Son is struggling

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2007
Son is struggling
5
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 8:23am
My ds started college in July almost 400 miles from home they have no dorms since it is a technical college so he is renting a room in a house owned by the college across the street from the college. He has never been away from home and is struggling he has stated a long list of complaints about the house and the college so we are just trying to encourage him telling him that it will be worth it in the long run. He made a comment on facebook that said he wished he could turn back time and never went but he started it so has to finish it. I am worried about him but hope that if we just keep encouraging him he will be ok. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: dajeha
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 10:13am

I'm sorry to hear he's struggling! Those first few weeks are often tough. Do you think his concerns are valid? Does he seem really depressed or just frustrated?



For now, I'd just continue doing what you're doing. I wish I had some brilliant suggestions, but I think that he just has to make it through. What kind of problems is he encountering? Does he have a roommate? Has he met any friends?



{{hugs}} - I know it must be stressful for you!



Theresa



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
In reply to: dajeha
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 10:22am

It take time for kids to adjust to any college.
His courses may be harder then he is use.
He may need to study more.
It may take the first semester for him to adjust.

If he quits tell him he needs to work a low paying job full time
30-40hours per week.
He need to save his money to pay for his cell phone,
going out with friends etc.

He then may decide that school is not so bad after all




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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
In reply to: dajeha
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 11:38am

Hopefully it is just adjustment issues that he will get through with time. And sometimes they just like to vent, especially to mom, to let off steam. My ds did that a lot during his first year...complaints about the dorm, his roommate, etc. Whenever I made a suggestion about how he might resolve something he didn't want to do it so I just listened which seemed to be all that he wanted.

Sometimes however things really are a bad fit and something *should* be done. Maybe you can figure out which of his complaints are more significant and really affect his ability to get the education that you are paying for. Stuff like his roommates don't clean up after themselves is annoying but not serious. But if the teacher doesn't explain things clearly or he's not getting hands-on practice because there aren't enough tools or things like that need to be addressed.

The short answer is to listen carefully and read between the lines if possible, continue to be encouraging, and hopefully his dissatisfaction will pass.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-1999
In reply to: dajeha
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 12:47pm
Sometimes what seems like a good fit at first- doesn't work out (BTDT) I would suggest he try to at least stay a semester. Be there to listen and give advice - don't judge! Remember that on FaceBook he could be exaggerating a little! LOL if after a semester he is really not comfortable - then look to other options. We had to do this with our DS after 2yrs away at school he came home- transferred to our Comm. College for 2yrs then went to the Unversity at Buffalo and graduated in May with a Communications degree and is now at At&t. Its nice when the first college choice is exactly what they want/need and all is good but it doesn't always work that way for every student- you have to keep all your options open.
Kathy
Kathy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2007
In reply to: dajeha
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 3:05pm
Thank you, foxy. He called a bit ago so I called him back and asked him how his day went he said "decent" I think he is just adjusting to being so far away I am sure he will be fine and his class course changes every 6 weeks so maybe its just this part of the class he doesn't like Im not sure. We will wait and see how it goes. We did tell him in the beginning that we were proud of him for going and would like him to finish but anytime he wanted to come home we were here for him Don't know if we were right in telling him that or not but I just didn't want him to think we wouldn't allow him home if he quit but to do his best and follow thru at what you start.