Spending money...how to set up?

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Registered: 12-31-1969
Spending money...how to set up?
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Mon, 07-30-2012 - 11:38am

DS will be using his own money we have made him save since he began working last summer.  To be honest, he's never been thrilled we've made him save 25% of his salary last summer, all of his grad money and 75% of his earnings this summer...but too bad.

Anyway, he has some severe ADD symptoms, and is a bit immature in certain areas.  How have you all done the spending money?  We are not putting it all out there for him to spend, as it will be gone quickly.   I think we should agree to a reasonable weekly amount, then either put the entire month's allotment in his account to spend or do it weekly.  I'm sure everyone does it differently and for various reasons.  I remember my parents did it weekly.

con

Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 12:35pm
Freshman year I had access to ds's bank account and just put a portion into it each week. Last/soph year there was nothing saved for fun money other than what he had, which he's one of those he has it, he spends it kind of kids - he was on his own and worked about 15 hours/week during the year to have any (and he has to pay for books and gas; he worked off campus so had to get there). And as for groceries (on campus apartment last year) I just called and added money each week to the card (vs. sending cash as I'm no longer on his bank account, plus then I was sure the money would be spent on groceries/the stuff at that store!).
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Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 1:07pm
We could transfer money directly into their checking account. When they were in the dorm we gave them $25/week since all their meals were covered - just enough for some fun money. I think we paid it monthly, though, so if they blew it all the first week on going out they had to eat the dorm food the rest of the month.
Pam
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Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 2:57pm

I would say go with your gut. For dd21, we always made her save her summer money because we didn't subsidize things during the school year and she's not a good saver. We had an automatic transfer set up from our checking to hers once a month, but our bank allows it in any time intervals (every two weeks, every ten days, etc). We slowly transitioned into her being more responsible and the intervals being larger. After junior year, we didn't force savings or do a transfer. This year, after she graduated, we made her open her own separate account, even though we could have kept it connected. LOL - I actually requested that she remove it because I don't like to see $100 payments to Ulta (a make-up store).  I told her I wouldn't be able to refrain from commenting, so best that I not see it!! It's better for our relationship to keep things separate. She KNOWS how she is, so she has an automatic transfer to checking, automatic overdraft, and a test message sent to her when her balance gets low. She needs the help. :smileyhappy:

Now, dd19 is very frugal so we've never paid attention to her money. We are paying her rent and utlities this fall and she only requested $100 a month for groceries, because she's going to try to pay for the rest herself (we do a big Costco run before we send her off, and buy her groceries if we visit as well).

I know that some people say that if they can't manage it on their own they aren't ready for college but our older dd was plenty ready for college work, but not so ready for all those executive functioning/planning stuff. We slowly transitioned and overall she's doing quite well now. I'm glad we helped her with her spending the first few years!

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Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 9:41am

Theresa, I have to say the way you did it with your dd21 is wisest for those students who, for whatever reason, do not stay on top of their bank and credit card accounts.

We still haven't weaned ds22 from the autotransfers and that has to change, soon.  We just had some confusion about the autotransfer date that his cc bill gets paid and he ended up overdrawing his ckg acct in order to avoid going over his cc limit.  He has o/d protection, but they still charge a bunch of fees when a transfer is required.  It's tough because he cannot get an increase in his cc limit with only part-time and summer jobs. Although I think it's safer using cc's than carrying lots of cash or checks, it's just not working for him when he does not regularly check his accounts online. 

I'm going to start transfering larger lump sums, maybe quarterly, and stop calling him when his cc balance is too high or his checking balance is getting low.  Right now it is I, rather than he, who gets the bank alerts.  He needs to set them up himself so that he manages his own money.  I know I''ve only been enabling him by checking his accounts for him all the time.  If it costs him a few hundred in fees when he fails to stay on top of things, so be it.

