DS is depressed and in denial.

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Registered: 02-12-1998
DS is depressed and in denial.
11
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 12:47pm

Many of you already know our story of angst with our DS, 19, freshman in school.  No motivation for school, acts like he's depressed but says he's not.  Always has lots of friends, although ones that I'm not crazy about.  Anyway, since he was 14 he changed.   He used to be loud, smiling, laughing, full of life.  But then in 8th grade things started to fall apart, and got worst thru high school.  Anyway, things are bad in college, he's on academic probation and i KNOW he wants to succeed..but he CAN'T.  I 100% think he is clinically depressed and has been for awhile.  He just is adamant he's not, so we kept hoping he'd mature, grow up and whatnot.  But things are worse.  I know he's skipping classes.  He's home right now on spring break and is in bed until noon, then says he's tired at 4.  He has gained 30 lbs in 1 year (stress eating I think), he got caught shoplifting last fall in a major department store, he's unmotivated, he never smiles, he's withdrawn from his immediate family, I'm sure he's filled with guilt.  when you look google teen depression he's the shining example.  so, after 5 years of being wishy washy, walk on eggs around him I finally brought the subject up kindly, but loud and clear yesterday.  He was irritable, wouldn't engage in conversation (he's not a talker anyway, but part of it was defiance).

Really, if he could have shot daggers at me he would have.  After the discussion he went to his room and I woke him up after 2 hours.  His father had a discussion with him last night and he was more respectful (of course, don't we Moms get the crappy attitude?)  He denies there is anything wrong, acts like he's being punished, doesn't offer up much in discussion.  We told him when he comes home for the summer, (whether he's excused from uni or not), we would like him to go to therapy and even perhaps med, but first see what's wrong.  You could tell he would, but that he was being forced. 

Anyway, I'm going to find a doc and go visit him myself first.  We really don't know what else to do.  The Vyvanse he is on for ADHD (which he's not inattentive) really isn't working.  It is a stimulant, so it does "wake" him up whenever he takes it, but it isn't doing much else.  We are at our wits end.  He has such a blah, sluggish personality.  It's like he hates being around us, avoids us at all costs.  He really don't like being around someone like him, either, if truth be known.

anyway, I just needed to vent today.  Anybody else been in this situation?  Con

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 7:58pm

Sorry - I don't recall - did he choose this university? (my son did but then still did better switching to one that was a better fit)  Does he have a major that he feels passionate about? Is he taking anything of interest or just core classes? (I told ds to take a mix so he'd at least feel like he's taking some in his field even knowing it might take a few years to finish core - I knew he'd like it better that way)  Is the atmosphere of the school a good fit now that he's been there? Maybe he feels that if he chose it but it's not a good fit, that he'll just never succeed in college, vs. trying a better fit - ?  Does he have any good friends there or does he feel like he's alone? Does he fit in there? Has he talked to counselors at the U to see if he's in the right major? Just throwing some ideas out there.

Sue

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