Take girlfriend with us on dorm move-in day?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Take girlfriend with us on dorm move-in day?
5
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 7:55am

Hi!

I have a question. I will be moving my son into the dorm very soon. His girlfriend wants to go with us. I don't have a problem with the girlfriend. I think she is a very sweet girl. I just think that my son needs to get his mind on college at this point. He has had a long summer with her but I think he needs to get his mind on school now. I think he should be concentrating on getting settled in his new environment and making new friends. I understand that she is upset about being separated but she will still have to say goodbye whether it is the night before or the day of move-in.    I suggested that perhaps she could go up with us on a future trip instead. It only takes a few hours to get up there.  Do you think it is appropriate for a girlfriend to go to the move-in or should this be a family thing? I'm just trying to make sure I'm making the right decision. Thanks for any advice you all could provide.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Move-in for ds was under an hour as far as getting stuff up there - then I left so he could put stuff away. If gf wants to help lug stuff up, I don't see a problem with that - that day is pretty chaotic with all the kids and all their (often excessive) stuff! As long as she then leaves when you do, I don't see it as a problem - it's just added muscle!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005

I don't have a strong feeling either way - I don't think I'd mind terribly if my dds' bfs had come along. However, I think that there is NO problem at all with you saying that you'd prefer it to just be family. If you really don't want to come across as the bad guy, I think you could easily explain that it's a very emotional time for you and you'd rather be alone (or with your immediate family, or dh, or whomever) when you're driving back home.

As far as him focusing on school and his new environment, I think that the real problem won't be the drop-off day, but the rest of the year. Is his girlfriend also going off to college? How close are they? When my dd19 was a freshman, her bf (who was a senior in HS at the time) was a bit clingy, texted her too much, wanted to know where she was, etc. She ended up breaking up with him for a month and explaining that college, not him, was her first priority. They got back together and he has been great ever since (they're at the same college now). He does his thing and she does hers and although they spend a fair bit of time together, she has a separate life and focus on school. It was really important for her to make that choice and I know it can be hard when one partner leaves for college and the other is at home.

Theresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Each of my boys had their (then) gf's tag along on freshman move in day. It was no big deal. As Sue mentioned - move in day is so hectic that your ds isn't really going to get a chance to 'wrap his mind' around school yet. In both cases we left in the late afternoon so the boys had a chance to get acquainted with their new floor mates that evening. Plus move in days were on Saturday and they didn't actually start classes til Monday or Tuesday so that gave them time to get settled in. But as Theresa said - if you really don't want her to come with you I think that's perfectly OK, too.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I just wanted to thank you for the replies. I have decided not to take her up there on move-in day. However, I will extend an offer for her to go up there to visit with us at another time. Thanks again for helping me come to a decision. I needed to hear other viewpoints....
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Hope your move in goes well!!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!