QOTW - Prom Season

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
QOTW - Prom Season
15
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 11:55am

I'll admit I stole most of this from CM Melissa (thanks for the legwork Melissa!!) and added in a few extra questions at the end:

Here are some scary statistics related to prom season: 

-Teen traffic deaths during prom season weekend are higher than at any other time of the year.

-An American Medical Association study reported that 10% of parents believed it was appropriate and safe for underage teens to attend both prom and graduation parties where alcohol is served, if a parent is present.

-Most date rapes and sexual assaults against girls are alcohol and drug-related.

-A U.S. Department of Health and Human Services national survey reported 39% of high school senior boys considered it acceptable to force sex on a girl who is intoxicated by alcohol or high on drugs.

Read more stats along with suggestions on how to talk to your teen about prom at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carleton-kendrick/prom-death-and-sexual-assault_b_3115940.html?utm_hp_ref=parents-teens

  • 1.  What are your rules when it comes to prom night?  Do you host a gathering, or allow your child to stay out all night?  Would it make a difference if was parent supervised, even at a hotel?  
  • 2.  Do you contribute to prom costs, if so what's your dollar limit or do you have certain parameters?
  • 3.  Does your school have a junior/senior prom, just a senior prom, and if so, do the juniors have an "equivalent" dance?

4.  Does the prom include dinner at the event or do they go out to dinner separately?

5.  Does the school require breathalyzer tests and/or purse checks upon entering the event?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 11:55am

1.  What are your rules when it comes to prom night?  Do you host a gathering, or allow your child to stay out all night?  Would it make a difference if was parent supervised, even at a hotel?

For our senior prom, there is an all night party at the school after which is a really great event--they have entertainment, food, activities--a lot of people in the community donate things.  No one can leave before it's over unless their parents pick them up.  I'm really glad they have this cause I wouldn't be so pleased about staying out all night otherwise.

2.  Do you contribute to prom costs, if so what's your dollar limit or do you have certain parameters?

For DD we did pay for her gown(s) and probably threw in a little more money.  She paid for the limo (one of those big SUV ones where they could fit about 15 kids).  If DS goes, I'll probably pay for his tux. (Boys are really much less expensive than girls--don't have to do hair/nails, jewelry).  The way the senior class raises money during the year, DD's prom tickets were only $14!.

>3.  Does your school have a junior/senior prom, just a senior prom, and if so, do the juniors have an "equivalent" dance?

We have over 400 kids in a grade, so the juniors have a separate prom, which is much less "gala."  It's basically just a dance in the school gym while the senior prom is at a restaurant or hall.

4.  Does the prom include dinner at the event or do they go out to dinner separately?

The senior prom includes dinner

5.  Does the school require breathalyzer tests and/or purse checks upon entering the event? I"m not sure.  I do remember that when DD went to the sr. prom they got a lecture from the limo driver that if he saw any alcohol he would be driving to the police station cause he was not going to lose his job for serving alcohol to minors.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2013
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 11:50am

  I used to think you had to protect them from themselves at senior prom; as I got older I realized that if I hadn't prepared them for life well enough by senior prom, I shouldn't be sending them off to college 2 months later.

Wow, I love this!! I'm happy that I decided to lurk on this board today- reading this made me realize I need to adjust my parenting thinking/strategy as well.

 

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 4:37pm
1.  What are your rules when it comes to prom night?  Do you host a gathering, or allow your child to stay out all night?  Would it make a difference if was parent supervised, even at a hotel?  It's actually pretty easy for us this year. DD is a new 16 and not yet driving. Her date is driving but in our state, he can't drive her until he's held his license a full year (and he hasn't.) So, he's driving to our house, we're driving them to the prom together and picking them up.... which is actually a situation several of the juniors are in.... no shame! I'd be up for dropping them off at a diner for a post-prom snack which is common around here, her date can hang out at the house for longer if he wants but we've decided that we don't want her and her date driving in the car of her older classmates to a second location after prom. I doubt she'd ask but we are prepared to say "no."

  • 2.  Do you contribute to prom costs, if so what's your dollar limit or do you have certain parameters? We told DD we were willing to give 200 dollars towards her prom. That paid for the dress and two tickets. DD purchased the bouteniere, appropriate bra, shoes, purse and accessories on her own.
  • 3.  Does your school have a junior/senior prom, just a senior prom, and if so, do the juniors have an "equivalent" dance? DD's program is only 80 kids total (40 juniors, 40 seniors.) The prom is for both grades.