It complicates things when he is out-of-state. My name needs to be on the account to make transfers, and some things require a visit to the local branch here in VA, while he is in MI.   His cc is from the same bank where his checking account is, simplifying auto-cc payments.  Ill have to explain to ds how he can transition to making his credit union account in MI his main acct, rather than the one at his VA bank, so that I can just get out of the picture altogether.  Maybe I'll just mail the checks to him quarterly. This is the last year we'll claim him as a dependent for tax purposes, so it's a good time to do that.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

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Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 9:53am

I'm going to start transferring larger lump sums, maybe quarterly, and stop calling him when his cc balance is too high or his checking balance is getting low. Right now it is I, rather than he, who gets the bank alerts. He needs to set them up himself so that he manages his own money. I know I''ve only been enabling him by checking his accounts for him all the time. If it costs him a few hundred in fees when he fails to stay on top of things, so be it.

It's hard, isn't it? Even now, I cringe when I see the "non-Chase ATM fee" - thinking, "really, there are about a million Chase ATMs in Illinois... you had to pay $2 instead of walking two blocks and finding one... or God forbid, planning ahead?!?!"  I've said it before - I think that dd21 taking 5 years to finish college turned out to be a good thing in many ways. It's just been over the last year that I've really seen a big improvement (still not where I'd like it to be, but a big improvement) in dd's ability to handle these things. My current "bite-your-tongue" situation is that dd21 isn't paying federal taxes. Yes, she's been working full-time at a decent paying job (microbiologist) since July 1st (and part-time before that) and hasn't changed her W-4. I envision huge penalties in her future, while she has said several times, "I'm going to take care of it." We won't claim her next year (she wasn't a full-time student) so it's her problem, but OMGosh, I just want to fill out the freaking W-4 myself!!!!

I guess it's a good lesson in humility, lol :smileywink:. I think if all my kids were like dd19 I'd probably think it was just all those good financial lessons we taught them. Now I realize I can't take too much of the credit or too much of the blame for my kids' financial missteps!

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Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 12:05pm

You mentioned executive functioning with your DD19, is she ADD? My son is, and the executive functioning is really hindering.

No, she isn't, but at one point, we thought she might be (ADD, non-hyperactive). In fact, when we took her in for extensive testing in early HS, we found that she was not only not ADD, she was profoundly gifted. However, that said, she does have some issues with anxiety and depression that for whatever reason seem to cause a lot of executive functioning issues (the doctors who did the very extensive testing said that her giftedness may also cause her mind to just be "racing" a lot of the time). She was on and off several meds in HS and early college and at one point the doc thought she was bipolar II, but that seems to be not the case (according to her current psychiatrist and our own opinion/observations). She has not been on meds of that type (anxiety, depression, bipolar) for years and generally does just fine. She does have a prescription for an amphetamine, though, which she occasionally uses to help her with focusing/sleep issues. I honestly don't completely understand/agree on why someone who is NOT ADD would use that, but I've talked to her docs extensively and I guess I'm fine with her/their opinion. I know from the prescriptions (thank God she's not organized enough to hide stuff, lol, that's one benefit of bad executive functioning) that she uses a low dose very, very sparingly (definitely not daily) and she is generally very health conscious.

After going through a lot with her and seeing many other kids, I feel like there are a lot of kids who don't actually "qualify" as anything but who are just a little "off center" when it comes to emotions or executive functioning or focus. She's probably always going to be a little more emotional, a little more anxious, a little more perfectionistic, a little more scattered... even though officially she doesn't have any diagnoses. At least every year gets better :smileyhappy:.

BTW - I might have mis-stated it, but it's my dd21, not dd19. Thank goodness dd19 and ds12 are both extremely organized, efficient, and calm (jury is still out on ds10 - who is definitely the baby in this family).  Also, dd21 thought she'd never come home in college, but she ended up here a lot more than expected. I'll be curious to hear what happens with your ds.

 

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Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 8:28am

I feel like there are a lot of kids who don't actually "qualify" as anything but who are just a little "off center" when it comes to emotions or executive functioning or focus.

