dh is driving me crazy *tmi mentioned*

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2002
dh is driving me crazy *tmi mentioned*
13
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 2:08pm
well as i'm sure most guys do dh is inpatiently waiting till october 31st my post part appointment. he seems to think we need to rent a hotel that night....... i really dont want to spend the money to do that........ is there anything i can do at home to maybe make him feel like the whole thing is special? i've already offered to let him go to victorias secret to pick out one thing.... which is a waste of money in opnion since it's not like it'll be on me long *sorry* anyway i just awnt to figure out how to make him feel the whole thing is speical without wasting to much money?

TMI i know

chelle 23 dh larry 26 and baby boy alex born sept 23rd

http://www.catholic-truth.org/personal/personal.htm

Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 2:19pm
Chelle, well I am not sure that I can be of any help but, so he is waiting until the 6 week appointment so that you may make love right? well the first thing I would say is that unless you are putting it off for discomfort or such, there is no reason to wait until then. I know that medically they say to wait 6 weeks to make sure that you heal etc. But I had episotomies(sp?) with both of my kids and stitches, but Dh and I didn't wait more than a week with either of them before we did it.

SO if he is still insistant that you do something special, just plan it at home, nice dinner, hopefully Alex will sleep, and do candles, etc.

Good luck!

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 4:07pm
Rant on (just a warning).

Did he not see the baby born? Did he not uderstand what took place and where? You did have a vaginal delivery, right? And if I remember correctly, lots of stiches (OUCH!).

What an oaf!

I'm inclined to think that the 6 week rule originated so men would stop pestering women who had just given birth to put out (Dr's orders and all that). Personally I wouldn't have been up to a "big night" for quite a while after either of my deliveries. It's not just being physically OK down there, it's also about exhaustion and hormones.

He needs to be aware that even after six weeks (it's really not a magic number after all) you may not feel like "going all night" the first few times postpartum. Some women will and that's fine, but other women won't. He needs to be prepared to take it easy and go slow, because that may well be what you need.

Also, having recently given birth and being a breastfeeding mother, your libido might not match his and that's perfectly normal and OK (it's natural but men seem to be big babies about it themselves and take it personally).

Rant off.

So that I don't totally ignore your actual question (LOL), someone suggested (scented) candles and I think that's a great idea, maybe some "mood" music. Some flowers around might be nice, maybe strew some petals (unless either of you have pollen allergies). Personally I think simply taking things slown n'easy will set a wonderful mood this first time.

C



Carrie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 4:37pm
You might also not want to book a hotel for the "big night" becuase you might also not get the go ahead from your doc.

At my six week appointment my OB ask if DH was a patient man because he would like Dh and I to please wait at least 2 more weeks before resuming relations.


Avatar for saram6778
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 5:39pm
I'm curious what reason your doctor gave for waiting 2 more weeks?

Sara
WAH Momma to Nicholas 4-7-01 and Katherine 3-9-05

Baby Slings




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 7:20pm
The REASON you are supposed to wait is that you have an internal open wound in your uterus. Although rare, you can cause hemorraging, infection or even death if that wound is not healed before you start up again. So definately wait until 6 weeks. I know.....I know....it's rare, but you don't want to be a death by sex statistic LOL.

But as for making it special.....why wait to do that? There's a lot of fun to be had that doesn't involve getting that thing IN you!

If you really want to make it special, how about having him do the work to make it that way. Tell him you want a bubble bath, candles, and sexy music then let it rip.....!

Have fun!

Laura



Avatar for louannems
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 8:50pm
I guess the 6-week "rule" is not set in stone. My CNM told me at my hospital discharge to resume sexual relations whenever we felt like it. We had sex 2 weeks after DS was born. We went VERY slowly, and not too deep! It was fine, but I did have some pain during vigorous sex for months after the birth. With b-feeding, it is normal to be dry, with not enough lubrication, caused by hormones. I think extra lubrication would go a long way to make things more comfortable.

After DD was born, just 16 months later, I had NO interest in sex til she was months old. So we waited even longer than 6 weeks. I neverhad pain after this birth because I did not have an epesiotomy.

Good luck- it will be very different for both of you due to leaky breasts, and having one ear listening for the baby to wake up really puts a damper on things for a bit!!!

Avatar for tracytrem
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 9:42pm
First of all, congrats on your baby! I am a lurker who has rcently come out of lurkdom with a few posts here. I have read some of your posts and you have a good head on your shoulders there girl!

That said, why are you trying to make it special for HIM? He should be making it special for YOU!LOL

I know after ds was born, although I did want to have relations, things were just "different" down there. And I was tired. And I was hoping the baby didn't wake up. And I was afraid it would hurt. And I was afraid of how my body looked different.

So, IMHO, let HIM do the planning, you have enough on your plate.

Good luck! Tracy


Avatar for saram6778
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 9:45pm
I agree--it should be him worrying about this, not you. Unless you are just as eager as hhe is :) He should be trying to make it special for you! I know that I had NO interest in sex for a long time--but I had a really bad tear and was in a lot of pain.

What I'm wondering is, where is the 6 week old baby going to be while you two are at a hotel room all night? I mean, even if you do get away from the baby, you are still going to have to stop to pump every 2 hours. How much fun is that? :)


Sara
WAH Momma to Nicholas 4-7-01 and Katherine 3-9-05

Baby Slings




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 9:47am
To be perfectly honest you may not be up to it by 6 weeks or you may be ready sooner

The reason doctors make you wait 6 weeks is so that not only the episiotomy heals (or any tears etc) but also because by 6 weeks post pardum the large gaping scrape that once held the placenta will be healed if that gets infected it can be a real bear

technically you can have sex as soon as any discharge has stopped (it will be red at first then brown then yellowish then gone) by then the placenta attachment place is healed and sex is OKd by docs

BUT physically and emotionally you may not be ready AND even if you are once the act gets going it may be a bit painful tell him not to expect too much of the first time

ALSO now that you have Little Alex sex changes completely he might wake up mid coitus which kinda puts a damper on the mood

We never rented a hotel room or anything like that we just stayed home did the deed and hoped the kids would stay asleep after my first was born we tried too soon(I had a c Section) and it was so painful we had to stop

HTH

SUE

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2002
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 10:11am
thanks everyone

i think the whole thing is that HE wants to make it special like the first time *which was my first time ever* but i know if i dont beat him to the punch we'llbe broke by the time he's done LOL. we've already discussed that it'll probably be painful like the first time so we may not ermmmm finish.

we will be waiting till the doctor says it's ok i know some women can handle it before then but with my other reprodctive health problems i dont want to risk getting an infection or something worse on top of that.

dh really is very understanding i know it's hard for him though to go from daily to waiting for a doctor to say ok.

i think i'l find soemthing special for him anyway hes' done most of the housework since we found out i was pregnant and is still doing most of it, plus cooking 4-5 nights a night and taking the baby for a couple hours when he gets off work so i can get a break. so he really is a great guy he just hasn't learned patience yet but hes' getting there :)

chelle 23 dh larry 26 and baby boy alex born sept 23rd

http://www.catholic-truth.org/personal/personal.htm

Photobucket

Pages