Getting use to sons expanding their horizons

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-1999
Getting use to sons expanding their horizons
24
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 10:05am

Both my boys are at school 2 1/2 hours away. I check on them and they call often. Overall, they are responsible and hardworking young men. Good grades, study hard and have made good choices in the party department...tried it and learned the consequences early on. They are very close and live in the dorm on the same floor, which they like. Our youngest son is dating a

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Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 11:56am

By the time they are in college, they're pretty well "cooked", as far as personality, moral and emotional responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-1999
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 1:19pm

Thanks, we told him this morning that he has to make up his mind where he wants to go. We left it at that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 2:02pm

You have every right to tell him that you are disappointed that he is not coming home for the long weekend. You are not being controlling, just stating a fact. Sometimes young people need the excuse of the their parents to do what they really want to do. He hasn't been seeing the girl for very long; having a break would be good for them.

By the way, marks will drop in the first year. Many kids attending Canadian universities see their marks drop in the first year. There are various reasons (not as well prepared as should have been, getting use to being away from home, getting use to different expectations etc..). As long as your son understands the ramifications of poor marks, it's up to him. (I am guessing that he is only in first year undergrad. Right? He is going to have to keep his marks up if he wants to get into optometry after his Bachelor Degree. But we prepared for him to change his mind over the last few years. Many kids do.).

School has only be in session for a two months. Your son will only be starting/just finishing mid terms by now.. And given that assignments are only a small portion of the marks, it is too soon to say if his marks are dropping or not. What is more important is how he is doing with respect to the rest of the students in his classes,not his actual mark. Our universities do bell curve the marks.

Can you & your DH find the time to take a day trip to visit your boys? We make a point of going to see our DS (he is also 2 hrs away) once a month. We don't spend much time there (just enough time to take him out for lunch and maybe make a trip to the store) but it does allow for that all important face-to-face time.

Good luck & try not to worry. Remember you brought your son up well. He will work it out. And he does have his brother close. That will help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-1999
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 4:11pm

Thanks for the reply. My husband and I do take day trips and take them out for lunch. Usually when they arent coming home for the weekend, we take a trip up just as you do with your son. We try and go when both boys are free to go out for lunch and then just have some one on one time with each of them, usually shopping. Both boys took their first year at home through community college to give them time to grow up a bit before sending them on their own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 4:35am
Hi kittyminou,
I agree, manuals would help mothers to know best! ;)
Have you met his girlfriend on any of your lunch trip visits?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 7:24am

If your sons have been coming home every 2-3 weeks, I'd say it's not a big deal if your younger son changes his plans this time and spends the long weekend at his gf's home.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-1999
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 9:08am
Oh yes, we've met her. She has stayed in our home. She definitely has control issues. My son is a big softie and helps everyone around him, always has. She needs help understanding some of the science courses and so he's with her helping her a lot. He also helps many of his dorm mates with math. She still does all her extra activities and expects him to change all his plans to revolve around her. *sigh* I think the novelty is starting to wear off for him and he's starting to be himself again. Maybe they'll work it out in their own time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-1999
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 9:17am
We always encourage our boys to bring their friends home. We enjoy having them home and doing things with them. It's not always possible. So you have the opposite problem, I agree, we certainly dont live in a perfect world! In about 18 months, our eldest will be moving clear across the country to begin his doctorate and then we will be like you, not seeing him until school breaks and such. Thank goodness for things like Skype! It's exciting to see them spread their wings and succeed! As for school work, there's always a lot of that to keep them super busy, when we go to the city where they study, we try to fit at least an hour with them, sometimes that's all we get. In the meantime, Im super busy so that helps quite a bit. Oh and we got a crazy poodle, she's our comic relief!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Wed, 11-02-2011 - 10:24pm

back off and let him have his gf and his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-1999
Thu, 11-03-2011 - 10:22pm

I think you should go back and read some of the responses in this thread, evidently you've missed some of this discussion.

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