ADHD causing fights with hubby

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2009
ADHD causing fights with hubby
4
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 9:58am
I'm hoping someone can give me advice. my husband and I have been fighting over my sons ADHA. He thinks Cameron is capable of control and knows he is doing something wrong, I try to explain he knows it wrong but not until after he does it. He does things without thinking about it. We've been to a child psychologist (that's how son was diagnosed). I just don't know what else to do.
Thanks everyone,
Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 11:56am

Hi


Is your son on Medication?


I would explain calmly to your Dh that he cannot control his impulses, and that he has a brain disorder. I would also get my hands on any books explaining ADHD, and leave them around the house.


When DD was diagnosed i had Dh sit in on many of the testing meetings we had. He also takes DD for her regular Psych appts. That helps him understand what he can do to help.

A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 3:42pm
I agree with cl-baykrismom, I brought my husband to a few of the psychologist appointments and he even had one by himself to understand what what going on with our son and how he could help. He also drives and speaks to the therapist himself. This his all helped.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2008
Sun, 05-10-2009 - 6:21am

I completely understand... my dh is ds's step-dad and my home was a VERY unhappy one... I felt caught myself between them cause here's my son and here's my husband, but what you need to remember is that our children cannot rightfully fend for themselves against adults whether that be other parentals or teachers or whatever... My son is 8 now. He takes Concerta for ADHD and Abilify for a mood disorder. The psychologist I took ds to told me to explain it to dh this way:

You're looking at me and you hear/see me, but you are also aware that the light is on and someone is vacuuming down the hall and can hear the buzzing from the lights and hear the cars going by outside. All that other stuff is extra, but you can still FOCUS on me and what I'm saying and doing. What your son experiences is all of that RIGHT IN HIS FACE.

That helped him understand the concentration issues and why a simple task was unmanageable. You have to break it down into layman's terms for dh and be patient cause until the med dosage is right and becomes truly effective then he won't see or understand any of it.

*When dh forgets and gets frustrated with ds (on his meds) I will pick a day (NOT SCHOOL DAY) and "forget" to give it to him to remind dh to hush up.*

No matter what - YOU are your children's advocate... patience, patience, patience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 8:44am

I tend to agree with the take him to the appointments and let him hear it for him self. DH was so against medication for this and did not feel that DS had it that it was a constant fight. Well when we finaly got an appointment with a psychiatrist the light bulb went off for DH. It helped a lot. My DS is 7yo on a low dose of straterra and on concerta. The concerta was enough to control the impulses and the low dose straterra helped him to focus.


HTH


Good luck


Joan