Helping a grieving child

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Helping a grieving child
Thu, 09-05-2013 - 1:31pm

My dad died Monday night, right before D started classes (first year). His death was expected, and we all went to Seattle to hang out with him and say goodbye at the end of July. Nonethless, it's hard for all of us, but especially for DD who is embarking on this new college adventure, trying new subjects, and trying to make new friends. The first year dean emailed her professors, and I emailed the coordinator for the RAs, and everyone has been very nice to her.

Still, she's kind of a wreck and wants to know when this awful feeling will pass. I don't know what to say. I did go down there (we're less than an hour away even if the traffic is bad) and take her off campus to buy art supplies for her drawing class, and that seemed to help a little. I know she can take a short leave, but neither she nor I think this is a good idea, as it will just make things worse when she has to catch up. (We have some experience with this from soph year in HS!)

Has anyone else been thru something similar?


Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 11:27am

Another thought - I planted plants for each of my parents when they passed (things that will last and grow; a bush or tree or even just some kind of stone memorial vs. just cemetary visits) - maybe you can schedule something like that for when the kids are in next if you think it'd help. It definitely helps me; makes me smile when I see them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
Sun, 12-15-2013 - 9:34pm

I'm so sorry for your loss, Ashmama.  Losing someone you love dearly is probably the most devastating blow ever. My beloved Mother died at the beginning of January 1999, shortly after her birthday and then my Dad died six years later beginning of August.  It was the awfulest feeling that I had ever experienced.  It'll soon be her 15 year anniversary and it's so difficult to believe how many years have gone by. During the first month of her death I never thought I'd get through it, but I did, and the blow has softened up a great deal. I still miss her, but that heartbreak and the sick gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach, have been replaced with beautiful memories that I can smile at now, instead of crying.  Healing from a loss of someone you loved dearly takes a very, very long time.   You will find that with everyday that goes by, it will bring healing, but if you find that  the pain is too unbearable to stand, then you should join a grieving support group or go to a grieving therapist so that s/he can help you cope.  Surround yourself with family and people that love you. Also take care of yourself.  God bless and help you through this.  -Kathryne

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2014
Wed, 07-30-2014 - 1:53pm

The Top 5 Benefits When You Sponsor A Child And Why You Shouldn’t Put It Off

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