what made you decide to home or cyberschool?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
what made you decide to home or cyberschool?
17
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 7:08pm

If it's personal, I understand...I'm just curious.  I am encountering some issues at my dd's high school right now that have me considering...mainly drug use by other kids in the open.  This is really upsetting my child.    My husband keeps saying that pulling her out of school will not teach her how to deal with life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 8:21pm

I have to be honest with you.  I was not open to homeschooling for a long time.  My main arguement was that homeschooled kids are naive and cannot do well in the real world.  All that changed for us when we moved to our current neighborhood.  The neighborhood is a good mix of private school families, public school families, and homeschool families.  All parents are actively involved with education either through parent council, president of PTA, or by homeschooling.  It has been very interesting to watch the interactions, personalities, and behavior choices of the kids over the years.

All that being said, the kids who are in school systems and "socialized" have the poorest behavior choices.  They tend to be the ones trying to fit in and trying to exclude others if given the chance.  They do not listen.  They are the ones you have to be careful around when driving down the road because they will run out in front of you, etc.  They are also the ones with the lowest self esteem.  And they are the ones who are ugly if they are winning or losing at a game (LOTS of smack talk).

The homeschooled kids (again, several families), the kids are amazingly confident.  I asked how that happened.  The response was that they have time to pursue their interests, so they know what they think is important actually is to the family.  Parents are around all the time to provide character role models AND to quickly address behavior before it becomes a problem.  The homeschooled kids are independent learners and know which style of learning works best for them.  They follow the rules and I have NEVER seen smack talk or gloating from any of them.  They had the time to volunteer in community efforts and are really well connected.  Their socialization experiences have been positive, so their esteem is solid.  When you have a confident child, the peer pressure just doesn't work.  It's amazing to actually see.  Since the homeschool kids are more independent, they also tend to be more responsible.  They are encouraging to younger kids instead of picking on them. 

For a long time, I thought private schools would provide a better environment than public schools.  Not true.  At least not for us.  I have found in our private school, they want families that drop off their kid and the checkbook and walk away.  The older kids have the same behavior issues as you find in public schools.  The difference is they also tend to be a bit more entitled and believe the rules do not apply to them.

All this being said, I was stubborn in my belief the private school would be the best of both worlds.  In our case, we have a very intelligent child with some developmental issues.  The school has been great at meeting his needs in his weakest areas.  They have done nothing to help his strengths blossom.  So he is either really challenged or really bored at school.  The kids this year (because we are young) are also pretty supportive, but the meanness is beginning.  Rumor has it next year is really bad.  This year we do a hybrid.  DS goes to school with social goals I set up for him.  At home, we homeschool.  I leverage his homework assignments to meet his intelligence needs.  For example, he has to read 15 mins everyday.  We are currently reading about the Constitution, government, and the impacts of the election.

Next year, we will only homeschool.  We don't want to live in the rat race.  I don't want DS's 'social' experiences to be so negative he doesn't like who he is.  I don't want DS to learn everything else is more important than him.  I've discovered DS learns so much more by exploring his interests than he does reading a text or doing worksheets.  I've seen the 'enrichment' programs at the school and it is just busy work - not more challenging work.  Our area has a strong homeschool community with over 50 families in our age group that meet at parks weekly, go on field trips monthly, do co-ops, etc.  I want that connectivity of a family unit as he continues to grow.  If he wants to spend a month playing on an Excel spreadsheet to learn how formulas work, what division is, etc.  I want him to have that option.

I struggle with the 'how to deal with life' issue too.  From what I've seen, there are times decisions you make put you in situations of these 'life' issues.  If you are comfortable with yourself, know the difference between right and wrong, and are comfortable making your own decisions, will you place yourself in those situations to begin with?  We talk about these types of situations to DS.  In some cases, we do practice drills so he knows what to do.  Homeschool is not just about teaching academics if you do it right. You are also teaching life skills and values.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 8:36am
Unfortunately, homeschooling is not very big here. IMy child is also an only (and kind of a homebody), so that worries me a bit as well. I just can't agree with telling my child "Just turn the other way and keep to yourself" when she sees theses things. I know it's everywhere, but I don't think at this age she shuld HAVE to be in sitations like that.
Avatar for vegiemama
Community Leader
Registered: 01-06-2000
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 9:41am

My decision came a long time ago...when i was a teenager myself.  I was hsed grades 9-12, and I realized somewhere along the way that I was receiving (or giving myself) a high quality education.  When I got a good grade, it was from my hard work...not because the teacher told me what page of what chapter to study because that would be on the test, not because the test directly mirrored the teacher's lecture note, and not because of a group project where I didn't have to do all of the work.  Plus, I was able to customize my friendships to be people that I actually liked.  (They happened to be college kids with similar interests).  

I would tell your husband that in real life, if someone at her job were using drugs, he would be terminated.  Or she could choose to find another job in a less toxic environment.  What happens at school doesn't prepare kids for real life.  It prepares kids to be bullies and clique-ish snobs, etc.  I absolutely wouldn't tolerate open drug use at school, and I wouldn't hesitate to remove my child from that environment.  (That's one of my police officer hubby's reasons for supporting hsing, in fact...keeping his kids safer from that kind of stuff.)


