Getting your college student to talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
Getting your college student to talk
5
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 10:17pm

There were always two ways to get my kids to talk about what was really on their mind, go for a long ride or get in the kitchen together and cook something. Now we have skype, facebook and texting but there is a no nagging agreement so I have found that writing an old fashion letter or sending a box

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 11:16pm

Well you are a way better mom than I am cause I never sent one care package to my DD in 4 yrs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 1:58pm
I do not/did not know my university students' schedules. I certainly did not know when they had projects to submit or a test, unless they told me. IMHO, having their "schedule" on the frig is "helicopter" parenting and does not encourage independence. I didn't do that when they were in high school; I certainly would not do that when they were in university. They knew the consequences of not doing-not getting into grad school, loosing their scholarships and not getting their degrees. They do not/did not need me to remind them to study more or work harder. Young adults are suppose to separate from their parents and they have a right to their privacy, even from their parents. You can expect too much communication.
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 2:46pm

I would have no idea of what was going on at college if my student didn't tell me already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 9:03am

Well, the situation is a little different for us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-1999
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 9:17am
My boys are pretty good about talking, we've always had open lines of communication. Two weeks ago, I met our oldest son in a different city from where he and his brother go to school. Sent back a big care package with him that was really appreciated by both of them. Some valentines day candy and all kinds of goodies. Their dorm, always sends out letters for asking if we want to purchase goodie baskets when they are studying. We have done that in the past but I tend to make up my own and drop them off when we visit or when they come home. My mom basically kicked me out without much support when I graduated high school after having smother mothered me all my life. Always said I wouldn't do that to my kids. We talk to our farm boys a lot and I think the encouragement has kept them in school and starting a life of their own. Many of their cousins and friends have dropped out, the parents come and ask us what is our secret all the time. I tell them to just be in their children's lives. We have had bumps in the road and they've made choices I wouldn't have made, but that is what growing up is all about, creating your own life and learning to make choices. I don't believe in throwing them out to the wolves, I do believe however, in being in their lives and encouraging them to be independent. It's tough letting the kids go but wonderful to see them fly. I continue to encourage them to make choices that make them happy, it's a long life if you choose a career that doesn't make your heart sing.I don't have a school calendar but I generally know that they are studying for midterms. It's normal that they want to be independent and on their own and it's also healthy, you as their parent have some adjusting to do for your new normal. It's about communication and finding a balance.