Suicidal Student

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Suicidal Student
11
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 1:33pm

Not sure what to do about this...my freshman dd came to me very upset last night...apparently her friend from middle school has threatened to commit suicide, says there's no hope for her and no one can help her. a few days ago, my dd said this girl was crying at school and then disappeared (went home? not sure).



I know the kid, she's been on our sports teams and I know the parents who seem very conscientious so I don't know why she can't talk to them (this is what she's told my dd). She's been a guest in my home, always seemed like a cheerful kid. Now that I think of it, there was a reserved side to her which I chalked up to shyness.



My dd was crying, very upset that she can't 'help her friend'. She showed me the texts and they do seem like more than typical teenage drama...problem is, I don't want to call the mom because the problem might be a home situation. My dd doesn't know, says it's so bad her friend won't tell her...WwYD?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 2:03pm

I would call the parents.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 3:18pm

All threats of suicide should be taken seriously. Even if the student doesn't actually intend to commit suicide, it's a sign that they need HELP.

Your DD should go see her guidance counselor and/or school psychologist promptly - whoever is available. They have certainly heard it before and will be able to help her.

Talking to the parents is not necessarily the answer. Trust me, if she felt she could talk to her parents, she would have done it by now.

Last year, DD's friend called my DD to tell her she'd cut her wrists. We got in the car and drove over to her house. Her parents and grandmother were calmly sitting in the kitchen with no idea that their daughter was upstairs bleeding. They didn't even know why we were there; I thought they would be angry that we were interfering, but they had no idea - they just thought their daughter needed someone to talk to. I sat and socialized with the parents while DD went upstairs to talk to her friend. Then I went upstairs to talk to the friend and make sure she'd go see the school counselor the next day. Her cuts weren't nearly deep enough to cause death, but cutting of any kind is a big problem.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 3:37pm

I agree - talk to her parents and have your DD talk to the school counselor.

KRISTIE
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 3:57pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 4:11pm

Horrifying situation. Does your area have a "Crisis Line"? Yes, SOMEONE needs to get with this girl, I'm not sure who- but can't be ignored. An awful position to be in, both for you and especially your DD. There IS a Suicide Prevention number in my phone book- I just called and they said yes nationwide and 24 hr so our time zones won't be an issue. They will hopefully have some info and resource for you as a concerned parent/friend!



1-800-273-8255



I hope this might get you pointed in the right direction without contacting the parents. Like someone said, the problem might be at home :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 4:27pm

Thank you all! I had forgotten about the suicide prevention line--I'll give that to my daughter...



My child was hesitant to approach the guidance counselor: a. because she's new to hs and b. she's kind of timid and c: she doesn't want to jeopardize that friendship.



My kids generally come to me when they've exhausted all possibilities. My help is usually the last resort, KWIM? My gut tells me not to call the mother, don't know why but it's very strong.



So I called my oldest dd's guidance counselor since I know and trust him. He's going to speak to the freshman counselor...in a way that

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 5:40pm

Sounds great, so sorry your DD was put in this situation, it's wonderful that she came to you! I hope her friend will be ok, and if your gut is telling you NOT to talk to mom- believe it!!



Will keep the girls in my prayers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 8:27pm

So glad you talked to the counselor. When I read your first post, I thought, what if she's the only person this girl has told? Sometimes you're the only person who has the power to save someone because you're the only one who knows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 11:59pm

I had to check back and see how things worked out.

Avatar for cl_cathiann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 8:18am

Oh my gosh, Robin! That is truly awful--your poor family :-(. My heart goes out to you and them.

And I'm so glad that the OP called a counselor herself!! That's actually what I would do--a friend of my son's (used to be his best friend through 6th grade) killed himself in 8th grade. I wish someone had been there to listen to his cry for help (in his case his parents knew he was depressed and possibly suicidal and he was getting help). I know how hard it hit Luke and I don't know that he would have been able to talk to another adult about it, if he knew ahead of time.

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