Courtesy Rules?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Courtesy Rules?
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 6:46am

What types of courtesy rules do you have in place for when your college students return home for breaks?

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 7:57am

Really not that much different than the summer after graduating/right before college; ds18 is taking a cc class this summer at night and working Fri-Sun (two nights til 1am) so if he's going out after that, he lets us know. And he's quiet when he gets in as we get up at 5:30 M-F for work (he's come in as late as 2am but is quiet about it). We've asked him to help out with laundry and chores and such - but again nothing he didn't do last summer.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 11:04am

Well, my college students have always gone to the community college and lived with us while doing so, but the rules after they turned 18 and graduated from high school were:

-clean up after yourself

-help out with keeping the common areas of the house clean

-no curfew but be quiet when you come home so as not to disturb the sleep of those who have to get up in the morning

-if you choose not to come home, send me a text message to say so, so that I don't wake up in the morning and have visions of you in the ditch or in jail when your car isn't here.

My youngest son went to the military right after he got out of high school (as opposed to his brothers who were a little older when they enlisted) and when he came home on leave the rules were pretty much the same, except we didn't expect him to help out with chores around the house.

A lot of these rules were set out based on my own experience as an 18 y/o college student... I'd been taking care of myself and keeping my own hours when I was away, but when I went home on vacations my parents imposed the same 11 pm curfew that I'd had in high school, expected me to take care of my younger siblings (which I'd pretty much raised when I was in high school, the youngest was under a year old when I went away to college), and pretty much expected me to fall right back into the life that I'd had in high school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 2:31pm

I don't believe in curfews. My kids, when they were teens, never had curfews. We would discuss when they went out and come up with an appropriate time, given the event.

Now that that are adults (one is 20 and the other is 22), all that is required is to keep us informed. We treat them like the adults they are. If they go out, they tells us if they will be home for supper, what time to expect them home etc..

It works extremely well. We show them respect & courtesy and they return that respect and courtesy.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 3:35pm

What we told ds: No curfew but be quiet if you come in after we're asleep. Let me know if you won't be coming home so I don't worry about your safety. Let me know if you will or will not be home for dinner. Pick up after yourself in the common areas. I think we continued with designated dishwashing nights (like while he was growing up) because he would not voluntarily wash the dishes lol.

As in HS, he was responsible for doing his own laundry and we did not have rules about cleaning his bedroom. If it was a mess I just closed the door. No drugs or alcohol allowed in the house.

A lot of it was just common courtesy.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 4:26pm

I never could understand why house rules would need to be changed overnight for a kid returning from college-or anywhere else for that matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 12:11am

I understand not allowing kids to sleep til noon under most circumstances, but ours have always worked 2nd shift jobs (and for a time 3rd shift) while they were living here, and then not only were we ok with them sleeping until noon, but we made sure to keep the house quiet until 11 a.m. to accomodate their sleeping hours - just as they did for us.