Adrift at Sea
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|Fri, 08-24-2012 - 5:05pm|
I left my eldest at college two days ago. Her sister (two years younger) and I have been kicking around the quiet house, trying not to look at the empty bedroom or imagine big sister singing in the shower. We have both cried off and on. I can think of nothing else but how is she doing? Will she want to come back? What if things are never the same (and some part of me says they won't ever be)?
She's a plane flight away or a seven hour drive away. It feels like an ocean but I know it's not. And I know life would be hell without my youngest but I want to resist the urge to lean on her or make her feel she must stay close to home. And I am happy for the wonderful opportunity my older dd has been given. She's worked very, very hard for everything.
My dh has thrown himself into work so he's gone pretty much all the time. Just me and my youngest fending for ourselves. If it were not for my younger dd, I'd be doing the same: flinging myself into work. but, I can't leave my younger dd with all this pain and all these memories.
There have been some bright spots for us: school shopping together, watching TV, playing with the cat, the recent surprising news of her great test scores, and planning for the new school year. Younger dd and her sister were very close, we all were because my dh is gone so much. I know I should be grateful but I miss all the fun the three of us used to have!
I have no other family in the area--parents are gone, two siblings are dead. The kids and dh are it. I am blessed to have dear friends but I don't want to call and whine and I don't want to leave my youngest to go off with my gfs. So, here I am whining to complete strangers. Does this get better??? Please tell me something positive!