Relationships, ugh, part deux

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Registered: 12-03-1999
Relationships, ugh, part deux
Sun, 07-22-2012 - 3:40pm

On Friday, older dd's bf of 2.5 years decided that he wasn't ready for the responsibility of a live-in SO.  He said he regretted the responsibility of owning a home, and having pets.  He'd said for some time he didn't think he wanted children, that he couldn't handle the responsibilities of a family.  Dd was coming to terms with that, but now he said he saw how she was with her niece, and decided she wouldn't be happy without children of her own.  So he told her he "Vant's to be alone".

She is a sobbing mess, thought everything was fine, and was just blindsided.  I'd noticed the closer dd got to finding a job which would allow her to live with him full time, the crabbier he became, but she thought it was just a phase.  Dh thinks she will snap out of it quickly, but since this is the first time she was the "dumpee" and not the "dumper", I think it will take longer to recover.  Her sis and all of her gf's are gathering 'round, and Dh says the estrogen overload may cause him to flee!!  I know she will be fine eventually, but my heart breaks for her.

Then today, he called and said he would bring her things to her apt, but not if she was going to cry when she saw him?!? She told him--TOO BAD, that's all I've been doing all weekend.  So she said bring them over to her sister's place, because she was afraid DH would say something to him if he brought them here.  He says he's thinking about getting therapy because he has all these feelings of being "trapped" in his current life, and if he feels better they may be able to work it out.  She told him she wasn't going to put her life on hold waiting for him. (Yah!  Suzie, I told her your story from 50+).  

I do think she is serious, because she is applying to a couple jobs with CPS that she'd ignored before, in her quest to leave the city.  One sounds like a good fit--it's Dept Head at an all-arts magnet school.  They want someone with admin experience, and at least 7 years teaching.  The job has been open for some time, so they haven't found the right person, and one of her friends just got a job there as a music/band teacher.  He said the school has only been open for 3 years, is clean & modern, and the kids are thriving.  The job would not only be Admin, but would be program development, grant writing, and community involvement as well, all of which she's done.  She is trying not to get her hopes up.  I am also, because I think this would be the perfect antidote--it would occupy a LOT of her time!    

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Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 10:06am

I'm sorry to hear about the breakup! How is she doing now that a few days have passed? Any news on the job front?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-1999
Fri, 07-27-2012 - 2:13am
It is SO hard to see our kids hurt! I'm sorry she's going through this, but as you and I both know, better now than being sucked into a marriage that never was a right fit. Your dds are both strong capable women and she will get through this - hopefully with a new job that feeds her ego and provides some real professional satisfaction.

                        Calmama54, from the beautiful

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Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 9:05am
So sorry I didn't see this until now sabr. I hope your daughter is doing better now. It sounds as though the ex has some commitment issues. Hopefully she funds her dream job soon. .