 - 10:16am

Hey ladies! This article just came out and it reminded me of this conversation. Hope you find it helpful!

Is Your Tween Having Sex? Here’s How to Have “The Talk”

Did you know kids as young as 12 are already having sex? Use these tips to talk to your kids about sex, love and relationships