someone help me not break down LOL*m*

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Registered: 10-23-2002
someone help me not break down LOL*m*
10
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 10:54am
so somehow now the nutcase *my mother* got my cell phone number i'm assuming she got it by going though my sisters stuff while they are away. her number showed up on the caller id i KNOW my sisters aren't home they are both staying with my grandparents for a few days so i dindt' answer. noticed it had voicemail so checked.

she just caleld to tell me she's dying from breast cancer they give her 5-6 months to live........ i kinda figure she's lying just bcause since as far back as i can remember she's had some terminal illness and a few months to live.... now someone remind me that she's more then likely lying either for attention or to try to get me to let her see Alex so i dont call.... i told dh when he comes home for lunch to take the cell phone with him to work i havne't talked to my parents in months and jsut recently they stopped harrassing me on a regular basis.....

chelle 23 dh larry 26 and baby boy alex born sept 23rd

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Avatar for heidee0
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Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 11:27am
Whoa...chelle, take a deep breath! No matter what is going on with your mom, you don't have to react in the way she wants you too. I remember a little bit of what your parents are like.

"now someone remind me that she's more then likely lying either for attention or to try to get me to let her see Alex ..."

You may be correct here. But no matter what, whether or not she is really ill, you are in control of how you react to her. Go hold your little boy and remember that you are now a mom and in charge of your and his well being. Try to find something else to do right now to distract yourself.

Could you call your sisters/grandparents to see if they know anything?

Hang in there! Don't over-react.

Heidi

Avatar for scoopsmommy
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 11:38am
Hugs Chelle,

Even if she does have breast cancer, a voicemail was a terrible way to tell you about it! I would try to contact other family to see what the story is. Maybe even have your husband call around if you aren't feeling up to it.

Just worry about yourself right now. It's so hard being the mom of a newborn, you don't need this to worry about too.

If she is dying of breast cancer, there is nothing you can do about it. It is not your fault, and due to the abuse you have suffered because of your mom, anything you choose to do about it is entirely up to you.

If you are a churchgoer, try talking to your pastor. Maybe he/she can ease your feelings of anxiety.

Hang in there!

Avatar for e13lorena
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 4:30pm
Oh Chelle honey, hugs to you.

If it were true than I'm sure your sisters would tell you. It does sound like another ploy to get you in conversation with her, which from your previous posts, sounds like she eats away at you emotionally and mentally when that happens.

I would delete the voice mail and try not to think about it. Maybe call one of your sisters, just to make sure she's really okay, which I'm sure she is.

Take care of that precious little boy and keep yourself strong. You're the mom now and you don't have to take care of her, your responsibilty is to your son.

Hugs and hope this passes quickly...

~Erin

Avatar for heidee0
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Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 8:54am
chelle--How ya' doing this a.m.?--Heidi
Avatar for joyleft2
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 10:47am
I agree, it totally sounds like she's trying to play on your sympathies. She knows you are a good and decent person and this is her way of eating away at you. My "mother" is the same way. I lived with years of mental torture (at her hands) and now that I have cut ties she does her best to try to sneak back in. Turn to YOUR family (Your dh and your precious son) during this time. I believe a confrontation my mother had w/ my Dh after the birth of our 4th child was the beginnings of a terrible post partum depression I entered into. My mother has never seen our 5th child (now 4mths). I finally had to come to terms with the fact that she was unable to love in a good way. I HAVE to protect my family from her. She has went so far as to take out cc's in my name and NOT pay them. Just because they gave birth doesn't make them "mothers". I struggled with the Biblical words "Honor they father and they mother" for a long time. My MIL (who is a very Godly woman) finally told me that I must remember that God goes on to say "Parents provoke not your children to wrath". I lived a life of being provoked. How could I honor someone that couldn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated?? Stay away from your mother. She'll only do you harm. Pray during this time. I really feel that if she was terminally ill your other family members would let you know. Stay strong! Joy
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Registered: 10-23-2002
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 1:16pm
I talked to my little sisters they said she does have breast cancer but they personally think she's lying about it being terminal and she's just out for attention and trying to get money from people. they said they didnt' tell me because they didn't want to stress me out since they found out towards the end of my pregnancy.

i'm just going to leave things how they are though i'll be there for my sisters and this probably sounds cold but something my grandma and dh said makes since.... i refuse to be there for my parents they were never there for me so i guess i'm returning the favor....

if it is terminal i will go to the funeral to be there for my sisters but other then that i refuse to have anything to do with the situation. oddly enough i'm not even sad that maybe she's going to die. i think in a way if it happens it'll put a end to things for me with the dealing with the stuff they put me though

chelle 23 dh larry 26 and little man alex born sept 23rd

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 3:13pm
I'm sorry Chelle. Your message makes me a little sad. Having dealt with breast cancer myself for the past year, I feel sorry for anyone else going thru the same thing. I'm not saying that you should let your mom back into your life; you have your own family to think of, and you must do what's best for all of you. But I still feel sorry for your mom in a way. You sound so bitter about your childhood, are there no happy memories at all?
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Registered: 10-23-2002
Thu, 10-30-2003 - 10:12am
i'm sorry you have breast cancer i was there when my great grandma had breast cancer and died from it. hopefully you'll be doing better soon.

honestly there are no happy memories of my childhood with my parents the only time i remember being happy is being with my grandparents during the summers that allowed to be a child. at home i can remember from the age of 6 when my youngest sister was born changing her diapers feeding her taking care of her and taking care of my other sister making sure she ate and such. all of this while our mother is drugged out or in her bedroom sleeping with whoever she was cheating on our father with that week. not that my father was any better when it came to the drugs. i'm not sure if he was sleeping too but at least if he was he didn't do it in front of us.

yes i'm bitter i have no problem admitting it. that's part of the reason i'm currently in counseling with the priest at our church *he has a degree in counseling*

chelle 23 dh larry 26 and little man alex born sept 23rd

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Avatar for kathy_s14255
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-30-2003 - 11:09am
Thanks Chelle!

So very sorry about your childhood; it does sound miserable. But I am so glad that you are in counseling. Don't want that bitterness to hurt you and your family now.

Hugs,

Kathy

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 12:07am
I just wanted to jump in here for a minute with my thoughts about honoring your father and your mother. This has to do with what Joy wrote... It sounds like Joy has a very wise MIL, however I have more to add! LOL

I believe that honoring our father and mother doesn't necessarily mean we have to have a relationship with them. I believe it's what's in our hearts that counts. If we forgive them for the pain they caused (which can be VERY hard to do); if we can say (in our hearts) that we "love" them despite the pain they caused (or love them because they are human, just like us)(which can be next to impossible to do, but "with God all things are possible"); if we hold our tongues and not sink to their level of using abusive words towards them, etc (also, extremely difficult to do at times)... then we are honoring them - WITHOUT having to be near them.

But, all of the above takes time and prayer - and LOTS of it! It's not something that will happen overnight - especially when a person has had a lot of abuse/neglect/etc, to deal with. But, to have the willingness in your heart to at least want to eventually get to that point is a wonderful place to start!

Remember, we do NOT have to stay in an abusive relationship to show honor to someone. We just have to not slander them or hold resentments against them (which takes a lot of healing to get to that point!). But, yes, we CAN and SHOULD protect our children and ourselves from abuse. Does any of this make sense? LOL

Anyway, that's my take on the whole honoring your father and mother deal.

Blessings,

Jennifer




Edited 10/31/2003 1:17:57 AM ET by jandjsoulmates