4.  Does the prom include dinner at the event or do they go out to dinner separately? Dinner is included

5.  Does the school require breathalyzer tests and/or purse checks upon entering the event? No breathalyzer but bags will be checked. They can't bring in any food or drink... not even bottled water. If they exit the building for any reason, they are not allowed back in. It'll be less than 100 kids so not as hard to chaperone as your normal senior proms (which can easily be 1000 kids in regular high schools in our area.)

I'll be honest, the prom isn't a big deal at her school. It's less than two weeks away and many of DD's classmates haven't figured out if they are going solo or bringing a date (or 3 since they can bring up to 3 guests lol.) None of the juniors are doing limos.... possibly some of the seniors but don't know. A few got their dresses from thrift shops. I know a couple got them for free through a program that does that in our area. We're not hearing about any 400+ dollar dresses and the like. A few haven't even looked yet. It'll be fun but it's really just a dance.... lower key than the winter formal her old school had.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 3:36pm
  • 1.  What are your rules when it comes to prom night?  Do you host a gathering, or allow your child to stay out all night?  Would it make a difference if was parent supervised, even at a hotel? 
  • I tend to be of the same opinion as Mahopac, if I am sending her off to college in 3 months, I better have already raised her to make the best possible decisions, prom included.  All the kids in my daughter's group are going back to their own houses, but they are getting together mid- morning sunday to all go canoeing about an hour away from the house.  If she had asked to have a gathering at our house I would have been more than happy to host it and I would have been fine if she had wanted to go someplace afterwards to spend the night, though I would have wanted it to be at a parent supervised place, and I don't see her or her boyfriend objecting to that.  I am one of the most liberal parents of all her friends, so most of her friends parents would have said no before I would have.
  • 2.  Do you contribute to prom costs, if so what's your dollar limit or do you have certain parameters?  
  • I bought her prom dress, she is paying for the rest of the costs.  If DH had been in charge, she would have paid for the entire thing on her own.
  • 3.  Does your school have a junior/senior prom, just a senior prom, and if so, do the juniors have an "equivalent" dance?  We only have a senior prom, their class is extremely large.  They have never had juniors in on it and don't have a separate junior dance at all.

4.  Does the prom include dinner at the event or do they go out to dinner separately?  No, they go out to dinner ahead of time.  In fact I had never heard of schools having dinner included at the prom except for ones that were transported to a place by bus and brought back.

5.  Does the school require breathalyzer tests and/or purse checks upon entering the event?  Ours does a breathalyzer test and purse check at the door (I won't voice my opinions on this one), they also do have to have a consent signed for any non-school kids going to the prom, which sounds like its pretty standard at all schools now.

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Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 1:53pm
  • My thoughts on prom have changed a lot since my kids were small.  I used to think you had to protect them from themselves at senior prom; as I got older I realized that if I hadn't prepared them for life well enough by senior prom, I shouldn't be sending them off to college 2 months later.  I didn't worry about my oldest and I'm not worried about my middle child either. 
  • 1.  What are your rules when it comes to prom night?  Do you host a gathering, or allow your child to stay out all night?  Would it make a difference if was parent supervised, even at a hotel? - Our oldest went with almost 20 other girls (it was an all-girls' school), only half of whom had dates.  One of the girls organized the event:  meeting at one girls' house for pictures, then prom, then a late night comedy club, then they all went back to the girl's house where the boys slept in one room and the girls in another.  The parents took turns staying up all night!  This was the nice, high-achieving group in the class, no drugs or alcohol.  The next day they went to an amusement park.  
  • My now-18yo will be going to the prom dateless.  She & her friends will be going to their own homes overnight, and then the next day they're going to go to a cute artists' town about an hour away, stay at a B&B, and come home on Sunday.  None of them were tempted to go to the beach or to get drunk or use drugs - in fact DD is adamantly against it.
  • 2.  Do you contribute to prom costs, if so what's your dollar limit or do you have certain parameters? - We paid for everything, pretty much:  dress, shoes, prom ticket, jewelry & after prom weekend. We can afford it, but more importantly my kids are rather frugal and don't want us to spend a lot on something that they view as a fun evening/weekend but not a major life event.
  • 3.  Does your school have a junior/senior prom, just a senior prom, and if so, do the juniors have an "equivalent" dance?  - Separate proms.  The juniors were back in March.

4.  Does the prom include dinner at the event or do they go out to dinner separately? - Dinner is included.

5.  Does the school require breathalyzer tests and/or purse checks upon entering the event? - I don't think so.  However, the kids are not allowed to transport themselves to or from prom.  They must go to the high school, have pictures taken, and then are taken by bus to the prom.  They are required to stay there and can only leave by bus. 

Also, parents must attend a parent meeting before prom or their child can't go.  Dates must be registered if they're not students.  All very sensible guidelines that minimize the school's risk.  In fact, the Catholic school was quite a bit more liberal than the public school.

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