Does your child "hide" their abilities?
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Does your child "hide" their abilities?
| Tue, 10-25-2011 - 1:18pm |
I am starting to see signs of DD (4) , starting to "hide" her abilities, and it has me concerned, especially since she's a girl. She's socially very
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DS tried to hide the fact that he could read, until I reassured him that I would
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I've seen the phenomenon with kindy kids spending a year unlearning their reading skills every so often. I'm not sure why that happens. Did your DD go on to love reading?
I think some of this is pretty normal and to be expected. How many times as an adult have you accepted instructions when you already knew what to do? How many sports games have you slowed down a bit when the win margin was already high. How many grandparents have you let spew dated parenting advice and just smile and nod while thinking "um, no way I'm putting brandy on my kids gums" lol. We all do this because we want those around us to be comfortable and to feel good about themselves. It's really no different for kids.
That is funny (in a sad way) about the remedial reading group. I hope that she was much happier in the advanced group - I know my daughter was!
My YDD used to do the same, and she still falls prey to that kind of thing - for example, because many of her friends in her bilingual school are still not fluent in their second language, she'll pretend to have an accent too because "it sounds cool like that."
Deborah
I wouldn't get concerned. She's figuring out how to adapt her interactions with people depending on the environment -- and like many young kids she's over-applying the newly learned rule. It shows a social perceptiveness. I would validate what she's learning about the environment and about other people. "Some kids are just learning those things. People learn things at different times. It's okay to know stuff early, and it's okay to learn it later." I don't think it's a sign that she's on a relentless trajectory towards dumbing-down. Just beginning to realize that everyone's different, and interactions need to take that into account in some way.
My kids all adapt their style of interactions depending on the environment they're in. Occasionally, when they were very young, that took a form similar to what you're describing. Nowadays it's more likely to be subtle stuff like killing a bit of time daydreaming at the end of an in-class math problem set before putting their hand up to get your solutions checked, so that they don't appear to have waltzed through quite so easily as they did lest that be demoralizing to their classmates.
There's a fine line between being proud of your abilities and appearing intimidatingly competent. Personally I'd rather my kids be confident and comfortable with their abilities but err on the side of caution in displaying them in environments where others may be struggling. I'll bet your dd will gradually find that fine line and develop more subtle ways of accommodating while remaining authentic.
miranda
Miranda
in rural BC, Canada
mom to three great kids and one great grown-up
unschooler, violist, runner, doc