That fine line

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
That fine line
7
Fri, 02-21-2014 - 11:22am

I think we all know this, but its interesting to see it in action, just like when they were at home, you could only "parent' them so much as they got older.  Jordyn texted yesterday, she missed a class for the first time, her alarm didn't go off and she slept right through latin class.  She hates missing class, but she was more upset that today is her mid-term and yesterday was her review.  I abstained from giving her the "if it was that important you would have set two alarms" text.  I let it be knowing she would be harder on herself for missing class, and honestly, its not a huge deal IMO. 

Anyways, I texted her later in the day, asked her how the rest of the day went.  Her response "good! I had one other class, had lunch, did homework and took a nap".  I told her she sounded tired, was everything okay.  She just said ya, she's been really exhausted this week, not in practices, but just sleepy in general.  Of course the normal mom questions started, how was her periods, has she been eating well enough, go outside and get some sun!!  Her responses, "i passed my hydration test last week!!  I live in Eugene, there is no sun.  I forget to take my vitamins except when I got to weights because the cup is on the counter next to the chocolate milk. and I'd have to ask the nutritionalist about iron and vitamin D, I don't know if they have it, and they might want to draw blood Frown"

I also mentioned a visit or two a week to the tanning salon may be in order and she said some of the other girls do it, but its stupidly expensive in her opinion.  I told her that it wasn't to get a tan, she's been in Texas the last 8 years, she's used to getting a good amount of sunlight, her body is probably adjusting to not getting much now and if it continues it is more a health issue than a vanity issue.  She was never good at taking vitamins at home, even with me hounding her about it all the time.  I'll leave it be for a week or two and ask about it again, but I know how it feels to be vitamin D deficient and anemic. it sucks, and trying to keep up with all she does... 

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Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to: arryl
Fri, 02-21-2014 - 1:25pm

I know you are concerned about your daughter, but encouraging her to use a tanning bed is NOT the way to make her healthier.  Study after study has shown that tanning beds hyper-expose the user to UVA, the mutagenic, cancer causing rays, and fewer UVB-the vitamin D producing rays.  And the amount of Vitamin D a person needs can WAY more easily --and safely--  be obtained by eating a healthy diet, drinking milk, and standing outdoors even in Eugene.  UVB penetrates clouds, it is just more diffuse, and absorption takes a little longer. 

Vitamin D is fat-soluble, so it stays in the body for a much longer time than a water-soluble vitamin, like C.  People can, and DO overdose on VitaminD supplements!   Diet or sun exposure do NOT cause toxicity, because your body regulates the amount of vitamin D produced by sun exposure, and even fortified foods don't contain excessive amounts of vitamin D.

The only time someone should take a Vitamin D supplement, is after a blood test has indicated a need for supplement, and an MD has determined the appropriate amount. 

 As for vitamin supplements in general, studies are now confirming that there is little to no benefit, unless a person is prescribed a specific vitamin, for a diagnosed deficiency or a condition like pregnancy.

Your daughter's tiredness is far more likely to be due to stress, overdoing, a bit of depression, or a mixture of all those things.  Unless it gets excessive, I suggest you let it lay.  She is far more likely to take ownership of what she needs to do, if she reaches conclusions on her own.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
In reply to: arryl
Fri, 02-21-2014 - 2:50pm

Before I became self-employed, my employees were all smart young adults fresh out of college.  I was always interested in seeing them navigate the work world for the first time as reasonably independent people.  It was a good education for me about what I had to look forward to when my kids went away to college.

I remember taking terrible care of myself all through college and being kind of proud of how well I survived, e.g. living on yogurt, bread and amphetimines one semester when I was trying really hard for a 4.0 (I missed by .17 and got down to 110 lbs), or (other semesters) drinking in the campus pub before going to class and still getting As.  Thankfully my kids are much smarter than I was and better attuned to their own bodies.  Even so they each have had to learn to take care of themselves physically and emotionally.  To me that's one of the great lessons they get from going away to college rather than staying home.

Luckily they're also smart enough to ask for advice.  Usually my advice is to tell them to dial back on their expectations and activities, and to help them simplify what they're trying to do.  I'm pretty sure I thought my parents' advice would have been useless, and it probably would have been along the lines of "You need to do better and try harder," so I probably was right.

As long as you're not helicoptering by monitoring, but just reminding them of their own habits or weaknesses that they need to watch out for, I think you're on the right side of the line.  21yo DS didn't really learn how to monitor his blood sugar and energy level until he worked on an archeological dig in South America, where the food and customs were different - i.e. he had to get completely out of his normal routines to become self-aware enough of his dietary needs.  Up til then half his problems could usually be explained by poor eating, and he needed to be reminded to eat half the time.  It wasn't helicoptering in those instances for me to remind him to eat protein or have a glass of orange juice, the way it would be with, say, my DD.