Sue
Homeschooling mom to DD15 & DS11

CL of Homeschooling, Signature Showcase, Ectopic Loss, and Fertility Charting

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 10:18am

We have always chosen the educational method that fit our child and our family at any given year.  So there have been years where they were in public school, private school (that was a disaster), public Montesorri, independent study,  independent home school, home school through a charter school (more than one charter school), etc.  We've pretty much done them all.  Our family motto is that while education matters, school not so much.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 9:25am
My dd is truly just such a good, sensitive, caring, kind kid. It makes her uncomfortable when the kids get off the bus and start smoking, so seeing this RIGHT next to her has her VERY upset. My gut instinct twas telling me all summer to cyberschool her, but she is quite a homebody to begin with, and I really don't want her to have NO social life. She does get together with frineds occasionally, but is just as content, if not sometimes more, to sit home with hubby and I. Now that she's told me some of the stuff the kids have been doing for the past 2 years, I understand why she'd rather stay home, and I'm glad! Next year, she will be going to a new Magnet school the district is opening, but in order to go there, she has to physically attend certain classes at the regular hs this year. I'm so torn as to what to do!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 8:40pm
I was certified as a public school teacher. I did not think my kids would be homeschooled, but now I wouldn't do it any other way. We started 2nd grade. My daughter was advanced and the 1st grade teacher kept saying "don't expect this every year." After hearing that a few times, I looked into homeschooling. We started with K12, which worked pretty well. Now as she nears high school (she is 7th grade) I would rather keep her home. I don't think she would get in with a bad crowd, but I would rather have her learning to her interests as I know that results in better learning. Why be limited to Spanish or French, when what she really wants to learn is Japanese? As her interests are in that area, it does make sense to me that she may want to get a job where she needs that language. I also like that I can suggest learning that is different from what the "norm" is. Food pyramid thinks that we should have lots of servings of grain. Latest science research is saying that maybe that is a big part of the obesity issue. She and I can explore that without having a person say "Well, this is what will be on the test - learn it!" We can explore what historical figures actually said...rather than reading what some one else thinks they said. I also have two younger kids with learning issues. Right now, they don't compare themselves to other kids. When they take classes, they are usually multi-age and multilevel. By the time they are adults, they will be on par, but they don't need to make comparisons right now. As for your husband....if your daughter had a friend who was doing drugs, would he want her to hang out with that friend? Or maybe find a new group of friends? Your daughter sounds like a great kid...help her stay that way. If she wants to do the cyber school and the classes will count toward the other school, why not let her try? It is one year. Check the library to see if they have any book clubs. Tell her that she can do the cyber school but also has to volunteer someplace (to get experience and get out of the house.) Enroll her in a dance class or some non-competitive sports. Have her take a life guarding class if she can swim well and see if she can get a job at the local Y or gym. Check out homeschooling groups in your area. There may be official and unofficial groups doing stuff all around that she could be involved with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Thu, 10-25-2012 - 10:33am

If she wants to do the cyber school and the classes will count toward the other school, why not let her try?[/quote]   Unfortunately, it would not count towards the other school.  She HAS to physically attend the classes at the regular high school to remain in the program.  That's what makes this tough.  Most of this activity is taking place on the bus, so for now, I'm picking her up every day that her friend is not on the bus with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Thu, 10-25-2012 - 10:35am

If she wants to do the cyber school and the classes will count toward the other school, why not let her try?[/quote]   Unfortunately, it would not count towards the other school.  She HAS to physically attend the classes at the regular high school to remain in the program.  That's what makes this tough.  Most of this activity is taking place on the bus, so for now, I'm picking her up every day that her friend is not on the bus with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Fri, 10-26-2012 - 8:25am

"If she wants to do the cyber school and the classes will count toward the other school, why not let her try?"

   Unfortunately, it would not count towards the other school.  She HAS to physically attend the classes at the regular high school to remain in the program.  That's what makes this tough.  Most of this activity is taking place on the bus, so for now, I'm picking her up every day that her friend is not on the bus with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2011
Fri, 10-26-2012 - 7:07pm

I totally agree...education matters, school not so much. Public school was working against us for my child to get an education, so we did what we had to do. We went to homeschooling for her. This was 4th grade years after bickering with educators about what we needed and expected of them. The blame games, and social crap...done badly by teachers, plus bully issues...that had my kid unable to learn in that environment. We went to the superintendent..we did the right things...no body cared! So law suit ( did I want to invest negative energy there...No) or homeschool.... I was not taking another chance in any other district, to be similar....I was not making my kid change that much for others bad behavior and choices!

 So we went with home school, the best choice at the time for us. Very little support....even with dh at first. But I did it and I know it has made a HUGE differnece in her life. It will NEVER be my regret. So we homeschooled the other siblings as well, until the ditrict made changes,  I choose to forgive and try again with them, a bit better now. Not near the quality of home ed. but not causing pain and suffering!  I had time with my children as a huge added bonus for stupid peoples bad choices. I love to make negatives into positives! Give me more Math so easy to solve!

H...

Do it yor way. Give education and family time to your child, without regrets! Exercise your rights to homeschool if it is your choice, for any reason or amount of time, needed for your amazing miracle of children!

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