Was this a stupid idea - and how do I fix it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Was this a stupid idea - and how do I fix it?
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 10:20am

Back in September, I bought tickets for dd and me to see Bernadette Peters at her university. She doesn't get home except on break, and I thought it would be a fun mother-daughter weekend (we both like musical theater).

Well, we're on a pretty tight budget with dd21 unexpectedly needing to finish school this year (without her scholarship, which ended at four years)

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 10:41am

Have you scoped out hotels? Is there something that might be like a Red Roof that's pretty basic and relatively inexpensive? And would it even be fun to have dd be with you to get her out of that potentially uncomfortable envt for a night? I think I'd look into that and pose it to her that way vs. feeling guilty about you not staying with her - make it an escape for her and then

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 10:44am

Can you just bring it up? Say something along the lines of "in our last few conversations I've noticed you seemed a little nervous (or stressed or whatever term you think is best). I want you to know that I remember how it was living with roommates and I really don't care about how they behave, or if the apartment is clean--I'll be there to spend time with you. Is there anything else that's bothering you about the weekend?"

Is it a bad weekend for her in terms of schoolwork--like exams the next week or a big paper due?

Is it possible to stay over only Saturday night, if you still get the sense that she's uncomfortable?

I think the weekend is a great idea, to give her a mini-break, get some mom-dd time together, and be like a walking care package LOL. I hope that you can get to the bottom of her discomfort and she will relax about it.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 12:34pm

Awwwww, I think this is really sweet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 6:17pm
What if you were to stay Friday night at the apartment and Sat. at a hotel? That way it wouldn't be quite as expensive and you'd still get to have good mother daughter time. Has she told the roommates that you are coming? I would assume that most kids would avoid getting drunk or being obnoxious for one or two nights when someone's mother is there....at least I hope so!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 10:10pm

I think you've gotten some good advice from the other posters so I'll just add that when I've ended up in similar situations with my kids (now 20-27 yo) I've reassured them that "I wasn't born yesterday you know.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 10:40pm

Thinking about what Rose said, it occured to me that rather than your dd feeling that her roomies would make YOU feel awkward, mayube she thinks you might make THEM feel awkward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 9:22am

Your reply echoes my thoughts, Kelly.

Theresa, just assure your dd that you'll be fine with her roommates, even if you might get a little less sleep.

Four years ago, when DS22 moved into the flat he shared with 4 other guys, I slept in his room--in a sleeping bag on the floor cuz I can sleep ANYwhere.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 10:11am

Thank you all for your advice!!