Transition into Kindergarten

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Transition into Kindergarten
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 1:55pm

My youngest son, Mikey is having a hard time adjusting to life in Kindergarten.  He is my youngest of four and my only child with asthma. He is already a high energy kid, and when you add being sick half the time, and then the breathing treatments that hype him up, it becomes very difficult for him to sit still, and pretty moody when the teachers tells him he needs to listen.  I’m actively working with the teacher to help get him on the right track. He has his good days and bad days. But there has been much improvement. I seriously wonder why this wasn’t an issue in pre-k and wonder if he was allowed to “mouth back” because I surely wasn’t told about this behavior.

He is not a perfect angel at home. I have to remind him often that he is not allowed to yell, or throw something when he is mad. He goes through these cycles where he does really well, then he gets sick. Because he is sick he becomes miserable, and then the meds hype him up. So now you have a miserable child that really can’t do anything that is bouncing off the walls. When he gets better he has post sickness attitude. Takes about a week to get him back on track.

His father gets pretty mad at him but this makes things a million times worse.  Mikey hates when people are upset with him. I don’t think his behavior is intentional, I think he is 5 and still learning how to cope with it. I personally believe he needs more patience shown to him because of this. And I know that using a calm firm voice when he is upset helps him calm down.  Mikey doesn’t give me nearly the hard time that he gives his father. Mikey feeds off his father's mood when his father gets upset with him. Trying to balance work life and home life becomes quite the challenge because of this. Between staying home with him when he is sick and feeling like I shouldn't work late so I can be home with him after school is pretty stressful on me.

I don’t know what is wrong with people, but if I hear one more person tell me that “if that was my child I beat his @ss” I’m going to scream. Oh wait, too late I already have. I got into a huge argument with a friend of mine over this. I get this from some friends, some of my family, some of Mikey’s father’s family.  I’m not in any delusional about my child behavior. Not ignoring the issues…. Not even a new mother that is just over whelmed and not sure where I went wrong. And most certainly I am not asking for their opinions. Support, sure, having someone to vent to would be great but honestly I don’t even do that much because I hate the judgment.      

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 9:41pm

I am going to assume that the pre-k teacher was a lot like you, and the kinder teacher is more like your husband.  

It may be helpful to see if you can set up a 504 plan because his behavior is based on a medical issue.  

I wonder if you get the "beat his a$$" attitude because he is the youngest and people think you are spoiling him.   I probably should have gotten that for my middle son - but he was middle and the kids on either side are better behaved.   I would be very tempted to tell those people that you have the same expectations for him as you do for the other kids.   And it is isn't a matter of not taking the meds - he HAS to have them.   Not being able to breath is scary for him and for you.   If you have told them this and they still don't get it...start hanging out with other people who are more understanding.    

I hope that you all figure out some methods that help him stay incontrol of himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 12:46pm

Its like the monday morning quaterback EVERYONE has an opinion but until the walk in your shoes...Its hard though I will admit I have self diagnosied others kids (hey I'm surprisingly dead on but I keep it to myself because I don't have a medical or pysch degree)

My oldest sounds some like your son. We breezed through preschool no problem but one comment still haunts me. We knew he had a speech issues but WE had to address it to them. OK really how do you NOT realize and got some oh by law even if we did we couldn't say anything. HUH? Then what am I paying you for if you aren't going to be preparing my kid for kindergarten. My sister used a different preschool with a different approach and they did address issues. So some of the preschool maybe they felt they were just glorified baby sitters and not teachers. Learned 1 lesson from all this and my 4 year old is still in an in home day care since he can't go to kindy until he is 6 why pay more for them to pretend they are preparing him.

Anyway my oldest had some medical issues but they never affected his daily life by the time he was old enough for it to matter. He was relatively healthy didn't miss much preschool and like I said they just adored him. Now he was ALWAYS active and sensitive. My youngest was born 3 weeks after he started kindy. Teacher cut him some slack but come January she called us in. We started testing at that point and eventually got a 504 and now an IEP.

I had a period when I felt out of place with other parents because of my oldest and still do. I bite my tongue A LOT and avoid some things. As he has grown up and matured somethings have passed. We too deal with work and family balance and that has been some of his issues. My take on it is kindy is a huger hump then day care every was. I naively thought he was in day care since he was 11 weeks old so he is used to it but kindy was his first experience with kids who's mom's didn't work, Not everyone stayed until 5:30 and that effected him greatly and was one of our issues. He likes after school now but it was tough he would cry everyday after school when he got in that line and it KILLED me to hear. I can't stay home we would loss our house so that guilt but I had to move past it too.

Lunch is almost up so wrapping up with I do know asthma meds can hype them up and I wonder how much the teacher understands with that. Also learned there are great teachers, ok teachers and teachers who really need to rethink their proffession. DS had one like that last year and so did my nephew who is also a challenge. You aren't going to get 25 kids with bright shiney faces hands folded ready and able to learn at same pace. Some kids will have challenes and its your job to help them overcome them or get them the help they neeed