i miss him....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
i miss him....
5
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 1:52pm

he drove me crazy his entire high school years, there were days I literally had steam coming out my ears from his antics. He's come far, has a long way to go, but he went off and he's okay. I had a business meeting near his school(for real, not made up just to see him, lol)and offered to stop by and take him out to dinner (I gave him plenty of opportunity to opt out of the dinner)but he sounded excited to see me, even took me on a walk around to show me stuff I'd never seen on campus, I oooh and awwwwed like crazy). It had been his first day of classes. He seemed excited by this and seemed fine. Over the summer my DH and I did our best to drive home the message "you know, if you don't go to class and study you won't stay etc." We let him know that up until this point in his life we had to send him to school, but from this point forward, we really weren't under any obligation to educate him, that it is a gift and if he decides to waste it, we'll save our money and he can quit school and work. So anyway, maybe he actually heard us because he said in his first classes he was surprised that not everyone had their books (I assured him that wasn't so odd, but glad that he'd got his) and that one professor gave a preclass assignment that he had ready and he said he didn't notice anyone else turn one it in. He also told me he canceled his facebook account, too tempting and too much of a time waster. I almost fell off my chair! Hmmm, could be just what he thought I needed to hear, but he seemed genuine. I patted him on the back and smiled and told him I knew he had what it takes to make it, and reminded him that everyone has their own path, and to just keep concentrating on his. I didn't give him any lectures, I didn't comment on his new look, yes he'd changed a few things already, I just kept looking at him and listening harder than ever to every little story he divulged.

I drove all of you crazy with my worries over the years (and you know I'll be back, lol)and couldn't wait to send him off to college. He says he'll call once a week, our agreement, and since he doesn't respond I've stopped texting him my ocsasional "so how was today". I find myself - reminding myself - to "let him go", (and I really didn't think I'd have to do that with this one), to back off and give him the space he's earned. When he shared that sometimes he feels overwhelmed and out of sorts with all the newness and new people I reassured him that it was normal and would pass once he's had some more time to adjust...

But, I miss him, I really do...

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
In reply to: fullmom2
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 1:59pm
I'm impressed!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: fullmom2
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 9:44am

WOW!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2007
In reply to: fullmom2
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 12:09am
I miss my DS17 also fullmom. he is almost 400 miles from home he still tolerates talking to me daily some days he initiates the calls or we talk on livemessenger or I call him. He has been home once and planning on coming this next weekend as he has a car he wants to fix to take with him instead of one he is driving. He still drives us nuts but we love him to pieces and miss him like crazy.
You must of done a great job to have your son have great studying skills and deleting FB Keep us posted on his progress.
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: fullmom2
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 7:33am

ITA on the FB thing. I miss ds18 too - he's 7 miles away but doesn't text or email unless he needs something (not so much at this point) - I might hear a word every 3 days or so. He got into a frat, which I never expected him to even entertain, so I guess we are even less likely to hear from him (plus he has a new gf). His load this semester wasn't too bad so I hope he's taking school seriously with all the other stuff going on, but I, too, miss him loads.

DH and I are on a mini vacation for 4 days so ds is stopping by the house to look in on our 2 kitties; he told me a while back that's that's all he misses so I'm sure he'll have his 'home fix' from that. Sigh.

Sue

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: fullmom2
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 3:13pm

DS18 came home today before work to throw laundry in; we hadn't seen him in 2 weeks (and he almost never makes contact). He, too, said he's decided FB is not something he wants to spend much time with any more (he was glued to it last year and this summer); he says it's superficial, people are known to stalk on FB, and he keeps in touch with those he wants to, without it. I'm THRILLED. I miss him too, but it sounds like he's found his own - he had issues last year and is now seemingly past that, with a new gf, joining a frat (that looks like they'd keep an eye on the younger kids) that is very service-oriented, and the oldest on campus (Jesuit; they're pretty straight and narrow)...so I just have to let go more and hope that that 'good stuff' we tried to get in there over the years prevails.

Sue






Edited 9/19/2010 4:26 pm ET by suzyk2118