The last day. It finally came.

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Registered: 12-31-1969
The last day. It finally came.
21
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 8:15am

Tomorrow we take our oldest to college.  I've been dreading this day since he was a toddler, although I haven't been so sad all summer since he's been a ginormous pain in the tush.

However, for the past week I've been going down memory lane, probably not a good thing to do.  We still live in the house we bought when he was one, so I'm "seeing" him at different ages all over the place...especially when I sit outside.  I've teared up a couple times, nothing bad.  But, last night in bed I let it out.

I cried for the passage of time, the "happy" family it seemed we once were, the "happy" boy he seemed to be.  The dreams we are letting go as we've had such a difficult time in high school.  I cried about all the mommy mistakes I made thru the years.  It seems, for some reason, I don't think of all the good things I've done...but the poor things I've done.  Not horrible, mind you, but things I'm not proud of.  Letting him cry it out for a few nights at 18 months, screaming once or twice when he was a baby because i couldn't take it anymore (he was not colicky, but as close to it as you could get).  Not living in the moment as much as I should have..it seemed as if I was more of a drill sargeant just getting things done and exasperrated that I didn't have more time for myself.  I know these pale in comparison to all the good things...but why do they stand out first and foremost in my mind right now?

I want to be strong tomorrow for him.  I want him to see a smile on my face and how excited I am for him.  This is another gift I want to give him. 

DH was talking about how he wanted to have one last "talk" tonight, for me to tell him not to make any plans.  I told him i wanted a good last day...as much for me as for him, as we've had a lot of angst this summer...and DS won't listen to a thing he is saying anyway.

It went to fast.  The cliche is true.  The days go by slowly, but the years slip away.

con (sad heart today).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 8:26am

{{{{hugs}}}} - I can remember when I talked to dh the last few nights before dd21 went off to college-  he finally said that I was confusing going off to college with getting hit by a bus!  ALL I could focus on how was everything was ended and all my "chances" were gone and how I clearly didn't enjoy everything enough, or do the right things, or whatever...  I think especially when you have a difficult child, it is really, really hard not to focus on the negative and the "if onlys." Luckily, with me, I learned soon enough that everything wasn't ended (as you know, our dd still needed a lot of "parenting" in college, at least the early years). After the big shock of your ds leaving, you'll probably go back to a much slower transition and even perhaps wish it really were "the end" (not the hit by a bus scenario, just the "they're off being completely independent" scenario :smileywink:).

Let us know how it goes today!!

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 10:05am
Best wishes and hugs to you - I feel that way every year! (this will be ds20's 3rd - maybe it's because he's an OC) And he's only a couple miles away during the year! But I know it'll never be like it was, and I do miss that. As my dad said when I mentioned to him that I was so sorry for not even considering their feelings, 'It's the way it should be'.

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 12:01pm

Is there a parent alive who can't look back at some mistakes that were made in child rearing?  I doubt it--surely not me.  i figure unless we actually abused our kids, they are going to remember the good times, not the few times mom yelled at them.

I do remember dropping off DD at college--I didn't cry but when I came home, I had to close the door to her room--I could stand looking at it w/o her in there.  She was only 2 hrs away but she didnt' come home until Columbus Day weekend, which was a long 6 weeks.  DS & I were running out the door to hug her when the car drove up.  I think you'll both appreciate each other more after some absence.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 8:15pm

Hugs, I know this is a hard time for you...I can still remember how I felt when we went through it 11 years ago.

<I hope he's not so quietly hostile towards us>

You may find that he earns a new appreciation for you. An appreciation for home cooking, for privacy, for the conveniences of home vs living in a dorm, for people that he knows love and accept him, maybe even for the cushy life he's led so far. My ds was also a PITA before leaving but he was a much nicer kid when he came home for Thanksgiving. I hope that its the same with your ds. 

BTW I sobbed off and on for a few days after ds left, little by little it got easier. I stilled teared up when saying goodbye to him after breaks until the middle of third year! He acted a little embarrassed but he actually liked it, liked having someone miss him that much. 

So remember to use waterproof mascara tomorrow and to take a box of tissues for the drive home. We'll be waiting to hear how it went.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 10:47am
The first time dropping them off at college is hard for all of us Mama's. I don't care if they are 10 minutes away, or across the country, if they aren't right down the hall at night, then it doesn't seem right at first. I hope you have a smooth drop off. The first year I dropped my youngest off (about 90 min. away) I cried the whole way home. It does get easier, I promise! I think what helped my kids have a change of attitude in college was seeing the kinds of relationships new friends have with their parents. My oldest is constanly telling us stories and is amazed that her friends don't have parents who are as supportive as we are. I hope this is a great year for your son!
Photobucket
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 9:55am
((Hugs)) I dropped my oldest off yesterday. SHe was a weepy mess, but I kept saying that this is what all that hard work was for, rejoice!!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 1:23pm
Glad it went so well, Con! I saw the picture on FB - he looks great and happy. I forgot - is his room mate someone he already knew or did they get randomly assigned? I will continue to pray that he's able to pull it together and that he will have a great first year experience. I really think when he comes home for breaks he will appreciate you both more and that the closeness will come back. Did your younger ds go along? Is he starting his freshman or sophomore year this year? Keep us posted!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 1:25pm
Aww - I saw some of your FB pictures, too. Sorry it was kind of a 'weepy' day for her. Hopefully they'll have lots of fun things planned for the weekend to get her mind off the homesickness and get her meeting some new friends. Have you talked to her today? How did her first night go?
Pam
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 5:50pm
She called a few times already and in a great move. She and her room mate get along wonderfully. She signed up for everything under the sun. She said her room mate even said that 5 minutes after we left,she was a different person! They have full weekend planned with events.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 7:28pm
That's great! So glad she and her roomie get along. Sounds like she's going to be fine!
Pam

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