Meeting with teachers; who should be there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2012
Meeting with teachers; who should be there?
Thu, 02-06-2014 - 2:08pm

My ex & I have been seperated since 2009. We have two boys ages 13 (grade 7) & 9 (grade 4). We share 50/50 custody (week on week off Friday to Friday). The boys & I have lived with my partner for 4 years (we bought a home together in 2012).

My question is, should my partner be included in parent meetings with the teachers? Some say no as it's an issue myself & the Dad need to address. Others say yes since he's the boys' Step-Dad & live with him 50% of the time.

There is a major discussion coming up with the teacher & Principal regarding high school. The ex & I have conflicting ideas. As he wants our son to go to the school closest to him since its "easier" for himself (where the average parental income is less than $35k/year). I want him to go to the school with the best opportunity,  which also happens to be in my catchment area (where average parental income is greater than $60k/year). The ex never graduated from high school (so to me he should not get a say), whereas my partner did & I went to college.

Looking forward to your opinions. Thx :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-07-2014 - 10:32am

As someone who has been divorced where both parents remarried and I was also a stepmother in my 2nd marriage, I would say that the parent - teacher meeting should only involve the parents.  I always felt like it was not my 2nd DH's decision about major things like where my kids should go to school.  I feel that you want your partner there to lend support to your idea that your child should go to the school that you want him to go to--I think that will lead to your ex's feeling "ganged up on."  And just because your ex didn't graduate from high school does not mean that he does not "get a say" in where his own child goes to high school--that is really putting him down.  He is still the father and obviously involved in your child's life since he has the child half the time--it's not like he is one of those dads who you can't get to even visit the kid once a month.  I think if you want your child to go to the better school, then you should come armed with facts about why this school is better even though it might be inconvenient for your ex--for example, what does your child want to be?  Is this something that requires a college education?  Do more students in the school near you go to college?  Are there special programs there that are not offered in the other school?  If this school is inconvenient for your ex, how is your son going to get to the high school?  Will it require driving if there is no bus?  Would you be willing to do some of the driving to make it easier?