iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Wed, 01-15-2014 - 8:17pm

very upset... my middle school son has been bullied for some time and just told us today. not sure how to handle it.  my husband is telling him to hurt the kid, punch him in the nose & make him bleed.  I think the kid who is bigger will pummel my son if he tries that!  I am also afraid to tell principal cuz the kid will just be careful no one looking.   I am at a loss.  Any advice???

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
In reply to: involvedmom
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 12:16pm
Hugs! I wish I had some advice, but I don't. Turtletime had a great post with her experience. I hope that eventually you find what works!
Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
In reply to: involvedmom
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 1:38pm

I'm so sorry for your son and for you. There is little that makes a parent feel so helpless than trying to help a kid deal with bullies. My DS 13 started getting bullied in 3rd grade. We did everything. We talked to teachers, parents, principals. The staff always cared. They always said the right thing. They brought in all the anit-bully assemblies and preached anti-bully curriculum. They tried to keep an eye on him... keep him away from known bullies but when their backs were turned, DS was still getting harrassed. We tried to change DS.. tried to teach him to not be reactive... to have a better poker face... to not care. I worked in the school. We invited bullies over trying to better relations. I can't tell you how many books and dvd's we had about dealing with bullies. We eventually removed him from an academic program he loved and thought all was well. Nope, by 7th grade, DS had just given up on telling us about it. 

Now, I'm not at all advocating violence. Please understand that but I have to admit that in the end, what finally ended the bullying was DS punching one of his tormentors during PE. It was one punch and a series of blocks (DS is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do but had never used it to protect himself before.) DS felt like a monster. It's been almost a year and he still breaks into tears when he thinks of what he did. The school supported him because they knew what was happening. Both his PE teacher and the principal admitted that they'd resorted to punching a bully when they were kids. Several men in his life admitted to the same. This didn't make him feel better. However, DS is in 8th grade and no one bugs him anymore. I hate that it took DS punching a kid to make it stop but unfortunately, that is the reality.

I would never offer violence up to a child as an option. However, I wouldn't be too hard on a kid who was pushed to this point. I would encourage you to help him find an outside source of friendship. My DS only gets bullied at school. He's actually popular in his other activities. Thank goodness for his interest-based activity friends and places where he can feel safe physically and emotionally. 

Edited to say, you have to tell the principal. You have to have a paper trail on this. Really, that what is what saved DS when he finally hit the breaking point... the staff knew. If your son keeps taking it and eventually lashes back and there is no paper trail then there is a good chance your kid will be the one in trouble, not the kids who started it. Bullies stick together and they'll change a story to make your kid in the wrong. Tell the principal. Tell the teachers. Get as much history as you can on the situation and ask that it be put in his file. I can't emphasis it enough... let the staff know what is happening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2014
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 10:27am

Good Article... http://amotherstripdowntherabbithole.blogspot.com/  Re: Bullying.