Little advice from some BTDT parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Little advice from some BTDT parents
6
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 8:55am

Ok I will be amazed if my senior in high school makes it through the rest of senior year without me losing it LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 10:32am

I think it's common for kids to act like alien creatures their senior year in preparation for going off to school. I know my older ds especially was quite unpleasant during that time! Kind of a way of distancing themselves and making the transition easier. As far as 'I'm 18 and can do anything' - I think that can also be common. Younger ds proudly brought home a pack of cigerettes on his way home from school on his 18th birthday. Which I promptly threw away... Don't worry, the attitude will pass. Sounds like she's a great kid for the most part and congrats to her for all the college acceptances!

Pam
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 11:43am

Here's an idea: sit her down and tell her that if she's 18 and can do what she wants, then that also means that she's no longer a minor so technically its no longer mom's responsibility to buy her clothes or pay for college. However, you want her to be happy and succeed but you need her to work with you to make it through these last few months. Then point out what changes you want to see. Sometimes when we frame the situation to help them see that responsibility comes with their "advanced age" they will step up, at least a little. It may not work but could be worth a try.

As you pointed out her behavior is pretty normal. My ds got more unpleasant the closer it got to the time to leave for college. I figured that it was nature's way of making me want him to leave the nest!

Congrats to your dd on her acceptances. Good luck with getting through these next few months--at least she'll probably be cheerful when its time to go shopping for dorm supplies LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 12:02pm

I agree w/ you elc.

My DD's BD is in March and she did one of those "I'm 18 so now I can do what I want."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 12:51pm

I think it's nervousness too.

But will she admit to the fact that she's kind of nervous about "leaving the nest"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 3:39pm
It's called "fouling the next". Supposed they act like complete buttheads so that it's easier for them (and us) to let go. Think I bit my tongue almost in half last summer after d1 turned 18.

While normal, the behavior does not have to be excused. I'd have no problem letting her know that how cooperative you will be to her financial "needs" is based on how pleasant she is to be around. As for the price of college, neither one of you should be giong deep in to debt to fund an undergraduate education. If dream schools aren't within budget, you do everybody a favor be refusing to pay for them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 4:38pm

FWIW, my DD did not want to go to a college the same size as her high school--her high school wasn't that small.