That's how I view DS22...a little off on exec fning and focus, but slow in processing, in contrast to your dd21.  In some ways it's a good thing, because the things he does focus on he's very good at.  He rarely loses things, he's overpolite and hates being late for work or appointments. He's pretty laid back in his small, comfortable world. But when it comes to the financial stuff, he just doesn't give it the attention he should.

DS29 seems more "on" socially and with managing his everyday life with so many interests, but he's more of a procrastinator and gets worked up more easily.

I always say no one is 100% normal, and if we all were, it would be a pretty boring world full of clones.

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

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Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 1:45pm

 Dd21 now tells me sheepishly when she's gone to Target and bought stuff she can easily do without and dd23 seems focused and serious about saving.

LOL - I was hoping for more of a meeting in the middle eventually! I don't want dd19 to live on brown rice (she used her rice cooker every day at her apartment, eating copious amounts of cheap grains like some third-world orphan :smileywink:) but I also want dd21 to realize that $25 lip gloss is a luxury.

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Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 1:57pm

(I don't feel too bad going off-track in this post, since it's your post initially...  :smileyhappy:)  What you wrote about your son was so interesting. I'm pretty sure my mom is also undiagnosed bipolar ("treated" with lots of valium and alcohol). I often wonder at the nature/nurture. My mom came from a poor immigrant family of ten kids, an abusive dad (who died of cirrhosis in his 50s) and struggled with the sudden death of her first-born, 3 year old child and an alcoholic husband (my stepdad, to whom she was married for 40 years before he died two years ago). My dd21 had some challenges, but for the most part, she had a stable family and tons and tons of support. I feel sometimes like we were able to get what was probably the same "nature" and steer it away into a fairly manageable kid who is just a bit "off" as we say. You're right, it would be easier if there were some straightforward diagnosis that would result in a straightforward treatment, but it will probably never be that easy. She is doing very well now, but of course, we worry whenever a time of high stress comes, wonder how it will be when she has kids, etc....After this whole discussion, you probably understand even more now why I was so happy when she graduated - I think with kids like this, not only do you never really know, you can be fairly certain that they won't tell you when things are giong downhill so you can be completely surprised at any time (latenight phone calls are still enough to send my heart into overdrive). Dd19 will "warn" me when she might get an A-. Dd21-  just as smart and capable and accomplished... well, we once found out she had withdrawn from school and was out-of-state via our other dd. Not kidding.....:smileysad:

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Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 7:28pm

Dd had a savings account.  When she went on her orchestra trip last year, dh and I decided that she could have a secured credit card through our credit union.  In HER NAME ONLY.  And- the bills come here.  So I can see what's going on.  So far she hasn't used it for much stuff.  Taking her sister out to Starbucks once, getting a few groceries for me, buying the stuff for her dorm room (and I'm not sure how we're going to handle that money yet). 

She didn't really have a job this summer.  I've done temp work through an educational company that scores standardized tests- and they were doing a pilot test using kids who just graduated high school- she did that for about a week.  Made a couple hundred bucks.  Add that to the money she got for graduation, and the money MIL is giving her a semester, she's doing ok. 

Most of the graduation money went into her checking account.  She's got an ATM card, but she's never used it.  I don't even know if she could use the ATM LOL.  She does like using the credit card- I'm just going to have to figure out how to pay stuff from it if she does charges.  The savings account has my name and dh's name on it (started it years ago- I think she was 3 and MIL sent her a check for her birthday and I couldn't see buying the kid $50 worth of toys LOL).  Right now it's tied to the credit card.  If she misses a payment (which shouldn't happen since the bill is coming here), the money will come out of there. 

And whoever made the post about dorm food- Oh man!  When I went to school, we had 2 cafeterias- but they made the same food.  We didn't get "extra" money to go eat at the small diner on campus.  With dd- not only do they have the cafeteria option, they get $100/ semester for 3 other places on campus- including a Starbucks! 

Cheryl