Gifted teens and romantic relationships
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Gifted teens and romantic relationships
| Thu, 03-08-2012 - 8:48pm |
My daughter has just started dating, and she's really troubled by the loss of control over her emotional life. She has always been very guarded, and is really struggling with the idea that she is emotionally vulnerable. She went on two dates with this guy earlier this week (they are on spring break), and has been angry and cranky for the past couple of days. I do think he likes her, but she hates the idea that someone else has an influence on her emotional well-being.
Any words of wisdom?
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Pushing the boy away is typically what she does. Honestly, some of it is to protect the boy's feelings in case she finds, after analyzing the relationship to death, that she doesn't feel the same way, and some of it is just because she really doesn't want to take risks. I do think this is related to her perfectionism (if I can't guarantee a good outcome, why take the risk?) and her need to be in control. Intellectually, she knows she needs to put herself out there a bit more--she has always come across as very reserved, self-sufficient and perhaps a bit chilly--
So no words of wisdom here, sorry.
Miranda
Miranda
in rural BC, Canada
mom to three great kids and one great grown-up
unschooler, violist, runner, doc
No advice, just a hug. It's hard to see your child have any issues you feel powerless to help them through. It may just take time and experience.
I would also talk to her about not letting the boy push her into moving faster than she wants to. One of my kids had a year-long relationship (broke up when they left for college). One reason it worked for a long time (in teen terms) is that they were not completely joined at the hip - they made sure they kept up with their other friends and activities. I would reassure your dd that it is possible to be in a relationship and not lose herself.
Hope it turns out to be a great thing for her.