calling the shots without first having a discussion...venting here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
calling the shots without first having a discussion...venting here...
17
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 9:39pm

what tales can you tell me about your college aged kids suddenly up and deciding to do something that they know might be met with some resistance from their parents, so instead of having that conversation and hearing out their parents feelings and whatnot, they just up and decide to do it anyway and suffer the consequences later.

My son has taken to doing this from time to time this summer and I'm really at my wits end. I finally had to turn him away recently.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Is the calgon working?
Did your other children ever try to do the same? Did he have a wanderlust when he was little?
My oldest always loved to do spontaneous adventures. One even took him out of the country. Does your boy have a passport?
When does he go back to school? Was he meeting school buddies?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Aww fullmom I have one just like that. Even at 21 Justin still does incredibly stupid things and doesn't seem to have a clue about delaying gratification if things are pricey. And he lies so very easily... No real advice for you but I know how you feel.

Pam
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
At times, I have one too. Had totell him if he did what he wanted, don't come back, and by the way, you can only take what's yours with you...and although you are the only driver of that car, you didn't pay for it or the insurance...buying the gas does not constitute owning the car...been a fun summer at times...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999

Wow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I don't really have one like this but I'd say that if the latest problem is that he spent his money on something that he didn't need and he'll have less money for school spending as a result, that's his problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

okay lovely mother friends of mine on ivillage, here's how it all played out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006

Glad it turned out okay but, liike you, I would have been in knots over it. And I surely would have talked him out of going on that adventure, had I known of it in advance. Would have had to check out that adventure operation, even if it is run by a seemingly trustworthy Harvard grad student.

Our older DS28 has always had an overabundance of self-confidence, and I worried very little about him during his HS and college years.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Wow I am really not looking forward to college breaks after reading your post. My son started "testing his wings" for the first time this summer and I can only imagine that it will get worse. Luckily my son does not have his own car so that severely limits his mobility. Of course it also increases the probability that he will be in someone else's car which is a scary proposition at times. There really is no way to avoid the parental horror called young adulthood. Please let me know how the Calgon works.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009

You know, it doesn't have to be a "parental horror".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
You misunderstood my post and that was really my fault. I agree with everything you wrote and am very happy that he is growing up and doing hisown thing. But the truth is that even if he did everything I wanted him to do (which he certainly will not) I would still worry. Bad things even happen to people that are doing absolutely the right thing. Maybe it is because the history of my extended family includes an horrific car accident that took the lives of 3 members of my family who were on their way to my brother's Bar mitzvah, but I tend to be a worrier. Or maybe I am just a worrier, but I get nervous. I know I have to let go and I think sending my son 2000 miles away for college is a sign that I am doing okay in that department. Still I am never going to stop worrying. That is just partmof my personality.

Robin

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