"I have no friends!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2001
"I have no friends!"
10
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 10:50pm

DD is a freshman in college, a large state university

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 8:07am

My dd goes through phases like this however she is very, very social but it really isn't true. Does your daughter keep in touch with any high school friends? Work friends?

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 8:41am

Could she bring her bf to some on-campus activities, and then hopefully just happen to meet other people at the time?

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 11:04am

Since she is not the type to just introduce herself to the people around her, she might do better by joining something. A campus club, some activity for charity, a group putting on an event, a study group in one of her classes, etc. She and the other participants will have the purpose in common to get conversation started, and from there hopefully she will find a few people with whom she has other things in common.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 1:06pm

I don't think it's that unusual, unfortunately. My dd20 is somewhat like that, in large part because she is often with her bf. I'm glad that dd18 (who is naturally more social anyway) went to college without her bf.

I know how hard it is to walk into group activities alone. For my dd20, who isn't as naturally social as her sister, it's been easier to make friends at places where you're expected to come alone (or at least it's not so unusual). Volunteering is a good way - even if it's just a one-day thing. A job is also a great way to make friends. I think clubs are easier than group events - dd20 didn't want to go to movie night alone, but she didn't mind going to French club alone (and she met friends there). Small clubs were best, and everyone seemed to understand that, hey, your million other friends didn't come because they don't speak French, not because you're all alone in the world.

As dd20 became more comfortable, she often studied in the coffee house on campus, which also seemed to be a good way to interact with people. And Facebook groups for her college can be a good way to get to meet people without having to put herself out there quite so much. Dd20 also met friends that way, which led to "friends of friends" and even a wider circle.

I know that your comment about the CC was probably meant to be reassuring to your dd, that yes, she could find friends, but if she's sensitive about it, I'd just try to empathize more, maybe offer suggestions, but don't say, "hey, other kids can make friends, you should be able to also." I learned the hard way that if I said anything REMOTELY like this (in other words, not really, but that was how dd interpreted it) she immediately thought I was calling her a pathetic loser with no friends. Sigh... It's hard (on them and on us).

Good luck.

Theresa

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 5:20pm

I commuted and made friends; my dds both commuted, and made friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 10:54am

My dd and several of her friends all went to the school here

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Avatar for scoutnut
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 11-21-2010 - 3:12pm

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-1999
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 9:39am

I will just add my 2cents- I am BTDT- my DS attended school first away from home, then came home & commuted to CC and then to University at Buffalo- he has always been rather social but not a big "joiner" while we encouraged him to join some activities at CC & UB even though he was communting- he did so very limited - but I know he made friends at both campuses. While at UB they had several projects he had to do in groups and he always seemed to have a group.

IMO- as a college student it is up to HER to make friends, not you. No one can make friends for you- you have to sometimes make the first move. As another poster stated- you make friends by being friendly- she is obviously in class with other students- maybe she ask to join or make up

Kathy
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 11-26-2010 - 9:11am

I have to agree with the study group idea - my DD commutes to college, works a lot of hours, lives with her bf and has a fair number of friends at school. And almost all of her friends at school are people that she's met in study groups.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2001
Fri, 11-26-2010 - 4:06pm

What?