**New Here - Is my reason for considering HS the Wrong one?**

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
**New Here - Is my reason for considering HS the Wrong one?**
19
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 4:28pm

Hello everyone,

My daughter is 4 and is enrolled to start JK in Sept.  Today I had a slight anxiety feeling in my chest just thinking about the whole thing.  Who will watch her?  Who will comfort her when she's hurt or upset?  Am I making a mistake?  Will these feeling go away?

As a stay-at-home Mom, I've never been without her since she was born and only my Mother has watched her and that's only been for a few hours at a time.  I just can't imagine someone else taking care of her.  I know they are educators but they are responsible for her safety - something I just can't come to grips with. 

I hate the feeling so much I considered HS.  I'm wondering if my reason is the wrong one.  I've read many parents' reasons for HS; special needs, bullying experience, control over what their child learns and how, etc.  But have yet to hear of a parent who has the feelings I do.  Today I felt alone and needed to reach out.  I'm hoping someone is there to reach back.

Natalie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
I think home schooling because you love your child and want to be the one to teach and take care of her is a wonderful reason to home school :-) I don't think there needs to be some extreme reason in order to do it. The reason I wanted to home school was simply because I love my kids and I want to be with them and experience life with them. I want to be the one to help them through things and what a better way than by home schooling. Plus, your daughter is only 4. If you're not comfortable with her going now don't send her. Maybe next year you'll feel different, maybe you won't.

You're clearly a good mama who wants the best for her kiddo. Go with your mama instinct, I've found that it is rarely wrong.

Big Hug!!!!!
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Avatar for vegiemama
Community Leader
Registered: 01-06-2000

Hi Natalie.  Your reason is absolutely 100% a good one!  I wish more parents thought like you do, instead of blindly turning their child(ren) over to a stranger who, while s/he probably loves kids and is a good teacher, is also in charge of +/- 20 other youngsters.  There's no way that person can possibly feel the way about your child the way you feel about her.  With you at her side as she explores the world around her, she is safe, and she can be confident in who she is just because she exists.  She doesn't have to worry about fitting in with the others...or that some other child is teasing her...or any of the myriad of things that go on these days in school (yes, even at the JK age :smileyindifferent:).  As a bonus, you can customize her learning experience to fit her.  She doesn't have to be the square peg trying to fit into a round hole (sorry, noticed your user name, and the analogy fits).  She can be free to be herself.

I say go for it.  Your motherly instincts aren't going to lead you astray.  If for some reason it ends up being a horrible mistake (which it won't!) you can put her in school...or enroll her next year.  

If you have other questions or need help knowing how to get started, feel free to peruse the board and/or ask. We're here to help in any way we can :heart:


Sue
Homeschooling mom to DD15 & DS11

CL of Homeschooling, Signature Showcase, Ectopic Loss, and Fertility Charting

Avatar for hbkk20
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005

I think to follow your instincts in a wonderful thing! It will be different for everyone. We all have our place in society and if yours is as a home educator, and you are good with that in your family group....go for it! No one should feel they must do what the standard choice in society is, everyone should be happy to make their own way. I did not home school from the start, but felt pushed to it, to fill my kids needs, that were lacking in a large classroom and they were not able to do what was needed for her to grow/learn best. I was fortunate that we could alter our budget, choices, plans to do what was best for my square pegs, best interest.

 I did not intend to do it for all the children, but just fell into that, as other issues arose in our family and I found home school worked well for us, with all our other choices here. Having been the stranger educator (preschooling and church mostly), and knowing what a huge trust other parents placed in my hands, I wanted to trust others, to be the same kind of educator, I tried to be in classrooms.

 Yet, I know how taxing and stressful it can be, esp. with a high needs kid in a group of many, who all have needs, high and low in differing areas!  So, I ultimately followed my instincts and am thankful it worked for us, yes there is sacrifice, as in every choice, do what is best for your circumstances!  Now mine are entering back into classroom education, and it does make me nervous, but all of society with it's hate, shootings, disillusion and idealism can be hard to handle and it will prolly not change. So find the best fit for you! I wish you all the best. My home schooling journey has been worth it for us, and that is what matters most.

H.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
I sent my oldest to kinder and 1st grade. The first days of school were hard for me - I didn't have that "How great it is to not have them home!" feeling. I was sad. I wanted to be the one teaching her, I wanted to know what she was learning so I could relate it to other things in our lives.

None of my kids did preschool. My oldest would have liked it, but I couldn't afford it. I could have put my second with speech delays in Head Start, but they spoke entirely Spanish, and I wanted him speaking one language well. My youngest...well, at 4 he was still knocking on the door of the bathroom while I showered or such, and asking "Mom, you in there?" He just needed to know where I was all the time. He would not have done well away from me.

4 is still young. Yes, maybe it is time for her to be with other people without you some. But hour or even 1/2 hour long gymnastics class can accomplish that very well, the kind where you sit off to the side or behind the glass and don't participate. But then again, some 4 year olds are just not ready for that either. Spending quality time with parents can be better emotionally for the kids.

