My college student is a parent

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
My college student is a parent
9
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 2:09pm

In answer to a question Sabrtooth asked in her baby thread, yes, my college student, Chris, and his girlfriend are the parents of a baby boy born on Thursday, September 26.  Astor Lyon came by c-section and weighed in at (drum roll, please)  11 pounds, 3 ounces!   Yep, that's the size of your average 2 month old! 

Mother, baby, and daddy are doing well.  Sophia and Astor are being released from the hospital today and going back to the maternity home where she's been living since May.  She can stay there until baby is 9 months old, although she and Chris are planning to find an apartment together some time next spring, after she's had time to find a job and get back on track post-baby.

And Sabr, there's no way I could have taken her into our house-- we'd have nowhere to put her or the baby.  I'm trying to get rid of kids--not add more!   As it is, the maternity home has been a wonderful place for her.  It's very close to the community college where she takes classes, and right on the bus line for getting places.  She doesn't have to be scared of her father's emotional and psychological abuse, she's been fed healthy food at regular meal times, she's had budgeting and parenting classes, as well as exposure to religious practice (devotionals and regular church attendance).   The staff at the home also helped her apply for services like Medicaid and WIC, and connected her with an affordable child care program that automatically accepts any baby whose mother is a resident of the home.  It's a much more stable environment for her.

Chris isn't wildly in love with the baby yet, but admits that the little guy "has grown on him" over the past few days.  He is very good with him and very protective of him and Sophia.  I reassured him that a lot of daddies don't really warm up to their babies until they become less like sacks of potatoes and more like little people. 

Elizabeth

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 5:58pm

Congratulations! And that is a big baby, thank goodness for C-sections. 

So, how do you feel about being a grandma already? What does your dd think about being an auntie at her age?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 6:53pm

Chris is your Aspie, right?  I seem to remember this is first serious relationship, and I'm guessing that he didn't expect it to go in this direction.  This is a lot for him to process, emotionally.  And on top of that, he's a fairly young dad.  He's got college, and some job skills, but not a "career" yet, so I'm sure there's some fear mixed in.  It's no wonder he's not falling madly in love with the baby, yet.

It's to his GREAT credit, (and the way he was raised) that he's trying, and that he has stuck with his gf.  Things are bound to be rocky for a while, and as long as they understand and accept that, it will get better.  Congradulations to all of you.  PS: OMG, what a big baby!  Did the mom have gestational diabetes?  That is one cause of a very large newborn. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 7:06pm

Congratulations!  Glad they both have the support of you and the maternity home.  It's not going to be easy for them, but they can do it with a lot of planning, flexibility and determination.  BTW, I think it was Prince Charles or some other celebrity recently who said he didn't immediately take to the baby either.  It was after a few days when he really began to bond.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 9:41am

Congratulations Grandma!  I'm sure you were not expecting this so soon, but it sounds like Chris and Sophia are doing well under some difficult circumstances.  A friend of mine recently retired from his second career as an executive for a Catholic group home, and I applaud what they do, and the mothers who go there genuinely determined to improve their lives and those of their babies.

My DH was over the moon with our first baby, but with the third he was curiously uninterested and even a little depressed about it.  He said it was because he couldn't really do anything for it, which was true, and that he'd bond with the baby later when he could do more with it, which was also true.  I hope Chris will find the same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 12:16pm

I did not even know that they had maternity homes still but it sounds like a good place--a lot of services and care for the mother.  I can't even imagine that her parents were so unsupportive that she had to leave home.  I know other people whose kids had unexpected pregnancies but everybody made the best of the situation and the grandparents of course all loved the baby--her parents are really missing out.  I hope that everything goes well for them.  My DD was 9 lbs. 11 oz. and I thought that was big--with the C section it's really hard to lift up a heavy baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-1999
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 1:30pm

Oh my goodness!  I hope all will go well with the new family!  It sounds like your ds and his gf have good heads on their shoulders and are being very responsible as they move forward.  I haven't followed your story so this was a surprise to me.  Congrats, grandma - and if you feel comfortable posting any baby pics, it would be nice to see the new addition!

                        Calmama54, from the beautiful


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 2:38pm

Yes, Chris is my Aspie, and yes, this was his first serious relationship. He's handling things really well.   Sophia did NOT have gestational diabetes, and they did not misjudge her due date -- he's just a big baby.  

I think grandparenthood is softening up Sophia's parents.  They visited her at the hospital, and were the ones who provided transportation when she and the baby were released yesterday.   I think her mom really loves being a grandma, and maybe that has helped her stand up to her  husband more.   (When Sophia's co-workers had a baby shower for her, Sophia's dad "forbade" his wife and younger daughter to attend because Chris and I would be there.)  But even though Chris and I were at the hospital, the desire to see Sophia and Astor overcame any obstacles our presence might have caused.  Sophia's mom has been emailing me and being rather friendly.  All we ask of Sophia's dad is that he be civil or just to stay out of things.  As long as he doesn't cause a big disruption, that's about all we can expect. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 10-03-2013 - 1:35am
Congratulations! Babies are such a joy, even if they come a bit before planned! I had no idea that they still have homes for unwed mothers, but it sounds like an awesome thing. Enjoy your new grandson!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 10-18-2013 - 2:56pm

Congrats to all!  Nicki is sitting here and says "you can do parenthood AND be a college student if you are determined enough!" She and Tim did and are doing well now.

Grandparent hood is the bestest isn't it!