I NEED ADVICE!
Find a Conversation
|Fri, 11-23-2012 - 11:14am|
I'm posting here regarding my 17 year old niece. Niece is 5'11" 280-ish. She's a big girl and has the life-long self-esteem/self-worth issues that go along with it. Not to mention the sibling rivalry from having a younger sister who is super-model beautiful that boys always fawned over. She's always felt big, ugly, unworthy. She's had family issues (I think many of you know the saga) and is currently being treated for depression.
Two weeks ago she met a boy. Well... a man. He's 22. From what niece tells me (and she talks about him non-stop), he thinks the world of her, tells her she's beautiful, can't believe such a beautiful girl is going out with him, she thinks he's so nice... Niece has been on cloud nine.
I've got red warnings lighting up all over. She's become so infatuated so quickly, I'm scared she's going to jump into having sex with him without really getting to know him... And I think this because she's done it before. 2 years ago, a similar situation. A boy gave her some attention - she fell "in love" and slept with him within days/weeks of knowing him. He immediately dumped her. This was a month before she moved back in with her mother, attempted suicide - all the stuff that led up to her moving in with my husband & me.
Niece still regularly chats with her Mom. Her mother called me last night to tell me I had to do something about her daughter. Mom says she asked point blank if they were having sex. Niece [big pause before answering] says no. Mom detects the lie & gets her to admit that yes, they *tried* but claims the guy "felt bad" and couldn't go through with it. (HE felt bad, SHE didn't?)
So in spite of our many girl-talks and her saying she learned from her first experience and is NOT ready for sex... she's very likely completely lying to my face. Apparently she's so freaking insecure, she's ready to immediately screw the first guy who calls her pretty.
She's off with relatives for Thanksgiving & this is just roiling around in my head. He may be the nicest guy in the world but... dude, it's only been 2 weeks! You barely know him, you don't know if this is the real him or just a bunch of BS he's saying to get into your pants! I'm so angry & upset right now, I feel like if she were here right now, I'd be yelling & screaming (and since she's not, I'm here freaing out & venting). I do have time to calm down before she returns and plan on having a calm, rational conversation with her. Just wondering what you think might be the best approach.
EDIT: Niece is 17, turns 18 next week. "BOY" is 22, turns 23 soon after she turns 18.