Need your input please ..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Need your input please ..
11
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 8:25pm

So it is week 3 of high school that DD was switched to as it is a better HS. Most of her friends are at another HS.

So DD has found couple of folks she can have lunch with. Anyway..here is her conversation from today..

i hate high school (her)
why (me)
I have no friends (her)
But i thought you have 5 new friends you hang around at lunch (me)
I dont like any of them(her)
I dont want to be their friends (her)

So people have reached out to her but she is not or does not want to connect with any of them. She has traditionally taken long time to adjust. What should I do in meantime? She has signed up for couple of clubs but they wont start until a week or two later..

I don't want her to quit, but I dont want her to go to depression. I am telling her to give it some time..The main issue is it is not that people are ignoring her, it is her who is being discriminating..

any more ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 12:01pm

Continue to give it time.


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Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 5:46pm
Thanks so much for replying..as moms, we have to tendency to step in and try to 'fix' things..I need to give it time..I reminded her that even in 6th grade she had a hard time and none of her friends from elementary remained her friends..Also I realize every day is a new day..just have to watch and see that the negativity doesn't take over..thanks again..really helps to hear from other moms..
Avatar for cl_cathiann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 8:12am
I'm with Kell--give it time. 3 weeks is not a lot of time to adjust when you have a child to adjusts easily, much less someone who takes time getting used to something new.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-1998
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 11:09am

ITA about time. My dd can be the same way. The first week in high school she was ready to switch a couple of classes because for one of them she thought the teacher was mean and another because she was the only 9th grader in the class and didn't know anybody else.

But by the 2nd week she said it was okay - the teacher she thought was mean was just establishing order right away and in the other it turned out a friend of hers was in it.

They are so negative at this age - it does get tiresome (sigh).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:23pm
Ah, yes, the negativity factor...sigh. Sometimes, I must be careful not to respond too quickly or allow the conversation to deteriorate into a pity party...teens tend to see things in two colors: black and white, LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:31pm

I think it's important to stick to your guns. Sounds like you choose this school for some good reasons!!

KRISTIE
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 2:14am

Hi, thanks all for writing. Today was a tough day..she came back saying she is miserable..and she even cried. It totally broke my heart that I told her to give it at least a year and we can change her back if she still hates it. Then I tried to ask what is it that is bad. Most of the reaction from her 'to leave her alone..' Then she says things like she doesn't like the 'friends' she made as they dont think like her.,.No, no one is mean or bullying..Here is the thing..DD is herself very opinionated..and I guess she is having issues if people don't talk at her level..So essentially, there isn't a lot of concrete issues..most of it is the negativity..

Yes, I can't believe how much we have to put up with ! Gosh..the baby years seem a breeze ! Anyway..I just hope things get better..I am scared of her going the depression route..but I don't want to jump into making changes as she has to learn to process things herself..and life isn't going to be peachy all the way. I think part of the issue is just being in a high school setting..she is a younger freshman..(fall b'day)..we should have kept her back..but no point second guessing now..:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 2:35am
Here's a question did she have an input when you decided to move her? Were her feelings even a factor or did you just do it without any regard to what she wanted? If this change was made without asking her then IMO you are going to have to deal with her attitude, you can't make her like the school and kids there just because you think its better.
Everyone says its only been 3 weeks, 3 weeks is a lot of time when you are miserable. Think if you had 3 weeks at a new job where you didn't fit in, how would you feel.
Don't tune her out, she is telling you how she feels whether you agree with her or not. Her feelings should taken into consideration, as it is her high school experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 8:01am
I know girls that have been in a similar situation.
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 11:01am

Yes, she was given a choice between this and another school. Her original school (where she wanted to go) is undergoing major renovations and is in a bit of (seedy) part of the town (no offense intended). This particular school (where she was able to xfer to) is actually well known, safe, good environment and I have repeatedly asked her how the kids are..and if anyone was mean. And she has said no.

I think things have changed so much. Back in our days, we pretty much did what the parents dictated..kids nowadays are way too much about dictating terms..it is the culture of today ..I guess. She also has some issues where she is very choosy.. At this point, we have told her she can see a semester through and we can move her in December if she is still miserable...Maybe given her personality, we should have stuck with what she originally wanted..but as a parent, we thought we made better choice because of all the renovations going on..She is one of those kids - day care was hard, preschool was hard, 6th grade was hard, now 9th grade..(I should have known transition to high school will be hard..honestly, I think she would have been partially miserable at the new place too..it is just that now she can blame us..)

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