Permitting alcohol in your home

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Permitting alcohol in your home
21
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 12:44pm

I feel like this question has been "done to death" and I know where almost everyone stands but I'm struggling a little with my own ability to form an opinion and articulate it regarding letting our 19yo drink at home.

He has never asked for a drink in our house, unless he was joking. He doesn't drink at school, and his friends are nerds, as he says.

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Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 12:54pm

We don't drink. Period. Not allowed in our home either, though this has never come up or been an issue. As for the drinking in Europe.

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 1:09pm
My $.02 - prefaced by the fact that we would never permit other underage kids to drink at our house unless they were with their parents (family party for example). DS18 has had a glass or two of wine at home or at MIL's at a party (with us there). He sees how we drink (dh and I might have a glass of wine or a beer a month) and I wouldn't let him just have a bottle of wine on his own or a 6 pack while at home, but if we're having wine with dinner occasionally and he's home, I do let him. (Back when I turned 18, beer and wine were legal at 18, but then when I turned 20, they switched all to 21)

The issue I want to get into his head, vs. what he sees at college, is that you can drink with a meal or in a group, and have a glass or two to be social or because it's tasty/enjoyable, but we don't drink to get drunk. This has taken a little time as at his U, MANY drink to get drunk. He's not that into drinking so it hasn't really been an issue. We didn't permit him to have anything til he turned 16 and that was very controlled when we were with him at home or at MIL's for the holidays, so again only a few times/year at most.

FWIW. And obviously we can't control what he does when he's away at school.

Sue
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 2:35pm

We used the law to guide us. When we traveled someplace where the drinking age was different than at home we let the kids go by that law. That was Mexico and it was a family gathering and the kid knew better than to get smashed in front of mom and dad and the other relatives. If we had taken the kids to Europe we would have allowed them to follow the custom there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 2:58pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 4:54pm

I'm not much help as we've allowed our boys to have an occasional beer here at home since they were high school seniors, which is perfectly legal in IL. We also bought Justin a beer at a restaurant up in WI when he was 19, also perfectly legal. Both boys have probably partied a bit too much at times (as did I when I was college age) but Jason graduated from both high school and college top of his class and is headed to med school. Justin is still 'finding himeslf' but he started a full time job this week and seems optimistic and motivated so far. If you and your dh are social drinkers I see nothing wrong with letting your teens have an occasional beer or glass of wine, especially if you're going to be in a country where it's perfectly legal. My boys both did exchange programs in Germany at age 16, which is when they first experienced drinking (including drinking to excess).

Pam
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 6:06pm

Thanks all.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 6:24pm

Well, I don't buy the "when in Rome" theory.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 7:14pm

I guess you have to look at why you don't want your DS to have alcohol at home and go from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 07-08-2011 - 9:58am

Much of what I think is very in line with your position (right down to the coming from a line of Irish and Polish drinkers- my Polish grandpa died of cirrhosis). I also have a bipolar II dd (who is now unmedicated). And,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-08-2011 - 11:22am

My DD really would have liked living in WI--and she can't believe that I still don't drink beer cause i don't like the taste of it.

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