Bringing Home Boyfriends/Girlfriends

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Bringing Home Boyfriends/Girlfriends
10
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 10:02am

Anybody have any experience with their kids bringing home bfs or gfs for overnight visits?  It hasn't happened yet, but I can feel it coming soon.  He's been here before for a couple of hours, and I've spent time with him a few times on my visits to her campus town.  I like him.  He and DH seem to get along too.  DH hasn't sai anything negative about him, so that's a plus, LOL!  Just looking for your random thoughts and advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Thu, 05-30-2013 - 5:46pm

Thanks ladies.  I know which camp DH and I fall in.  That's the separate rooms camp.  Hopefully I won't be finding out too soon.  But it never hurts to have a gameplan before the game, LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2001
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 8:25am

I remember it both ways, being the college student bringing my bf home to visit and being the parent of a college student bringing her bf home to visit.  LOL!

When I was a college student, no way were bf & I allowed to share the same bed. Not gonna happen.  Not allowed.  BF got the living room couch.  No sneaking around, either, my dad was an early riser & would kick some butt if he found out.  In the big scheme of things, I ended up pregnant, marrying bf & we've been together 23 years. Just because we couldn't sleep together at home doesn't mean we weren't sleeping together like little bunnies up at school...  Even after announcing pregnancy, we weren't allowed to sleep together at my parents house, and I don't think we ever did until after we were married, even though we lived together for 3 years. "You guys want to play house, I suggest you go get your own."

DD is 21 years old & has brought her bf over.  Different situation in that we live a mere 30 min away from the university she attends.  They just drive back to school - no sleeping over really occurs at our house.  No wait.  It happened once.  When DD moved to her apartment, a niece came to live with us - so there went our "spare" bedroom.  DD & BF ended up sleeping on living room couch & lazy-boy chair, respectively. After that uncomfortable night & waking up to a loud 10 year old sister & equally loud 17 year old niece/cousin - the 30 minute drive back to school seemed the better option!

17 yo niece graduated, started community college, and found a 23 year old boyfriend a week before her 18th bday & was immediately "in love."  After a couple weeks of dating, it was to the point where she was coming home 2-3 days a week, mainly to do her laundry & get more clothes.  Yes, weeks. The bf's roommate started getting annoyed that he now had a 3rd roommate who was not paying any rent.  After a big argument, niece calls to see if she & BF can come spend the night there.  "Sure!  BF can stay on the futon in the basement."  Niece's stupid dad, a frequent couch-surfer at our house, also showed up.  [Niece is a drama queen, whenever she's upset she calls Daddy & he comes running to "fix" things.]  He lets her and her BF sleep wherever they want. DH & I have a nice chat with all of them.  "You all want to play house, I suggest you go get your own."   Yes, I've turned into my parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Fri, 05-24-2013 - 9:57am
I'm a conservative person. Heck, I dated DH for 6 years and my Dad would never let him sleep in the house when he visited over the summer...ever...until we were married. He would pay a hotel room for him. For some reason, it was OK for me to stay at his parent's home. Whatever. I would let the GF/BF stay over in the guest room. Period. Knowing full well that they are probably sneaking during the night, but as long as it was kept secret from me and they were back in the respective rooms before "I knew" then I'm ok. They're doing it at school anyway. This is only for "college age" and up. We are having another situation similar this summer. We have a small lake cottage. DS, 16 wants to bring his girlfriend some weekend. I've been reluctant, but DH thinks I'm being too strict. I would be VERY strict if I ok this...plus her parents may say "no way", which I would totally understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 2:44pm

When the boys were younger/college age if they had gf's here overnight they had to sleep in separate rooms. Heck - we didn't even let Justin and Danielle share a room here until they got married even though they were living together and she was pregnant (he was only 19). Now that they are older I've either mellowed or just given up. When Jason was engaged we did let his fiance stay in his room when they stayed here (he was 24 or so). It's currently not an issue as Justin lives at home and Jason is no longer engaged. I'm not sure I'd be thrilled about either of them bringing home a different girl every weekend or anything.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 1:41pm
Creature, is this blog on ivillage? Do you have a link or something? I can't find anything on this site! Almost impossible to search for anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 12:05pm
Yep, the situation has arisen. We have no guest room. D is 20. Bf stays in d's room. Read some great advise on this on a blog for Middle-aged and older adults. When your adult child is bringing home someone to whom he or she is not married, ask said child what sleeping arrangements he or she would prefer. Simple.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 4:51pm
Just to be clear, I told our sons beforehand not to have pre-marriage sex in our house, but I don't think they would feel comfortable doing it anyhow. DS30 and his gf sleep in the same bed when they stay with us. DS23 and his gf sleep in separate rooms. They make the choice, not we parents.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 1:43pm

LOL!  If this ever happens, I'm pretty sure they won't be sharing her room here, even though I know they're sexing it up like rabbits at school.  DH and I, especially DH, ain't at that point yet. BF is a commuter and lives with parents, so I advised DD not to have sex in his house.  Major loss of cool points with his family.  She said she knew that she would 'never' do that.  I wonder if the same applies to her own house?

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 11:46am

Not sure if what we did 'counts' - ds went to a local U for his first 2 years, staying on campus. His gf was not from here so they basically took turns at each other's places on campus.  She did come over the summer for a couple of days and we had her on the pullout couch in the den while ds was in his room.  We had her for a couple of nights on vacation in Michigan the last two Augusts; the first one (they were 19) she slept on the pullout couch there, and last summer (20)we said go ahead, just sleep (just!) in his room.  They've now broken up and the current gf is local, older and has her own apt, and ds has the condo we got, so we never get ds much less have to worry about his gf.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 10:18am

DD did bring her BF home for an overnight when she was a senior in high school.  I have to admit it was awkward.  I knew they were having sex anyway so it wasn't that and considering we have a house where the walls are really thin & you can hear everything, she had said they wouldn't be having sex in the house.  I know I was thinking about setting a bad example for younger DS who was then about 15 but there also wasn't another good solution for him sleeping elsewhere--I wouldn't put him in son's room (no room there) so the alternative would be having this over 6 ft. guy trying to sleep on the living room sofa which would basically give him no privacy anyway so I just kind of reluctantly went along with it cause I couldn't think of a better solution.  Plus he was a long term BF not some guy she just started dating.