Any Roommate From Hell Stories?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Any Roommate From Hell Stories?
10
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 9:22pm

My poor DD is sure experiencing a lot this freshman year.  I sure hope it makes her stronger, and not discouraged, sad and introverted.  She got a new roommate sometime in November (DD's old roommate got a single room she had originally requested).  First introduction she has is new roommate coming into room at 8am and asking "did the police stop by here?"  Say what!!??  Later the police did leave a business card in door.  Turns out boyfriend (not a student and about 5 years older) was a daily/nightly visitor to old dorm room and would beat her.  He got banned from campus.  Her old roommate moved her bed out of the room and when DD was helping new roommate move in, she noticed that none of new roommate's old suitemates spoke to her.  Anyway, bf is openly cheating, she makes regular 3am shouting, crying  phone calls to him wanting to visit him.  She woke DD up at 7am one Sunday morning, chopping up meat for crockpot beef stew.   Has cooked fish in the room, but refuses to go downstairs to the full kitchen to cook stinky stuff.  Went fishing and left them raw and loosely unwrapped in her fridge.  She has two refrigerators, (DD has small one) two bicycles, (she's storing some of bf's stuff, had a 42" flat screen tv--it's gone now, a big rattan, papasan chair. She has enough stuff in a dorm room to furnish a studio apartment and some of it encroachs onto DD's side.  Constantly adjusts the thermostat.  She got rid of the 10 gallon aquarium that stank and which the fish constantly splashed water out of the tank onto DD's stuff. Major road rage, shouting matches with her mom.  Says something, then contradicts it.  Major trust issues.  Road rage and anger issues.    We put in a pole shower caddy with 4 shelves.  Roommate uses 2 shelves with DD's OK, and has her own small caddy,  then complained about all of DD's stuff in bathroom.  Hair on floor isues--both of them.  Loosely wrapped sanitary products in bathroom garbage. Roommate smells.  Says DD's desk is cluttered.  Yes it is; they both have that problem with the whole room from what I saw this past weekend.  Did I mention that DD's room is roommate's third one this year?  They have a written agreement, but roommate disregards it.  Some of this stuff DD tells me, I've seen, the rest is just what she's told me.  And it's her perspective. I'm sure roommate has her own take on DD's behavior. 

I guess it all came to a head yesterday.  Roommate was feeling mothered and controlled by DD.  They exchanged a series of text messages.  DD wanted to talk in person but roommate wouldn't.   I told DD a few things that might help her.  Especially to spend less time in the room.   Well today when roommate came in room, DD said hi, but roommate wouldn't speak to her.  DD doesn't want to move and says roommate needs to move.  I don't know how far she's willing to push the moving issue.  There are 3 months of school left.  I believe she can handle it and do whatever needs to be done.

I guess just as DD vented to me yesterday, I'm venting here LOL!

Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Wed, 02-06-2013 - 1:22pm

Wow!! I feel SO bad for you DD!! I was glad to read the update and see that she is going to pursue getting either the roomate or herself a new room.

I was lucky in that I was able to room with a friend from high school so I never had to be paired with a stranger. But DH wasn't so lucky. His first roommate needed to listen to death metal at a very high volume in order to sleep.Surprised  Yeah- he requested a roommate change very quickly, LOL!

Lisa 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-1999
Tue, 02-05-2013 - 9:50am

Gamegaga, forget about our stories for a minute.  This is serious.  Your dd has every right to ask that this girl be moved from her room and I bet the residential advisors are expecting it.  This girl has already been through 2 rooms?  I got as far as the abusive, older boyfriend and gasped.  Has he showed up at the room since he was banned from the college?  If so, that's reason enough to kick her out of the room. Leaving the door unlocked while your dd is sleeping is also serious, especially if she did it after being told not to do so.  It's only 3 months but it's a critical 3 months, with finals and papers that demand hours of intense work and irregular hours.  If this girl is as disrespectful as she sounds, she could inadvertantly destroy a laptop holding final papers or notes.

Does your dd drive with this girl?  How does she know about road rage?  The stinky stuff is annoying but not grounds for asking someone to move out. I wouldn't even bring that up.   It sounds gross though.