I agree with Sabr though that tanning beds are terrible, awful things and no substitute at all for sunlight.  If you are concerned, then she should go to a doctor who can do a full blood work-up and make healthy recommendations for her.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
In reply to: arryl
Fri, 02-21-2014 - 3:04pm
While I agree that a tanning bed is not the best way to do it, I do know plenty about Vitamin D. I was vitamin D deficient, and know the symptoms and everything else surrounding it. She is outdoors plenty as she rides her bike to and from all of her classes every day. I was not suggesting that she overdose on vitamin D, I was not suggesting she take it long term either, I know the proper levels of it. She does not drink milk very often because she is lactose intolerant and it give her digestive issues. While I can't say exactly how nutritiously she eats, from what she has told me in casual conversation, its better than she was eating when she was at home and is pretty well balanced. I also pointed her towards her nutritionalist about it so that they could do the proper blood tests, which they do for team members, but I know that she hates needles and normally won't do unless absolutely necessary, which again which is why I pointed her towards a short supplement. There are also plenty of studies showing that lack of vitamin D can show the same symptoms as depression as well as helping depression symptoms, though they don't know if its the chicken or the egg at times I also know someone going from a very sunny state such as Texas, to someplace much less sunny such as Oregon. I am up on my research and I am also extremely health conscious. She very well may be overdoing it some, unfortunately at this time it can't be avoided, but she does have a better schedule this quarter than she did last quarter in terms of giving her time to rest and study as opposed to being packed solid and late nights to study. I also do know that she will likely take more ownership of it if she reaches her own conclusions, but am plenty happy to give suggestions when she asks about it since she this is something new for her.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
In reply to: arryl
Sat, 02-22-2014 - 2:37pm

LOL, I cross that fine line all the time with DD.  MOM!!!!  And thankfully she keeps right on telling me things, knowing I'm going to ask or comment.  Interesting thing is, with her newly "grown" self, she's now asking and commenting on things with me.  Ugh.  There seems to be no line for her, LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
In reply to: arryl
Sat, 02-22-2014 - 2:45pm
Maybe she can try almond milk. I'm lactose intolerant too. Eight ounces of Blue Diamond Almond Breeze Original, supplies 25% of the RDA for Vitamin D and 45% for calcium. A nutritionist is a good idea too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-1999
In reply to: arryl
Sun, 02-23-2014 - 9:41pm

I've always had trouble with that "fine line" - still do.  They tell you something that isn't particularly good, but if you respond with advice they get annoyed.  It's like they open the door but don't want you to walk through.

I know both my girls got some serious sickness when they were in college away from home.  They don't typically take care of themselves in college.  My older daughter ended up with double pneumonia and had to come home a week before spring break.  My younger one ended up with mono.  Both survived.  I know some parents are more worried about health issues than others; I tend not to worry too much unless I get a call about a serious illness...then my Mama Bear goes into full force!  Now about the tanning salons - I have to agree with Sabr.  I think they definitely cause more harm than good and I personally wouldn't ever recommend it.  I know full well about the rain in Eugene - and BTW, I think it's even worse in Portland!  I still think, like Sabr said, daylight even without sun can help with the vitamin D.  Does your dd get annual physicals?  If so, I'm guessing her Vit. D levels would be checked and if she is low, they'll recommend she take some.  My dd was put on it.  However - many of our young adults don't remember to take their vitamins, just like your dd said.  If she becomes so tired and weak that it interferes with her activities then she will get herself to the health clinic and they'll figure it out.

My dds are now 27 and 32 - one married, one with a long term partner (hopefully soon to be fiance!).  I still am walking that fine line and I still blow it sometimes.  I think it's the curse of being a mom - we never stop worrying!

                        Calmama54, from the beautiful


Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
In reply to: arryl
Mon, 02-24-2014 - 9:31am
Just a quick update, I got a text Saturday evening from her, a long series of texts, she was in a talkative mood. She already has 2 vitamin D supplements in her vitamin regiment, which I assume means she was at least low when they did all her bloodwork in September. So she said she just needed to remember to be taking them every day instead of the 2 or 3 times a week she is doing weights and gets them at the weight room. She was going to try putting them on her coffee cart so that she'd remember to take them when she made her hot chocolate and stuff to go in the mornings. She was excited that the sun was out on Saturday and she spent a good part of the day outside after she slept til noon. When I talked to her on the phone yesterday she was in much better spirits, I think she is just mostly run down some and I know her period is about to start which always wears her down more. @Calmama, its funny, she actually was sick quite often while at home, I think moreso due to allergies than anything, but because she ran herself raged in high school. She was sick over christmas, but other than that has not been sick at all this year which has been nice to hear. She was concerned with her mold allergies that things would be much worse up in Eugene with all the rain, but so far it hasn't been an issue for her at all.
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