Did I know everything at 20?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Did I know everything at 20?
9
Tue, 03-19-2013 - 9:27am

My daughter sure thinks she does.  2 of her friends are going to live in Ireland for a year, from Sept. 2013 to Sept. 2014.  At first DD's brilliant plan was to take a year off school and join them...um, bad plan for many reasons.  Thankfully she realized that, and now has decided to join them over Winter break for a little R&R. While I would be sad to not see her for Christmas, I would be ok.  Since they are going to be there until Sept. '14, I asked her if she had considered travelling when school gets out next May.  She would have more time to save money, and the weather would be better.  Sounds like a win win.  Oh, but she doesn't want to wait, thinks I am just trying to keep her here for the holidays, and thinks her plan is better than anythign I could suggest.  Love the girl, but sometimes that head strong way is hard to live with!

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Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 11:10am

Good for her!  She sounds like a hardworking young woman.

DS is a complete tightwad too.  He hates having possessions of any kind except books, but like me he gives away books as soon as he no longer is interested in them.  He does like to travel, and I think he is saving up his money for that.  Or because he fears not having a job in the future.  Or something.  I wish he didn't have such a fear of money, but at least that's better than wanting to spend money he doesn't have.

18yo DD has a more normal attitude toward money - always trying to find work so she has money to spend, but being very careful about what she spends it on. 

Both of them are much smarter about money than either DH or I were.  I was an awful spendthrift and DH never had it, so when he got it he spent whatever he got with no rhyme or reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 9:37am
This trip would be totally on her dime! She is very frugal with money and we pay for almost nothing for her. We are blessed that our kids have been able to receive almost all their college tuition free due to their Dad being a disabled Vet. She works as an RA and gets free housing, $900 a semester in dining dollars and a monthly stipend. She's had the same job in our home town since she was 16. They are great with college kids and let them work every break. She's on Spring break right now and has worked 4 8 hr days out of the 7 days she is home. She holds tightly to her money and tries not to ask us for anything! We do pay her small car payment and her cell phone bill and occasionally give her grocery money. I think being a tightwad might be the one thing that holds her back from going. She loves to travel, so that is competing with her love of seeing money in her bank account! She will be spending 6 weeks working at a camp in another state this summer, so maybe that will get a little of the travelling bug out of her system.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 6:57pm

(wow - must be different in your area; here kids are lucky to get 20 hrs/week in the summer at about $8-9/hour so ds is lucky to have enough for gas and fun money and works during the school year to maintain that)

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 12:51pm

Just my opinion, but if I hold the purse strings, I get to say what the money gets used for.

I told my kids that when they go to college, I will pay for tuition, room & board, books, travel to & from home, and their cell phones.  If they want to vacation with us during the summer, I'll pay for that too.  That's a LOT!  Therefore they are responsible for their clothes, gifts, and non-family fun & trips.  I will NOT pay for spring break or any summer trips.  They need to use their summers to earn money for the rest of the year.

20yo DS is going on a summer trip that I'm paying for:  an 8-credit, 5-week Harvard summer program to South America.  It's an educational opportunity that will probably greatly improve his chances at getting into the grad school program of his choice, and the 8 credits toward his major are important.  I would not however pay for him to go to South America (or anywhere else) as a tourist without us.

My high school policy was similar:  we paid for one overseas school trip per kid.  18yo DD is paying for her own prom weekend.  Expectations for grad school are that we will *help* a bit, if we can, but grad school is your own commitment to an academic career, and you need to do what it takes to pay for it.

Incidentally, DS spent every day of his junior year spring break working.  He has 18 credits and a research job, so he spent about 12 hours a day working.  Your DD may find herself in the same position in two years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2012
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 9:53pm

Glad your dd decided not to spend the whole year overseas. 

Drives me nuts- both my college student AND my 16 year old seem to think they know everything. 

16 year old is going to drive me nuts.  With what she wants to do after high school.  Don't agree with her- but I have to bite my toungue.  Really not worth arguing about something that's not going to happen for another 2 years. 

And yeah- the college kid seems to know it all.  She wants to go overseas during Spring break in 2 years.  Never mind the fact that she sent off a whole "1" job application over spring break- and there is no guarantee she's going to get it.  "The Bank of Mom and Dad" may/may not be able to swing a trip in 2 years- esp when that's right when her sister is set to graduate high school.

Cheryl

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 11:43am

Well, the good thing is that at 20 they still need you for some things.  Like...money, LOL!  At least mine do.

20yo DS wants to drive across the country with a friend the summer after he graduates.  I'm all for road trips, but neither of them has a car or even a driver's license!  I figure, let it go. . . his friend graduates this year, and who knows what she's going to be doing in the summer of 2014.

I graduated college at 20 and instantly became crushingly aware of how much I *didn't* know.  The one thing I did know was that my BF was "the one" - and I *was* right about that.  We've been together for 30 years, and he's still the one. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 11:10am

Of course I knew everything!  That's why it took me a transfer of schools, 5 years for completion and a major that I discovered I didn't want in my final semester. 

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 03-19-2013 - 10:52pm

Um....my mom says I still don't listen to her, so I plead the 5 th.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 03-19-2013 - 2:05pm

Well, I'm glad your DD decided not to spend the whole year with her friends in Ireland. And I think I'd advise, as you did, that she wait until summer break when she can spend more time with them; the weather would be better then, too.

At 20?  How about 30?  They should at least know a lot more by 30, right?  Our DS29 just informed us that he's been accepted into a study abroad program for fall semester, in Barcelona.  His MBA tuition is outrageous enough without adding the cost of overseas adventures, but he's wanted this forever, so we don't want to crush his dreams now.  If he were focusing in an area other than marketing, I'd be more comfortable with it, but marketing jobs are tough enough to get as it is.  At least he did get an internship for summer at T.Rowe Price in Baltimore.  He's already traveled more than most his age, so I don't really see how this will help him get a better job, (esp. if he chooses to live in Spain which may end up like Cyprus) but at age 29 he doesn't want to hear our opinion.

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