My dd had a roommate for part of one semester who was very dirty and didn't do her share in cleaning the suite.  She worked all night long, sometimes in the room, sometimes in the library, but always came into the room at about 5 am and turned on lights and acted as if it were midday.  She then slept most of the day so that dd had to creep around when she wanted to get ready for class or work and couldn't spend time in the room.  The other girls in the suite were the ones most upset by the girl's hygiene and failure to keep the kitchen and bathroom clean.  The girl would come to dd to vent about them and ask for her help.  It was very difficult.  Eventually the girl asked to leave the suite and move to a traditional single.   Otherwise, both my girls have been very lucky and have had great roommates.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Tue, 02-05-2013 - 8:20am
Superhero costume, LOL! He really did turn out to be a hero for your son when he was sick. I'm hoping that DD can learn a lesson or two from this, too. One, is to reflect and own up to her contributions to the situation. Two, is tolerance--up to a point. Everything is not a house on fire situation. Three, learn about and seek out campus resources for handling any and everything that she may need.
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 9:04pm

Dd was blessed with great room mates. She is in a triple and they get along. Dd is hummed as they are both rushing. Dd decided not to so they may not be together next year.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 3:22pm

Theresa, she is in a regular dorm room.  the dorm has a full kitchen if the kids want to cook something more involved.

Did I mention she also shaves her calluses and leaves the junk on the floor?

Also,  DD told me this morning, that since their discussion, roommate has stopped locking the door when she leaves the room when DD is asleep.  This is on the list of no-no's from the RA.   Because of this, I believe DD will push forward with getting one of them out of the room. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 3:22pm

Theresa, she is in a regular dorm room.  the dorm has a full kitchen if the kids want to cook something more involved.

Did I mention she also shaves her calluses and leaves the junk on the floor?

Also,  DD told me this morning, that since their discussion, roommate has stopped locking the door when she leaves the room when DD is asleep.  This is on the list of no-no's from the RA.   Because of this, I believe DD will push forward with getting one of them out of the room. 

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 11:32am

My ds thought he had the roommate from hell, but compared to your dd's roommate his was great!

Ds' roommate was more "different" than "bad". Like he ran around the dorm dressed up in a superhero costume. Went to sleep early (but also slept late) whereas ds is a night owl, so ds had to go to the study lounge. Put up some kind of sheet arrangment on his side of the room, for privacy I guess, but when ds' friends came over they all thought it was weird--and I guess said so out loud. Pretty soon the roommates weren't even speaking to each other. I got a lot of venting phone calls from ds about living with this guy but whenever I suggested talking to the RA, he wouldn't do it. And he didn't want to change rooms because he said that he could get somebody worse. Near the end of the the spring term ds got very sick for about 10 days and "terrible roommate" was the one who asked ds if he could bring him anything whereas most of the other friends weren't to be seen...it was an eye-opener for ds (on many levels). The next year I heard from ds that they were back on good terms, they didn't hang out but when they ran into each other they chatted.

With any luck your dd's roommate will continue to give her the cold treatment, uncomfortable but probably better than getting ranted at. Would your dd be willing to ask the RA or Resident Life people for advice or help, if not intervention? They are probably aware of roommates "eccentricities". Maybe the best thing is to just let your dd vent to you and hope she can weather it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2012
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 10:35am

I'm sorry your dd is having a hard time with roommates. 

I really don't know about dd and her roommate.  I guess they get along.  I think they're only in the room at the same time when they're alseep.  When she was in the room with dd when I picked her up at Christmas, they didn't even say "have a good holiday" to each other.  Whatever.  They couldn't be more different.  Dd is a music major.  Her roommate is into sports.  Why on earth the "powers that be" in housing thought that would be a wonderful idea is beyond me.   I don't get any kind of phone calls about the situation, so I'm assuming dd "deals with it". 

I'm not sure what she's doing for next year.  Her grades were very good, and she's already ranked as a sophomore, so she'll have a good pick of where she wants to live.  She said something about some friends saying she could go to their place.  It's kind of like a townhouse (on campus housing though- only Seniors can live off-campus)

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 8:08pm

Ummmm... any I might have had PALE in comparison!  Oh my.... I don't even know what to say because the roommate sounds unreal!  What is the room setup like (I wasn't sure since you mentioned downstairs and full kitchen... is it 2-bed rooms around a common living/kitchen area?)?  Can your dd spend more time in the common areas? When is spring break, lol!?!?  How far away for a long weekend??  I totally understand why she doesn't want to move, and yet it sounds really tough to stay! :(  What are her plans for next year? We had one semi-bad experience and that convinced us to pay for older dd to have a single. It ended up being a single bedroom with shared living/kitchen, which was nice - some company, but always a place to escape.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Sat, 02-02-2013 - 9:30am

Not quite to that extreme.  DS's freshman dorm roommate was on the baseball team, which means up at the crack of dawn and to bed by 8, needing it quiet in there after that. DS is a night owl.  And this guy chewed tobacco and had a glass jar of spit that he kept in the room, and apparently 'smelled' (physically).  He always wanted to spar with ds, which horrified him - just his way to use up energy I guess.  He constantly wanted to have a girl spend the night but never got 'lucky' but ds heard about it all the time. He never went to class; got some kind of dispensation being on the school baseball team ('business major'). Enjoyed drugs of many kinds and loved boasting about escapades with them.  Just awkward more than anything.

Sue