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Registered: 12-31-1969
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Sat, 08-11-2012 - 2:14pm

Hi. I'm new to the boards but not to high school I have a DD 22 and a DS 19 and now my youngest DD 14, is starting high school this fall. When my oldest was approaching high school age my DH wanted her to attend a private college prep school rather than the local public high school even though she had never gone to private school before. He himself had gone to a very good college prep and felt that it made all the difference in how well he was prepared going from high school to college. We might have told her she had a choice in where she went but that we wanted her to go to a private school. Oldest DD wasn't keen on it but she was accepted for admission at a great school. She was always quiet, studious, and hard working. She found it in the end to be the right fit for her and it made a big difference in both her academic and spiritual growth. When it came time for DS to go to high school we debated on what would be the better choice for him. He'd always had good grades but struggled with test taking. Based on just his entrance exam scores alone he would not have been accepted if he hadn't had a sibling already there. He DID want to go there even though there were opportunities at public school that might have developed his artistic interests more. He struggled with high school in the beginning but he worked so hard and really developed the self discipline that he needed. He graduated in May and is going away to college in a couple of weeks.

Now we are on to the third going into high school. The youngest. The one who has always had a different mindset. She has always been the one who has had a bunch of friends and always put more interest into them than school. We have planned all along that she would go on to the same high school as her older siblings but she has always wanted to go to the public school. This issue presented itself time and again throughout middle school. She took the entrance exam for the private school in January and only squeaked by, being admitted because of her legacy status. Hoping to get her more interested in the private school we encouraged her to try out for a fall sports team there but she found out yesterday that she did not make the team. Whatever interest she did have at trying to give this school a go seems to be lost in her eyes at this point. She has begged me to not make her go there (yes she can be quite dramatic).

She does not talk to DH about this since she insists that he does not listen to her. She insists that I don't listen to her just because I haven't said OK you can go. I have suggested that the three of us sit down and talk together and told DH about this. I'm hoping to do this later today when DH gets home.

I really would like to see her have the same kind of experience that her siblings had at this school. She is bright and she has more potential than her efforts in middle school have shown. I want her to be happy and successful in school but I don't think that at this point she is going to put forth the effort to do well because she doesn't want to be there.

I'm just looking for some new perspective. 


Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
In reply to: arryl
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 4:51pm
Sounds like regardless of the outcome it has been a great experience for the family overall! Glad to hear that she was thoughtful in her list, even if it was a bit goofy in some respects, its a good decision making process to go through with any major decisino in life. I'm excited to hear how her first day tomorrow, or the first full week goes for her and how she feels overall about things.
Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
In reply to: cmlisab
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 7:04pm

When do you guys have to make a descision by? That is awesome that your DH has been so willing to compromise!

(On, and BTW welcome to the board!)


Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 8:38am
Glad it went well with your Dh. Another thing to do might be talk to school counselors at both schools, it might help make the decision.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
In reply to:
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 12:15pm

Welcome to the board Meg!!  That is a hard one.  I personally would be more inclined, unless the is some big reason like the public schools are significantly inferior to the private one you are looking at, to let her make the decision.  If it is solely because of friends and activities, that would be one thing, but if tesing wise she barely made it, adding in the sports and friends, you may be really creating a recipe for a rough 4 years ahead making her go to a school she is so adament about not wanting to go to.  I wish I had a better response for you.  I am sure others that may have more experience with this will chime in and give you some better help with the decision making process.