I guess you need to ask yourself why you want to do JK. If it is for academics, I say scrap it, and have her stay home. You can teach her to count, to learn her alphabet, and write her name, and learn her colors. Go to the park and hang out with other moms and kids. If it is social...find out how much social they actually do. If it is all academic...nah. You can do social at home and at the park too. Get together with other moms for a weekly play/craft day. Go to the library for reading days.

A mom whom I was friends with did not send her kids to preschool. When asked why she would pass up the great learning, she said it was because she didn't want her kids to be bored at school. She knew they were bright and would catch on, but she only taught them things that they asked to know, like measuring, counting, things that they could do to help dad with his work. Sure enough, when they got to school, they did as well as the kids who had been to preschool and "learned" it all then. The trick is, when the brain is ready, it will learn fast. If you push early, kids CAN learn, but it takes a lot longer. These boys skipped the drudgery and started when ready. The long winded point of this is, even if you decide to have her go to Kinder at 5, she will not be behind. Even if all you do is sing the ABCs and count together when you push her on the swing.

Do look at yourself and your interactions with your daughter. If you homeschool, do allow her opportunities to grow and experiment with independence away from you. I hate rules a schools for "safety" that don't let kids run, won't let kids climb or do things where they learn about the limits of their bodies while young. Allow her appropriate independence to move ahead of you when walking or biking, or being outside alone. Learning to do things on their own helps them to learn that book learning is also something they can do on their own, that unlike most kids in school think, it can be done without adult supervision. When they learn that, teaching becomes leading and allowing them to find more on their own. (Not saying that you already don't do those things - they are examples.)

I suggest that you see if there are any homeschool groups that meet in parks or such in your area. Find out what they do (or aren't doing, more likely) at this age. Allowing your child time to be a child before they have to grow up is just fine. That is one of the reasons we homeschool too. In my state mandatory enrollment in school is not required until age 8. The last state I was in it was age 6. Your state is probably at the least, age 5, but probably higher. You have time to decide. JK is not going to make or break her education. If you homeschool this year, consider doing interest led or unschooling. Don't push academics just because the JK does. She will have plenty of time for worksheets later, if you want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2001

I had a bad experance in the public school system with my children this year. But before all of that I always thought to myself it seems so unfair that the schools have them for X amount of hours every single day. When they come home they have homework to be done, whatever extra activies they might be involved in, than you have to fix dinner, dishes, get them ready for bed, and than bed time. That only left me with about four waking hours a day with my kids and it was spent hussling and bussling around.Than on the weekends they had there games or tournaments to get to. By the time summer rolled around I was so thankful to have my kids as mine again.

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
Your gut is telling you that you should home school her. That is one of the best reasons. What reason would you have to public school? Because everyone else does? Now that is a rotten reason!
Avatar for vegiemama
Community Leader
Registered: 01-06-2000
squarepegs wrote:
 I'm thinking that although I trust my instincts, it might just but me afraid to let her fly from the nest:smileyhappy:

I'm just going to say that I think 4 is too young to be flying from the nest.  But that's just my humble opinion :smileywink:


Sue
Homeschooling mom to DD15 & DS11

CL of Homeschooling, Signature Showcase, Ectopic Loss, and Fertility Charting

Avatar for vegiemama
Community Leader
Registered: 01-06-2000

You're right...it's easier to do something if someone else is doing it too.  But, there always has to be a first.  You never know...maybe you'll be the one who is approached by another mom, asking if you hs!  If you're in a smaller town, you may have to travel to a bigger town to be part of a group.  (I did, at first.)  Have you checked for  hsers at the library?  Even ask the children's librarian, if it's an approachable person.

I hope you find someone!  You have us...but I know, virtual is different.


Sue
Homeschooling mom to DD15 & DS11

CL of Homeschooling, Signature Showcase, Ectopic Loss, and Fertility Charting

Avatar for vegiemama
Community Leader
Registered: 01-06-2000

Oh, so glad to hear you located a potential new friend!  I hope things work out...if not to be besties, at least to have someone to do a hs activity with once in a while!


Sue
Homeschooling mom to DD15 & DS11

CL of Homeschooling, Signature Showcase, Ectopic Loss, and Fertility Charting

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004

I just came across your post and wanted to say that is exactly how I felt when my oldest started school 16 years ago. I hated the idea of her going to school. I missed her so much. She went to Pre-K and half a year of Kindergarten before I pulled her out. Later we tried private school for a couple of years. It was better than public school, but I still missed my kids so much. For the past 10 years we have homeschooled and I love it. I love being with the kids everyday, waking up with them climbing in my bed for morning suggles. My youngest is also 4. I can't imagine her being gone all day! I'm not sure what you decided to do but I wanted to give you some resources if you did decide to keep her home. Starfall.com is great, it teaches the alphabet. My little girl loves it. Another great program is Time4learning. My 4 year old is doing the Pre-k level and she really loves it. Starfall is free but Time4learning is $20.00 a month.

God Bless,

Betty

http://theroyalway2.blogspot.com/